Just a rant

I feel like a failure. For context I am divorced and just got legally married to my new husband. We just eloped at the courthouse for now and want a wedding next year so we have plenty of time to save up. Right now finances are hard because I have some debt and I'm trying to get out of it. I am the breadwinner in my home because I made a lot more money than my hubs so we decided to have him be a SAHD so that we didn't have to pay for childcare anymore which has helped a lot. But it's a lot of pressure being solely financially responsible for the whole family (2 kids so 4 of us) especially when I'm not in the financial place I want to be. When we get married next year it'll be my 2nd wedding but his first. And he is excited for it. We just came back from his cousin's wedding today and wow they went all out. It was beautiful. My first wedding was the same way. I had all the things. This was possible because I was in a great place financially at the time and also my parents gave me 10k to put towards that wedding. There was a family friend at my cousin in laws wedding today who kept talking to us about our wedding next year and how we should have this and that and how I shouldn't worry cause my parents will give me money for the wedding and next we have to buy a house (right now we rent), etc. And it made me want to cry. His family doesn't know I was once already married. I doubt my parents will be giving me anymore money towards a second wedding and I would never ask either sk this time it will all be out of my pocket. I want to give my husband and his family tye best wedding that he deserves cause this is his first one and since I'm the bride it's my family's responsibility to pay for most of everything but since this is my second wedding its not. It's mine. All mine. And it sucks and breaks my heart that I may not be able to give him the wedding he dreams of and the life he dreams of because of my stupid past mistakes. And making him a SAHD was all my idea so he's trusting me completely to take care of our family. I just want to please him and take care of everything but it's a lot of pressure. And I hope that I can somehow give us a beautiful wedding next year but keep it within a decent budget but still make him.and his family happy. I just hate the situation I'm in financially. I'm looking for encouraging words I guess.

in our community

Sleeping with my enemy

I just want to vent had to let this out ..
the man I sleep beside every night didn't tell me happy birthday didn't even get me a gift . Next day got me a cheap ass card with $100 in it ..
that same day he brought gifts to go to a baby shower , later that night he went to straight club ended up at motel paying for pussay .. for this men bday I gifted him 5 gifts . Lord knows how broken was , then got the audacity to come home and lay on My bed didn't even shower , EVENTUALLY I LET ANGER GET OVER ME AND PUT MY HANDS ON HIM . Asked him to leave my house he refusing , I'm not even comfortable in my own house.
I am 6mon Postpartum.

Have Family member around for the first month pp?

I'm FTM due in Jan 2027.
Me and my husband have been arguing about this, so I’d really love to hear other people’s experiences!
I’d like to have my sister around after I have the baby. She works, but she’s happy to come and stay for at least 3 weeks to a month to help me during the early days. However, during her last visit, my MIL told my husband that having someone around might mean we don’t get enough time to bond with the baby, and that if she had the choice, she’d have only wanted mum and dad around.

She did actually have her own mum with her for at least 3 weeks after both of her deliveries, but since that comment my husband has been quite stuck on the idea that it should just be “our family time” and that he’ll be there to support me.
I come from a big joint family, so having family around after a baby is completely normal to me. All my sisters had family helping them during their postpartum recovery, so I’ve always seen it as a time when you get extra support rather than something that takes away from bonding with your baby.

My sister is also not someone who would constantly be in our business or take over. She’d help where needed and give us plenty of space to have our own time as a new family.

I’m also finding this particularly difficult because I don’t have my mum, so my sister is really the closest person I have who could be there for me emotionally and practically. My husband will be home for 2 weeks on paternity leave, but after that I’ll be on my own while he goes back to work.

So I’d really love to know what others think. Am I being too sensitive about this, or is it completely reasonable to want family around during those first few weeks for the emotional, physical and practical support?

Would you personally prefer to have just you and your partner around to bond with the baby, or would you have appreciated an extra pair of hands and some company?

And if you had family staying with you after birth, did you find it helpful or did you feel like it got in the way of having your own family time? Would really appreciate hearing everyone’s experiences!

Bd drama

Just need someone to vent to about my bd and his first bm

Wants me to be a homemaker but complains when I take the role seriously...

Early in the relationship we agreed that we will have mostly traditional family roles, he goes to work and makes money for the family, I stay home to manage the household and raise the children. My biggest struggle is keeping up with cleaning, I find it hard to do with 2 little ones constantly making messes, and when I do get the opportunity to clean motivation becomes an issue. I find it the easiest to clean when I'm actually proud and happy with the space I'm cleaning.

I started making home improvements to help improve my motivation, some matching furniture, matching bedding sets, replacing a few old items, hang some things on our bare beige walls, nothing too crazy. He'd complain about costs then complain about helping me if something needed power tools to put together but always enjoyed the end result of my ideas and our work. That's a common reoccurrance, him complaining and arguing against something the whole time just to find that he actually likes the results.

