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First time mums

Feeling like a really shit mum today

I’ve just spent the last hour crying my eyes out I feel like such a shit mum.

My 2 year hasn’t slept properly for 5.5 weeks due to a sleep regression, and there’s no signs it’s getting better, so we haven’t slept either. And since last night she’s had a fever and a stomach bug or something so she couldn’t go to nursery today.

That meant I had to work from home whilst looking after her all day with no support (no annual leave at work left, can’t afford unpaid leave, no family nearby to help, husband works in a call centre so he can’t help).

I think she was getting bored of me working, because all day she’s been horrible to me.

Throwing things at me, hitting me in the head hard with hard items to the point I have a lump and a headache, shouting at me, jumping over me when I’ve been on calls, refusing to have her temperature taken by hitting me and screaming in my face, and by the end of working and her still throwing things at me I shouted at her and told her off. She then went off crying because she doesn’t like being told off, and I felt like the worst mum in the world.

And I’ve been crying ever since.

I hate the fact I had to work today instead of give her my whole attention. I know people will come at me and tell me I had a choice but I didn’t. We can’t afford for me to take unpaid leave as my money covers most of our bills and food on our table.

I’ve just felt so stressed out and burned out today from a mix of everything I just feel like such a shit mum.

I don’t think I have a point to the post, I just needed to get it out and vent because I have no friends and nobody to talk to other than my husband and he doesn’t get these feelings because she’s good as gold when she’s with him.

Does this age ever get better because I don’t know how much longer I can cope with not sleeping and the tantrums?