I don’t think my BD is my person and I’m terrified

We met a few years ago and got pregnant about 6 months into dating unintentionally. But when i was pregnant we were still doing good and everything was fine. However, I feel like post partum everything feels different. He doesn’t really talk to me about much anything, I don’t feel like he’s attracted to me since gaining pregnancy weight, he makes snooty comments about money and how I need to pay off my student and car debts before he would marry because he’s not marrying debt (everything in his life was fully funded by his parents who seem to always come before me). And maybe my biggest beef is he just isn’t that into being a dad. He’s attached to his phone 24/7 even when our son is trying to get his attention and it really just grosses me out. How can you not want to interact with this hilarious little man? He doesn’t do activities with us like go on any outings, the pool, the zoo, etc. I just go alone. My sons not missing out on life on his account.

All of that to say I am so confused and terrified and I don’t know what to do. I am heartbroken and terrified of the idea of my son having split parents. I never wanted that. But I also don’t feel like we are the right match at all.

I’ve tried talking to him about the things that I don’t like or that feel hurtful to me and he goes on the defensive. Ive brought up therapy (i go every 2-4 weeks) and he said “why would you even ask me that? Because I’m just the f***ed up one and need therapy because IM the problem?” I don’t know what else to do but my soul hurts a little more every day. He’s not always terrible we have some good times but our priorities and wants don’t feel aligned at all for what our life looks like.

Has anyone been there? Do you regret staying so long? Do you regret leaving? Is your baby still fine and happy with separate homes? Do they mature at all and it gets better? Our son is 18 months.

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I got pregnant a few months into me and my BD dating. Things weren’t going well. I argued with him all the time, I knew he wasn’t my person. I left and for most of my pregnancy we’d argue over the phone. It was hard to accept the breakup and the fact I didn’t have him to really be there with me for all the milestones. But I knew I still made the right decision. Not because he was even a bad person, but the relationship wasn’t enough for Almost in my 3rd trimester, and I’m pretty confident about our coparenting plans. And we’re honestly friends at this point. It took awhile to get to this point but it worked out the way it was supposed to. But I was really prepared to just have ill feelings towards him until I got over it. He had hurt me by lying before. I know my battles are not over though, old feelings may come back, different parenting styles are yet to shown, and new relationships in both our lives are coming. Also u said something I always said- mine and his morals didn’t align.

Me and my husband got married when I was 3 months pregnant. We had only been together for those 3 months
It's not something I'd advocate for because I know I got lucky with the man that my husband is
It is absolutely okay to live in separate households.As long as you can coparent giving him space may give him wake up call.He needs to grow up and be a real father and partner to you.

as a kid of divorce my mum and dad made the right call they tried to make it work for years and we were all miserable me and my sister could tell they didn’t love each other and i feel like that made it worse in the long run. life was so much happier and better once they finally split

in our community

Is making your husband dinner part of being a stay at home Mum?

I’m a stay at home Mum, my partner works 06:00 - 18:00 most days. Whilst he is at work I’m trying to manage the house, look after my toddler the best I can, take her to groups etc. I feel like my responsibilities include house management and my toddler, and sometimes dinner does not fit into this due to time restraints and I will give my toddler a ‘snack plate’ type meal. He feels like dinner is an expectation and part of my ‘role’ as a stay at home parent.

He will typically cook on Saturday, but every other day it is deemed as my responsibility. Thoughts on this?

How do you deal with friends who spend money like there’s no tomorrow but complain daily that they can’t afford food?

Like seriously expensive days out regularly, including buying souvenirs, eating at the not-cheap restaurant there, paying for entry, parking, extras, then paying monthly instalments for holidays, on top of having countless unnecessary things on finance, buying everything tesco finest and m&s and looking down on shops like Aldi.
Then when I invite them to a free day day out at a community fete where it’s free entry free games free face painting etc they tell me they can’t afford to come and are worried about covering the next food shop. I know it’s not an excuse and they are genuinely struggling but also it’s pretty obvious why they’re struggling 🙃

Does this schedule sound too full for a 7 year old?

School starts the 10th or September, season for dance and gymnastics starts after the 14th.

Monday - theatre/puppetry class
Tuesday - therapy
Wednesday - gymnastics
Thursday - open~
Friday - choir practice
Saturday - dance 9-3pm
Sunday - church/choir

It really sucks

I want so much for my boyfriend to find me sexy or even the slightest bit attractive but when I ask if he does he gives me the bs line about liking my personality, or he'll just ask what I think🙄. I mean yes I know he prefers bigger women which I am. But I know that has a limit and just cause he likes it in general doesn't mean he likes it on me. I don't have the slightest clue on how to make myself look attractive or sexy. Until him I never cared to do so. I'm 37 I've slept with probably close if not over 40 men and until him I never cared in the slightest if they liked how I look. Up until him I wore black all the time and dressed horribly in baggy clothes and dirty sneakers. With him it's so different and I want maybe even need him to find me attractive, sexy even, and I have no idea what to do.

My husband changed his phone passcode

He changed his passcode in his old phone, which is very strange. Never once I have I ever changed my passcode. I tried to check his laptop history and it was all deleted.

advice (long one)

there’s a lot of things that my partner says i don’t do like he said yesterday when have i ever considered him before making a decision, to which i answered i don’t know, what kind of decision.. what decision requires me to consider him only if i go out somewhere.
he says i don’t care if i let him sleep or not when, (he sleeps in the afternoon when the kids are awake we live in a flat which means they’re confined to one room for most of the day just so he sleeps which makes no sense to me and for them is impossible they wanna play in their bedroom where their other toys are they wanna run up and down🤷🏽‍♀️)
he says i don’t respect him, he says i don’t love him i only love what he does for me,
he says i’m selfish and inconsiderate because he might ask me to do things for him and i dont do it or i forget because i am forgetful..
i dont cook food for him that he likes to eat(he eats african food).. he says i dont do anything for him,
ive been bleeding for a while from contraception but sex has always been a problem where he says i dont always do it when he asks, but when i want to do it,he does, even if he doesn’t want to (which i say he doesn’t have to)
i feel like there’s a lot of times where in a relationship the man is the problem, but I feel like this time it’s mainly me and I’m not sure exactly how to fix it. like maybe i am the problem maybe i’m too young maybe i don’t know how to love and respect and care for a man but surely not, i just am confused
am i with the wrong person or do i just need to love him better, does he need to love me better so im return i will change too.
maybe its because he works so much maybe it’s just that I don’t feel like I’m getting enough time from him enough support and care from him but he could say the same too, i think we prioritise different things like he prioritises work over everything and making money i prioritise family, and quality time spent together, or with our kids and he would rather not and would rather do those things “when he’s rich”