Rant 🤦‍♀️ Baby daddy drama M(28) F(21)

Ok this is going to be kind of long winded but i need to get my thoughts out there and need some advice!!

So i had a baby four months ago my partner was abusive and drank everyday so since having her i have left him, she does have his last name sadly but its a long story as to why i didnt want her to have mine.

So since i have had her he has been in jail four or five times all for some form of him being intoxicated either driving getting banned from a bar ect. Currently in jail atm aswell.

The only reason he has ever tried to contact me or message about her is to get to me and have some form of control over me still even though i am living with my sister and safe. Hes trying to see me more then hes trying see his own daughter or he doesnt want to see her unless im there aswell.

Since i went into preterm labor i had to stop working a lot sooner then i had planned over a month sooner i wasnt nearly where i wanted to be on buying stuff for my baby even though she has all she would ever need atm and has not went without anything not even for 10 minutes.

He had some diapers and wipes, mind you once i got them i think i bought them actually but anyways, he kept holding them over my head saying i was keeping stuff from her that she needed. He would say hed bring them but later that day i get drunk messages from him or hes in jail, again. He never wanted to agree as to where to bring them, because my sister doesnt want him to know where her house is so that me and my baby always have a safe place he doesnt know where is at. So i said my grandmas but it was never good enough.

He didnt want to send me money because im just money hungry and wont spend it on her which i have never asked him for money i asked him to place a door dash or walmart oder and have it send to my grandmas or simply he buy it and bring the stuff to my grandmas but i let it be very known i didnt need his help he didnt need to keep being so him about everything if he didnt want to do it dont do it.

Hes changed hes different its been so many days since he drank, mind you i seen the booking details of the arrest a week or so before hand so it didnt match up to how long he had “been sober” actually but anyways ignored it he wasnt going to bring anything its going to be held over my head any chance ive given him to see her he hasnt taken it hes gotten drunk or had his father come to the car and not him so im done i tried my whole pregnancy while he beat on me im done.

Well he came to my grandmothers house drunk acting a fool dropped some diapers and wipes off finally the ones i think i bought anyways because of the tag on it it was a mobile order deal, but he leaves there and gets arrest already having a DUI when he met having just got of probation at the start of this year and all the other times he went to jail while i pregame after i had her ect all of it dealing with him drinking him not having his license right now for something involving drinking and driving not to do with the probation and previous DUI hes going to get atleast 6 months hes in there right now. I know hes perfect 🙄

My issue is im conflicted on if i should put him on child support or not. Ive seen someone say they left it alone and years later the kid realized and everyone seen him for who he was, and plus the feeling of knowing i did that shit for her all me. I seen people come to agreement without court which i know we wont. The only agreement he will come to is if im staying with him, which he doesnt have a house since i stopped paying his rent right before i found out i was pregnant he lives with his grandma, the first grandma kicked him out for still drinking mind you.

I dont want to open a door that i dont need to open right? Because i refuse any overnight i dont care i will flee the damn state and im not playing about my baby, i know how he is when he get overwhelmed, and she isnt an easy baby she is fussy. I know what his family is like and what happened to him as a child to him and his brother and their mother being an alcoholic as well his grandparents he stayed with now have always disrespected me and his whole family thinks they are better then me just because im young but i have always done better then him job wise and everything even if im just now 21.

I dont want me getting child support to open the gates of him getting full custody or even trying to. I have all my files screenshots recordings paystubs and everything i need incase it goes that way my anxiety has me over prepared but he is her father at the end of the day and needs held accountable of sorts.

My main reason for wanting child support besides just in general he should support his child is because of me going on leave so early because preterm labor ive been staying with my sister her husband and her two year old son. My brother in law is the only one who works at the moment and my sister is pregnant with her second child. For when i plan to return to work my brother in law doesnt need to be supporting three children even if he can because he has an amazing job we have never went without but its unfair to him to support another mans child while raising his own and preparing for a new baby.

Im sorry for the long winded post i really needed to just word vomit and get some things out please if you have any advice i need it if you cant tell.

in our community

Is this okay?

Bf forcing me into a career because he said it’s the only way to make money. Commercial real estate, he on a new kick and said i have 3 months to get going on it or he’ll find a partner who will… apparently my goals in life don’t matter as much as money. We have 3 under 5 and I’m a caregiver for my 2 asd kids and homeschooling and therapy 5 days a week between those 2 kids and being disabled myself and we don’t even live together so I do it all alone basically. I planned on having and building a career because I’m 23 I have time still but he said that doesn’t matter and i need my real estate license asap. I planned on going back to school to either finish my criminology degree or go into cosmetology/ be a nail tech since I already do nails on the side. I said I have more than enough time in my day to get my license and and basically start running a business when I’m barely holding things together at home😤

Anyone else bored of their life?

Bored of the same thing every day only so much we can do with our babies and so many walks and coffees etc. Any ideas on how to mix things up abit? Im just so bored and its making me depressed

just a thought

does anyone else feel like they’ve absolutely lost them selves they just don’t know who they are and how to figure who they are now they know there a mum but apart from a mum who they are how to find who there meant to be

Friends

My only goal of joining this app was to make one genuine friend and I’m still trying. It’s hard because people don’t wanna put in the effort to keep conversations going. I get to know one another I will be 39 on the 24th. I like tattoos, outdoors, deep conversations, and genuine people if you would like a sustainable friendship shoot me a message.

Looking for girly friends

I’m a mother of 3 I will love to have more girls friends to go out and talk to when ever we both need it and always help each other as well I’m
Look for people that just positive and want other girl friends I’m from New York and willing to travel with them as well alone with out kids n sometimes moms days out, get out nails done hair and hit the spa!!!

Sahm /retirement

Some advice needed
So me and my partner had our youngest nearly a year ago. We both work(ed) i didnt work for around 6/7 months while he was a baby but was itching to get out and communicate with people.
During that time i still paid half of everything (i hate people paying for me)
Now we've discussed a change of circumstances and ive had to give up my job for the time being. My partner is on an apprenticeship (better pay then his previous job but more hours and less time off) so realistically we'll see him for an hour everyday then weekends.
Ive already told him that if im staying home the next 2-4 years, im not paying half the rent as my job will be staying home, i will still be paying something though as im no housemaid🤣
That was kind of context my question is how do i go about retirement?
I dont have one but had it set up through work as im now of age to be considered. I already feel abit weird telling him i want money to go to only me (obviously only matching whatever basic retirement is) but i also feel i need to set myself up as ive already missed out on a years worth of it. Like its not fair if cone retirement my partner has a nice sum to sit on and ive got very little.
Any advice?