Would you stay or leave?
Long story short, me & my bf have a 2 year old.
My whole pregnancy and 2 years of my son being here hasn’t been easy. I had little support from my bf because he wanted to play golf all the time, be at the pub or worked late. He was an alcoholic and a heavy Ketamine user.. he quit a few weeks ago.
I forgave so many things, like him never supporting or spending time with us, not helping around the house, coming home in a bad way, having seizures or falling from too much drugs and alcohol.. it was scary. I forgave everything, even things like i planned a birthday day out and he got way too drunk, sniffed too much, we left early and he went to get more Ketamine. It ruined my plans and the day completely.
I said a couple months ago he needed to move out if he didn’t stop all of it, so he has.
But now i look back and can’t believe i let him treat me that way.. i feel traumatised and upset when i think back to all the things he had done. And it’s made me fall out of love with him.
But i know he is trying so hard to not go back to alcohol, drugs and is helping more and being present.
What should i do?
Ps, my son has never witnessed him being in a bad way, i have always kept our son in a different room or away from him completely.
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Children at 2 years old are much more clever than we think, just because he’s not right in front of it or in the same room does not mean he’s not slowly understanding that this man is a bad person. My mum stayed and she stayed for 13 years, tried to leave many times and couldn’t. He kept saying he stopped but was still doing it. From my experience as the child in your scenario, don’t wait until you can’t leave.
But of course do what you think is right, none can tell you what to do. You need to come to that decision by yourself for it to stick.
He’s an addict at the end of the day & will need professional help until he admits he has a problem and does something about it I’m not sure he’ll fully changed his ways..
you either stay & help him get the help or you leave and let him get worse …
Leave because you gotta put your kid first. It’s easier when they are little cuz they won’t remember what it was like living with someone like that. And you don’t want be walking on eggshells for when he may fall off the wagon.
This may not be the end of the road for him and so if you stay you need to be mindful that he may relapse and decide if that's something you want to deal with.
I grew up , one of four kids to parents who stayed together until their kids were 15 despite never getting along, they thought it was the right thing to do but if anything it inbuilt a fear into our minds to just leave before it gets to that level! I would leave because I look at my behaviours and patterns in a relationship and recognise where I've picked that up. You and your partners role model what a safe love should look like for your kids. Imo sticking together when your generally not working well together is not to the benefit of your kids.
Just to be clear being sober for a few weeks doesn't make him not an alcoholic/addict.
He is still very much an addict and in my experience, these relationships are draining and traumatising for sure. My ex was the same except had an alcohol and coke addiction. We never had a child together so I can't imagine the added stress on you.
Addicts are selfish and inconsiderate and the only way things will ever change is when HE decides enough is enough.
I would personally leave.
Leaving was the best thing for me. I did therapy to work through the trauma and betrayal. I understand you have a child so it's not an easy decision but you and your child deserve to be away from that stress
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