How to break a trauma bond when no contact isn’t an option

I need to save myself and get away from this man. No contact isn’t an option because we share a child and he bought the house next door in the “break up” that never really happened.

I’m so miserable and angry all the time and a shell of who I used to be. All he does is put me down, knit pick, and criticize and it’s turned me into this extremely hateful person and I’m so burned out all the time. My body physically hurts from stress, and I don’t enjoy anything anymore. He calls me constantly. Like 30 or more times a day. And if I don’t answer he accuses me of sneaking around or cheating on him. He tells everyone that I call him constantly and I’m the controlling one, so his whole family/friends all hate me. But my family and friends hate him because they know me, so obviously im not allowed to talk to them. And he knows. He goes through my phone, but his phone changes passwords daily (I’m not stupid. I know there’s other women, and I’ve talked to a few of them). He’s verbally and emotionally abusive, everything is my responsibility and even if it’s a task for multiple people, and if I don’t do it then I get screamed at.

I want to leave so badly. Some days just being around him makes me feel anxious. When he’s in a good mood, it’s great. Perfect. But it’s also quietly just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I can’t communicate any of my feelings with him without him manipulating me and making it my problem/fault or a comment on how I don’t try enough, or just woman hating in general. Everything I say about my day/hobbies/tv shows I watched are ll stupid and a waste of his time. You would swear this man hates me, but then he won’t let go of me and as soon as he tells me he’s done with me and he’s gonna find a better woman, I feel this sense of relief just briefly enough for him to be freaking out that I’m ignoring his calls and he didn’t get dinner. He tracks my location and questions everything down to “why are you in a different office today” when I’m in meetings, and calls me every minute I’m in that meeting. He’s ruining my career, self worth, confidence, and joy.

But I feel stuck and like I can’t go anywhere. I try to reach out to friends and family, but they all only have judgement and criticism which I frankly just can’t handle when I feel so small already. It ends up pushing me further away and further into him, which I know is stupid but in that moment it makes leaving my bubble feel extra exposed and uncertain and not safe. It’s scary.

I just feel so hopeless and stuck and scared and depressed and I’m so broken. We got pregnant with our baby 2 months into talking, and I wanted to stay because he is an amazing father, to our son but also to my daughter from a previous relationship. I thought we’d be this happy family, but somewhere along the way he gave up. He stppped trying so hard and his true colors came out and o realized I’d been with who he wanted me to see and not go he was, but at that point it felt too late (kids, living together, engaged). It all came out the first time he cheated, and that’s the first time I started seeing his differently… and then because I forgave him and decided to move forward, he did just stop being the man I loved and became who he was before me.

Sorry I didn’t mean to trauma dump about my relationship, but I really just need help getting out. Not physically but the mentally and emotionally when I am mentally stuck and attached to him.

in our community

neighbours having their garden done (rant)

I KNOW ITS THEIR RIGHT TO GET THEIR GARDEN DONE OR WHATEVER BUT ITS ALSO MY RIGHT TO BE SEETHING WITH ANGER 😭😭

baby is teething and going through huge developmental leaps which means sleep and nap times are officially world war 3, hes sleeping so extremely lightly or just refusing sleep as a whole 😭 im a single mum with very minimal childcare support so i'm dealing with everything myself and have literally been at wits end going insane because i need a break and the only time i get a break is when he naps WHICH HE ISNT DOING 😭
he also will not settle with anyone so if i accept childcare (which i do appreciate, this isnt their fault!) then when i get him he is just inconsolable and screaming because hes even more overtired than before and in turn even harder to settle🫠🫠

anyway he was extremely overtired and screaming and I finally managed to get him to sleep after hours of it... then I had 10 whole minutes before they started drilling in the garden next door 🤩 I have my windows and curtains shut in anticipation but it's just so fucking loud it doesn't matter!! its a miracle getting him to sleep as it is and he will not nap in any other room!!

they've been drilling all day every day for the last week now and its driving me INSANE!
theres nothing i can say or do about it either as they're just doing their job. i did ask them how many days left of the job and they said they didnt know.
its not like they're drilling at unsociable hours or doing anything wrong but its just the BANE OF MY EXISTENCE right now 😭😭 i am SO STUPIDLY ANGRY

Feeling fragile - NEED TO VENT.