I'm trying to get to a point where I'm making family dinners more often and we all eat at the table I just upcycled for us but this is just another string of complaints. Complaints about the ingredients I get and the food I want to make for us that he's never even had before or has had and just doesn't want to spend money on the ingredients. I want to make 3 homemade meals this week, nothing too crazy either, and apparently that's asking too much for him to cooperate with. I want to make baked white fish, he complains he won't like it even though he says he hasn't had it, complains it might be expensive, complains it might stink up the whole house.

He just wants everything to stay as it's always been yet married me because he wants improvement and change in our lives together. If he were alone he'd be in a nearly bare apartment but I want to make it a home for our family and every idea I have or try out gets complaints and push back and never really receives the appreciation or thanks for it after he finds he does really like what I bring to the table. He wants me to consider being our children's homeschool teacher but I dread the potential complaints I'd hear from him, I'd need to see a change in attitude and support before I take on that task.

Anyone else relate or dealt with this before? Any advice that doesn't involve dramatically divorcing?

Feeling lost

I’m 38 weeks and got broke up with yesterday, I feel utterly broken and I’ve already been struggling being really depressed throughout the entire pregnancy and now I am in the trenches and don’t know what to do. I have no friends and only my mum n dad and don’t drive, no access to do stuff by myself and I feel so utterly alone and don’t know what to do. He’s left me cause he says I’ve been verbally overwhelming and mean, I have been, I’ve been so sad and miserable and in so much pain I’ve got myself so frustrated with everyone and everything and now I feel I’ve ruined everything. I just need to vent and I need advice I don’t know what to do, I’m terrified and I have to do labour alone and the only person I want to hold me I can’t even cause he hates me. I am broken

Am I wrong?

So me and my bf got into a huge argument today. He is upset because im upset about him calling me a weak person and all together just being a disrespectful person towards me . So last weekend he decided to bring his other daughter (shes 6) to meet her new lil sis (our daughter) he told me that he was gonna help clean I didn’t have to do it all myself. I have an 10 yr old son as well so , during this convo he said I could go to his house to get rest while he watches the girls , my son decided to come home from by his grandmother cus he goes to school over there and she helps me out plus all his cousins over there as well . So I said no I’ll stay at my place cus its gonna be 3 kids and I could just sleep in the bed with my son while him and the girls take my room. He really didn’t do anything. He slept most of the time the first night I got 4hrs of sleep and then he came in the middle of the night while I was pumping and gave her to me . Settled her down brought her back in the room. The second night he just complained about how she keeps waking up . Now mind you I pumped and made bottles for him so all he had to do was grab warm and feed . So long story short , he told me today that I need to stop breastfeeding because our daughter isn’t getting enough milk . Now she was 7lbs 15oz at birth and now is 9lbs 10oz as of now . I make about 4 if im lucky 5oz per pump session. My daughter is 4 weeks old today. She drinks about 2.5-3oz of milk. He told me he was gonna come stay over the weekend again and help out . Came Friday, didn’t really help baby started getting fussy he handing her back to me saying “she doesn’t like me” 😒, leaves Saturday morning the whole day he was gone came back around 8:30pish brought pampers (cool) but only stayed for 15 mins left. Texted me around midnight asked if I was sleep I said no , he said he was on his way back , I like the message. Then texts back “If you want me to just wait til the morning I can do that as well” so I said why? Then replied back it doesn’t matter” cus at that point I saw no reason to be arguing if you said you were on the way 🤦🏾‍♀️. Then text back “ima just come in the morning i don’t want to disturb you.” So the today he calls around 1p and gets upset about me not interacting the way he wants me to with him . Tells me that when I get help from him I have an attitude. But in reality when he comes over I don’t speak I go in my room let him get the baby and lay down and relax. Answer whatever question he asks and thats it, no laughing no joking no nothing. Im tired and overwhelmed I wake up every 2-3hrs to keep a human alive while he’s at his house gets all his rest , goes to work and go straight home and relaxes and he wants to tell me im making this a bad experience for him . Im making it harder on myself because im breastfeeding and I need to stop . I need to give my baby formula. He’s had 4 other kids and he knows what to do . Just degrading me . So he comes get her and I slept for 2.5 hrs and he texted me saying to unlock the door, walks in and says “She doesn’t like the formula” I tried giving her 4 oz of it but she not drinking it. She just kept pushing the bottle out . Started breastfeeding her she’s feeding well . Now am I wrong for wanting to just get a couple hours of sleep? Or was all this just a “doing too much” thing that didn’t even needed to happen? Cus he got proven wrong and didn’t want to say anything like his pride was hurt about being wrong.