Alone and disconnected
I moved to an entire new state i March of last year after losing my job. My fiance and I were in different states because of our careers. We took that as a sign it was time for me to move so we could actually be together year round.
I was super active and immersed in community before the move. I was on a social volleyball, kick back, and softball team. I loved all my teammates. We bbq’d , hung out, really bonded into a family. My coworkers were my girls and we were tight. I had gym friends, college friends, my best friend. I MADE A FAMILY. Mind you I wasn’t even from this area.
But for some reason I haven’t been able to find that where I currently am. Now I was pregnant by September so that made it even harder to get out but I tried really hard before that. I found a gym, I tried some of the social leagues, I researched places to make friends on social media and it just still hasn’t worked. My pregnant was so lonely.
My fiance works 7 days a week and his career doesn’t allow a lot of spare time during the season. So I’m just feeling soooo alone and it’s make my PPD hard to get through.
Idk what to do anymore.
Would this make you question an online friendship, or am I overthinking it?
I have an online friend I’ve known for a while. We’ve FaceTimed, gone live together, talked regularly, etc. However, I’ve noticed that I’m often the one who has to reach out first.
The other thing that’s been bothering me is that over the last 3–4 months, he’s asked me for probably 4–5 different times. The amounts have been small — things like $5, $15, $30 — but I’ve never offered him money, and I’ve never actually sent him anything.
He’s recently started a new full-time job and says he won’t get his first paycheck until next week, which I understand can happen with a new job depending on the payroll schedule.
What really makes me question it, though, is that I’m literally due to have my baby any day now. I’ve been pregnant this entire time, and despite knowing I’m this close to giving birth, he’s still asked me for money multiple times over the past few months.
Am I wrong for feeling like that’s kind of off? It’s not even necessarily the amount of money — it’s the fact that someone I’m supposedly friends with keeps asking me for money when I’ve never given them any indication that I’m willing to do that.
Would you see this as a red flag that he may be keeping me around because he thinks eventually I’ll give in, or am I reading too much into it?
Never enough
Im so done. I can't do it anymore, is it like this for everyone, none stop from the moment I open my eyes until I shut them briefly. 2 under 2, love them dearly but I'm not enough. I can't give any more.
I hate myself. How I feel, how I look, the fact I have no time to do a little somthing for myself. It's never ending. I get that's just the way it is and I'm selfish for wanting those things. I just feel so alone in this and guilty for sounding ungrateful for my 2 miracle babies
