Married but feeling as a single mom. It hurts

We just did a 15h journey. During the 2h wait and 8h30h plane my husband did nothing. During the wait he was on his phone and managing to do a detaxe (but why 2h for it?) and then during the plane He slept and watched movies the all time.
Last night we both had a very few hours sleep.
I was so exhausted and sad bc he said at some point also just let them cry if they want they need to learn. To learn ??!!!! They are 2 and 1 ! Am I crazy ?
I cried at some point. It was damn hard, I was so exhausted. Sad that his tiredness comes 1st before his kids needs. Sad that he knows that I won’t let my babies cry, and he doesn’t care how I am myself .
Then he got very angry at me bc people was seeing me crying and “what are they gonna think I am”
And then he lectured me how I was playing being a victim while I am lucky, bc I don’t lack money while struggling on 3 jobs with 7kids.
Then he knows that I can’t have good sleep when we arr angry at each other but again he refused a cuddle when I finished to say sorry.
I ended to say sorry bc I finished to think yes maybe he is right I am too much ? He works a lot and never takes holidays, he does also a lot. But now re-thinking it I don’t think I’m crazy. Maybe other days he is a good dad yes, tbh since we have 2 not that much but he does work a lot.
And when we came home he took the time to unpack and prepare his computer and watch series !!! So he wasn’t exhausted like me lol…
So am I crazy ?
And what to do ? It is not the first time… every time I finish to say sorry bc I don’t like to be angry then he says sorry too you are right. the day after while I can’t get good sleep. I can’t control to not finding sleep … but he can make the effort to make me feel loved before sleep even if he is angry doesn’t he ?

in our community

I don’t think my BD is my person and I’m terrified

We met a few years ago and got pregnant about 6 months into dating unintentionally. But when i was pregnant we were still doing good and everything was fine. However, I feel like post partum everything feels different. He doesn’t really talk to me about much anything, I don’t feel like he’s attracted to me since gaining pregnancy weight, he makes snooty comments about money and how I need to pay off my student and car debts before he would marry because he’s not marrying debt (everything in his life was fully funded by his parents who seem to always come before me). And maybe my biggest beef is he just isn’t that into being a dad. He’s attached to his phone 24/7 even when our son is trying to get his attention and it really just grosses me out. How can you not want to interact with this hilarious little man? He doesn’t do activities with us like go on any outings, the pool, the zoo, etc. I just go alone. My sons not missing out on life on his account.

All of that to say I am so confused and terrified and I don’t know what to do. I am heartbroken and terrified of the idea of my son having split parents. I never wanted that. But I also don’t feel like we are the right match at all.

I’ve tried talking to him about the things that I don’t like or that feel hurtful to me and he goes on the defensive. Ive brought up therapy (i go every 2-4 weeks) and he said “why would you even ask me that? Because I’m just the f***ed up one and need therapy because IM the problem?” I don’t know what else to do but my soul hurts a little more every day. He’s not always terrible we have some good times but our priorities and wants don’t feel aligned at all for what our life looks like.

Has anyone been there? Do you regret staying so long? Do you regret leaving? Is your baby still fine and happy with separate homes? Do they mature at all and it gets better? Our son is 18 months.

Does this schedule sound too full for a 7 year old?

School starts the 10th or September, season for dance and gymnastics starts after the 14th.

Monday - theatre/puppetry class
Tuesday - therapy
Wednesday - gymnastics
Thursday - open~
Friday - choir practice
Saturday - dance 9-3pm
Sunday - church/choir

Am I wrong for wanting my husband to back me up with his daughter?

My 9 year old stepdaughter is becoming quite the challenge. She is very rough with my 14 month old and I’m constantly telling her to stop doing things that could hurt my toddler. Yesterday, my toddler did what toddlers do and playfully hit my SD & her reaction was to headbutt my toddler. I corrected her immediately. We had guests over when it occurred and they just looked at me like woah that was crazy. After they left, I mentioned it to my husband in front of sd and she responded “no you saw wrong” to which my husband pretty much just shrugged and said nothing. I replied I’m not about to do this and got up to walk away since it’s absolutely disrespectful of a child to basically call me a liar at something I witnessed.

While I was upset my husband looked at me and said say something to her, which is what I was doing when I mentioned it.

Am I wrong for feeling like the moment she tried to say I saw wrong was when he should’ve stepped in to correct her and set her straight? He ended up doing so only after he and I argued about it.

It’s almost as though he just wants me to parent her and that’s not cool. I have my own bio son who is 14 and would never allow him to think it’s ok to lie and disrespect my husband. He thinks it’s because he bonds with him more than I bond with her. But it’s like no, I’ve parented him to know better. And I do bond with her. I do her hair, I just bought her a period kit to bring to school just in case as she said her peers have started theirs. But it’s truly hard for me to get close to her since she’s constantly lying about things I see her doing, doesn’t listen and makes me repeat myself a million times and is unsafe towards my toddler.

It’s creating a wedge in my marriage and I truly feel the drift.

What else should I add?

I have a 11 month old daughter who is a chunker she loves to eat and idk if this is enough 😩

My husband changed his phone passcode

He changed his passcode in his old phone, which is very strange. Never once I have I ever changed my passcode. I tried to check his laptop history and it was all deleted.

iPad for a 2 year old?!

I’ve just found out that my MIL has just bought an iPad for my daughter for Christmas. She hasn’t asked us if it’s ok or if we would want her to have an iPad. I’m absolutely fuming because I don’t want her to have an iPad yet but my partner is being very unbothered about it. He agrees she should’ve asked but said she can just use it to watch movies like she does on our phones. I think it’s absolutely ridiculous to give her an iPad at age 2 and that we weren’t consulted.

What do you think?