Am I a terrible wife?
Hey all…I am 4 months postpartum and struggle with PPD/PPA. My husband knows nothing about mental health no matter how many times I explain what I’m going through. This evening he asked if I could “schedule him in for a makeout session.” I told him sure…whenever he takes care of the laundry for the kids, cooks, cleans, takes our son to his frequent appts, runs the household, remembers our sons meds, etc and he just looked at me. He helps some don’t get me wrong. But he leaves the mental load to me, waits for me to tell him what to do and then says I didn’t remind him if he forgets to do something. Am I a terrible wife? Y’all I am exhausted to my core we both also work full-time.
Marriage after having a child
A rant.
So I've always heard of couples fighting more after having kids, and how having kids change you and I thought, well my husband and I have already gone through so much how different can it be? We always managed to resolve our conflicts. But since having my first daughter my perspective on our whole relationship has changed.
He's not a bad person, he can be very caring and Id say hes a good father, especially comparing to some of the horror stories I read. He loves our daughter very much.
But our relationship has suffered greatly. For more context too, our daughter was conceived through ivf because my husband struggles with low T and low sperm count. So our sex life is practically non existent. In the past 2 years we only did it once to induce labor and it was so clinical.
Theres also no intimacy. No kissing other than a quick peck. No time to cuddle or hold hands. Our conversation is mostly about our daughter, our families or his work. I honestly havent really been in the mood either, at least not to be intimate with him. He acts more like a roomate than a husband. He doesnt look at me like hes attracted to me. He doesnt do anything in a flirty way, literally nothing about our marriage lately has any chemistry.
But I dont see myself with anyone else or even outside of this marriage. I just wish things were different. When we argue he becomes a jerk. Gaslighting. Stonewalling. Rude. I can cry and he will walk away and sleep easy. It sucks because on our good days we used to have deep conversations and I used to feel great around him. Now im mostly always annoyed with his shortcomings. Not to mention he is 43 and still needs to be reminded to take out the trash or break down boxes or given lists etc. Ya Im an overfunctioning wife and Im tired to being the manager.
Honestly after having a kid so much that I used to tolerate I just cant stand anymore. Hes 8 years older than me but sometimes I feel like Im the older one. And with the complete lack of intimacy I just mostly feel annoyed. Honestly idk what to do anymore. I quit my job to raise our daughter and have 0 money. I have no family to help me. I don't want to lose my current house and I honestly wish my relationship would just get better but we tried therapy, i tried expressing how i feel and he says he understands but then nothing changes. Im just burnt out.
