Serious life changing question…need advice. Move across country- leave my husband behind.

My job wants me to move to California (across the country) for a promotion that will change me and my families life. My husband loves his kids but he is not a father or a supportive partner. He doesn’t take the kids anywhere I always go by myself or with my sister. My oldest is 14 and he’s been out doing something fun with him less than 10 times his whole life. My 3 and 4 year old have never been out with him. He doesn’t know a single drs name, teachers name ect. I cook I clean I take care of the kids, I handle finances EVERYTHING. There is not one responsibility of him. He works that’s it. I make more money than him now and I am going to make a LOT more with this promotion. I will be able to support myself and my kids financially without issue. I take care of my husband. He doesn’t clean up after himself, he pees in the toilet and just leaves it there. I am so tired of it. We are living paycheck to paycheck because he spends 400$ on weed a month. I fight with him every week about it. Would it be wrong of me to pick my kids up and move to California? Mind you, I don’t get the promotion if I don’t move to California.

in our community

My husband has hit me again !!

I understand we started rough , I can’t even believe I’m typing this because I would see stories like this and think this can’t be me . He hit me the first time 2 years ago , sometimes during an argument he would almost hit me but it somehow we stopped by his manipulative mother who lives with us . He’s the only son and she has no husband so of course she has to live here . Now because of her he has hit me ! I told myself I would cope because of the kids , two boys , how will I cope ?? They need a man .. that’s what I kept telling myself . I’ve left before and somehow found myself back again with him and his mother because they begged me to come back . Now I have a busted lip ! A busted lip ! Bleeding .. can’t believe this . On my first day of my work ! Just because they are gonna make me a GM?? Is that it ?? Because since yesterday he’s been talking about it .. I don’t know . .. I’m so sad that this is my life . I just want to leave this earth and rest with my mum cause I’m so ashamed of myself and how I could end up with a man like this .but I can’t leave my kids .. I don’t know …

BD

My son’s father wants to have a “talk”. I don’t want to . I don’t want to hear him . I’m actually in this stage where I don’t feel nothing for him . Everything I felt before I finally decided to get away from him , is still there . I know that he might want to get back together I do miss the feeling of sleeping with someone & cooking for someone but I don’t miss providing for someone other than my child . That’s when messed up . I feel like he only wants to be a family because he knows I held it down . I did everything. I hate being used . I hate feeling like the last option . This man put me through so much I don’t even want to look at him anymore . I feel bad bc my son always ask about him coming to move with us but he don’t get the pain he caused me . I felt like a different person . I hated myself actually . To think that I would want a family when in reality I know that he only wants to come back because he can’t do it alone is unfair and heartbreaking to me . I don’t have feelings for him but I do care that he isn’t in a stable place or environment. I just feel like shit . I hate my life right now

OH too rough with newborn?

I feel like my other half is *ever so slightly* too rough with our 4-week-old.

I **know** I'm overly cautious, but I feel like he's the complete opposite. He doesn't always support her neck when he picks her up, holds her bottle almost straight down so she's gulping, passes her over one-handed (literally by one hand, not even his arm), towel-dries her like she's a soggy Labrador, and tugs on her legs when he's getting her into the baby carrier. The list goes on.

I know, without a doubt, he'd never intentionally hurt her. I'm trying so hard not to be a helicopter parent because I don't want to knock his confidence or make him feel like he can't do anything right. But I get genuinely anxious at the thought of leaving her with him because he's just not as gentle or careful as I am.

I'm not saying my way is the only right way. I probably *am* too careful. I just don't know how to bring it up without sounding critical. She's his baby too, and I don't want him to feel like I'm gatekeeping.

But also... mate, please stop handling the baby like she's a takeaway coffee. 😅

Missing out?

My 3.5 year old toddler doesn’t watch any kids shows on TV. Other children seem interested in TV show characters and enjoy incorporating them in their play. Sometimes other toddlers try to play/ talk about these with him and he doesn’t engage well due to the unfamiliarity. Even his nursery have done activities based around TV characters/shows. Is he missing out because we do not give him access to these? Should I introduce them?

He does have limited some screen time but these do not include watching TV shows with characters. I really wanted to have limited screen time for as long as possible.

Potty training at 18 months

My sons recently turned 18 months and I want to start potty training has anyone else tried around this age and what did you do please?

Behaviour question ?

So back story we are friends with my child’s nursery key worker. My child has always been very very high needs since she was born and now she’s 3 it’s honestly just relentless. Our friend said they all thought she could have ADHD but it’s not like they’ve actually formally mentioned anything.

The other day they asked if I could take her to get her hearing tested as she says ‘what’ a lot and basically doesn’t listen to instructions and talks sooo loudly all the time. Obvs I know this can be typical behaviour. Is it worth mentioning that nursery mentioned ADHD at the dr appointment? As it was off guard I’m not sure what to do with this info?
The other thing is that nursery is a bit of a free for all and not sure if this is learnt behaviour? She’s always having fights with this lad that picks on her even though she says she’s friends with him. She never says anyone gets told off.

She starts a new pre school soon and they said they will give every new child an assessment to see if they have any extra needs so not sure if to wait till then and see how she gets on? Could just be environment?

There’s obviously a lot more of her behaviour that I haven’t mentioned but it’s a LOT. I feel quite lonely and sad because it is very hard work.