What would you do in this case?

Weekly? No
How often are you visiting now?

What exactly are the vibes, like why do you think she wants you to visit more?

I would visit every 2-4 weeks rather than weekly.

Is him living with a woman he won't even speak to actually helping his mental health? What other steps is he taking/support is available? Genuinely confused and interested in how this helps him. If she's willing to have him stay there when he won't talk to her I wouldn't have thought she'd boot him out for you not visiting weekly especially if she hasn't even brought it up. Visit if/when you want and if she raises it then it can be an issue.

I'm so sorry this is your normal right now. So I read above he has insomnia & that can obviously cause depression. Not enough sleep is terrible alone but similar to newborn sleep patterns, that kind of broken sleep as a parent that trickles on for 2 years.. that has to be horrendous for him. But I'm also on the other side of the fence like (okay it's been 2 years.. what has he done?) Has he sought post partum depression possibly as an answer? Has he always had insomnia & barely slept, having kids has made that exasperated? Is it possible he could benefit from adhd medication/ maybe he has adhd its just not as prominent & maybe it would help him sleep at least 10/11pm? Like don't get me wrong I want to address the elephant of depression. But he is depressed for some reason deep within himself & insomnia has exasperated that for him. But it seems like a cycle.. could it be bipolar depression? Which is why he has a hard time sleeping as well? Those signs can stay dormant until age 25-30 even until he has

An episode. & those bipolar episodes can look as little as forcing himself not to sleep or he has night terrors, maybe those are his hallucinations & delusions? Bipolar really isn't that scary of a disease. Let me explain how bipolar actually works internally.. it's too much sodium in your brain. Something your body normally naturally expells/ filters. Unfortunately they find no change of diet can necessarily fix bipolar without medication. Because it's like a heart disease. If you don't take your heart medication, you will likely suffer a heart attack frequently. If you don't take bipolar medication when you actually may benefit from that, too much sodium builds up in your brain causing so many issues until it releases. It's constantly filling up, dumping with a episode, then filling back up without medication. My last theory is trauma. Is there something he hasn't shared potentially that's caused his depression? Did he cheat? Did you cheat? Did something Traumatic happen to him or someone he loves?

Lastly, he shares with you personally that he does not want to trial modern medication. However has he taken into consideration that if this was you.. and you just decided you couldn't do this anymore, but still want to see your kids.. how would he feel? Alot of people self medicate with bipolar but specifically BP Depression. As it's a lower energy disease. VS manic BP. I give you props for handling this so well for so long. & I hope nothing but the best, truly. I hope you know my comments are just pure concern trying to fix this for you & his kids. Because I don't want to sound rude, if he has a hard time living at home with his kids & also hard time with his mom.. honey I think he has more going on than he wants to admit. & it's only going to be a eggshell cycle until it surfaces.