I've just been visiting my Nan at her care home with my 7 month old. Whenever we go my daughter always gets loads of attention and the residents love her.
Today the visiting daughter of one of the residents made a remark which has upset me and this has surprised me.
My daughter rocks back and forth if you're holding her or she's sitting. This lady goes "oh she's strong, she's crawling too?" and I told her that she isn't crawling yet. Her immediate reply is one of disappointment/concern. She goes on to say "well dont let her skip to walking! My adult daughter skipped crawling and is riddled with anxiety, it's all connected".

I was like what the actual F***.

Firstly please may I see your diploma, lady I've only just met.
Secondly my son didn't crawl, has she now created something new for me to worry about????
Thirdly, I AM CRIPPLED WITH ANXIETY which you'd think she'd be a bit more thoughtful about having a daughter herself who suffers. She didn't think twice about passing down this "helpful" advice.

I have never been knocked by people's comments before but today I am feeling rough. It took all my energy not to cry. Of course I am blaming myself. We don't use containers like bouncers etc but I spent a lot of time walking with her in the pram or she is on my knee but whilst my son does football and swimming so of course naturally I feel like I've f*kd up already 😀 next time I see her I am going to say "think before you comment please".

I know this is a bit dramatic but like I said, I am fragile today. My daughter is currently playing on her tummy and I don't know what else I can do tbh. I thought we were doing the right things 🤷🏻‍♂️

Didn’t realise potty training was quite this intense

I’ve started potty training my 22-month-old daughter, and today is day one. She sits on the potty without any problems. I didn’t realise how intense potty training could be! 🥲

Basically, I’m watching her the whole day and taking her to the potty every 20–30 minutes, which is quite hard work!

She’s showing all the signs that she’s ready for potty training, so I’ve decided to stay home for a few days and let her wear just her underwear.

I know it’s only day one, and I’ll keep going like this even if it takes weeks. I’ve already accepted that the first few days will probably be the hardest. My back is hurting, and cleaning poop out of underwear is definitely not a nice experience! 😅

Feeling like a really shit mum today

I’ve just spent the last hour crying my eyes out I feel like such a shit mum.

My 2 year hasn’t slept properly for 5.5 weeks due to a sleep regression, and there’s no signs it’s getting better, so we haven’t slept either. And since last night she’s had a fever and a stomach bug or something so she couldn’t go to nursery today.

That meant I had to work from home whilst looking after her all day with no support (no annual leave at work left, can’t afford unpaid leave, no family nearby to help, husband works in a call centre so he can’t help).

I think she was getting bored of me working, because all day she’s been horrible to me.

Throwing things at me, hitting me in the head hard with hard items to the point I have a lump and a headache, shouting at me, jumping over me when I’ve been on calls, refusing to have her temperature taken by hitting me and screaming in my face, and by the end of working and her still throwing things at me I shouted at her and told her off. She then went off crying because she doesn’t like being told off, and I felt like the worst mum in the world.

And I’ve been crying ever since.

I hate the fact I had to work today instead of give her my whole attention. I know people will come at me and tell me I had a choice but I didn’t. We can’t afford for me to take unpaid leave as my money covers most of our bills and food on our table.

I’ve just felt so stressed out and burned out today from a mix of everything I just feel like such a shit mum.

I don’t think I have a point to the post, I just needed to get it out and vent because I have no friends and nobody to talk to other than my husband and he doesn’t get these feelings because she’s good as gold when she’s with him.

Does this age ever get better because I don’t know how much longer I can cope with not sleeping and the tantrums?

How do YOU maintain stress-free school day mornings?

With school starting back up next week it got me thinking into ways I could make mornings easier. I already went ahead and implemented the daily “outfit/uniform” organization to make life easier for my kids to dress themselves each morning and we have a designated shoe rack near the door. Interested to hear from other moms what they do to make their mornings stress-free without having to repeat themselves, nag, beg, bargain, negotiate, etc.

What tips would you share to help other moms out? Let’s share the knowledge instead of having to pay money towards some “Master Class” lol

Nursery Funding

Hello!
Our little one was born in January 2026 & I have secured a place for him starting March 2027 which is 2 weeks after I start back at work. I know that I'll be eligible to claim 22 hours a week free, but I'm confused about when to apply for the funding.

The nursery said to do it before Dec 31st. Do I just do it when he turns 9 months? I'm assuming that that would mean that he would get the funding for term starting in the new year even though he'll only be doing his practice days & then starting March & then I'll have to apply again for that next term.

Is this right? I've just heard of so many people getting caught out by when to apply & ending up with big nursery bills for the first couple of months because they applied late