Don't Get a Divorce for the Sake of the Baby🧸

I’m in a pretty delicate situation. I have a three-month-old baby, and I’ve been married for four years, but it seems like our marriage may be coming to an end.

We have both accepted that, for our baby’s sake, we will probably need to stay together until he is at least two or three years old. There is still love between us.

As a new mother, with all the hormonal and emotional changes that come with this period, I feel very conflicted about how I should behave and what mindset I should have.

Do I tell myself, “He is still my husband, I still love him,” and continue living as though nothing has really changed until the relationship eventually ends? That would include continuing to have a sexual and affectionate relationship with him, but I’m afraid that this could make me even more emotionally vulnerable and make the eventual separation much more painful.

Or should I start creating some emotional and physical distance now — less touching, less intimacy, and more of a roommate/co-parent relationship? That also feels incredibly difficult when you still love the person. It feels sad for both of us, because it would mean not really being able to comfort, support, or be close to each other during such an intense period of our lives.

At the same time, seeing other people while we are still married is not something I consider ethically acceptable.

I’m genuinely torn between protecting myself emotionally and allowing myself to continue loving and being close to my husband while we still have this time together. What do you think is the healthiest way to approach a situation like this?

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Choose your peace and yourself first , love yourself and and baby so much and refuse anything that doesn’t bring you love..

If there's still love and its not toxic, I'd suggest going to couple's therapy if you can afford it. Try to save the marriage

Definitely try couples counciling if you think there's any slight hope!

I don’t recommend making any big decisions regarding the relationship within the first 2 years of childbirth. Settle in to parenthood and let your hormones regulate some. Marriage counseling may be beneficial as well

Why don't you try to work on the marriage of there if there is still love there...why wouldn't their be a chance to reconcile and heal the marriage?! Plus if you do continue with sex and everything there is a very big chance you could get pregnant again because women are like really fertile after having a baby... But like I said if y'all still love each other go to counseling or whatever and see if you can salvage your marriage.

One thing i will say from experience is the first 2 years of a baby's life is most difficult for couples as you have all the late nights both parties are running low on sleep hormones are everywhere everything's new and there's a lot of mistakes to be made from everyone as you learn the new lifestyle and what works for you both and baby. If the relationship isn't toxic or abusive i recommended sitting down and talking about what you struggle with as a couple ways you could better help and support eachother and if you are finding this hard but want to make it work not for the baby but because you genuinely love this person then try couples therapy if you can.

Thank you for all your kind advice. The problems we were having didn’t start after the baby arrived—they were already there and have just gotten worse. To go to therapy, both people need to acknowledge that changes need to be made on both sides. As far as he’s concerned, I’ve been the one at fault from the very beginning. Believe me, I’ve been patient for quite some time now :)And I'll be that way for another two years.
However, I really don’t want to get pregnant. Even my first baby wasn’t planned....

You didn’t say why you’re separating. Based on what you did say, I’d work on my marriage. Pregnancy and a fresh baby can be a tough time on people’s relationship. If you actually do love one another, go to therapy together. Also, if you really don’t want to be together and work on things, then don’t: but be actually separated aka live separately.

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