I am so stressed and need to vent

I have never been this stressed in my life. I’m pregnant and I have an 18 month old baby. I’m a single mom and I work full-time and the bills are suffocating me. I’m behind on my rent and my car payment and my phone bill. I have no money. I’m just paying the gas in my car last me this whole week so I can get to work and day care. I just found out that the daycare subsidy that I am no longer eligible for the daycare subsidy that I have until the new baby comes. So for the next four months, I now have an added expense of almost $3000 that I did not expect. That is more than my rent and just almost what I make in a month. Please don’t tell me that I got myself in the situation because I know it. Please don’t tell me I shouldn’t be bringing kids into this world because I already feel that awful yield. I have been crying and shaking all night. I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do. I don’t have any family. I don’t have any support at all. I’m so worried and I feel like this stress is going to make me have a heart attack. I have gone to the Department of Social Services, but I make too much to get any of the resources they have there. Even though I only bring home a fraction of what I make, and it disappears immediately to bills. The daycare subsidy ending abruptly has meant that I haven’t made my rent for August and I’m not going to be able to pay for September. I’ve called every single Church. I’ve even humiliated myself and asked a friend for help. She couldn’t and I don’t blame her for it, but I’m just so embarrassed and so sad and so scared. And I wish I had a mom. Or someone who could just understand me without judging me. I know someone who lives with her parents rent free while she is saving up to buy a house. I’ve never had any pathetic kind of help in my life. I have just spent all my own. I feel so lonely. And so desperate. I have this crisis through my work insurance provides therapist and just work of downloading and figuring it out. Feels like too much even though I know I need therapy. I’m so exhausted. I don’t think anybody I know how awful it is for me right now whenever my son cries, I have this intense reaction and I feel like someone is driving a knife through my brain. He’s very whiny right now because he is teething and I love him so so so so so so much. And the crying it’s too much for me. I’m already so stressed and it sends me overboard. I don’t know how I am going to handle my life. I don’t see this ever getting easier. I feel so trapped. And so alone. I’m using voice to text while writing this and I don’t have the energy to look at it again so I’m sorry. Anyway, again please don’t tell me what I need to do. Or just text me for getting myself in this situation. I am hating myself and I can’t take it..

in our community

I don’t wanna keep my baby anymore 🤦🏽‍♀️ any advice ?

I am pregnant with his son I’m not happy all the time it’s draining !!! And he isn’t making it any better doesn’t consider me at all! He hasn’t slept in the bed or spent any time with me in a while he just plays his stupid game all the time and recently just started work! It’s just like if you feel like you need space so bad to that point why are you even here ????

Anyways he left because we had a small argument regarding the WiFi and I didn’t want him to pay for it I rather pay for it when I get paid. because if you can’t even spend time with me etc why should I make it able for you to play your game ? Idc if it sounds petty or not. I’m tired of being nice and a mf can’t even consider me at the end of the day! I want my son but I don’t want to struggle I already have a toddler and I’m not about to do it alone ! I’m over the relationship shit! Then says he doesn’t spend time with me etc because we argue … he literally does shit intentionally to piss me off and of course I’m going to react!!! I can’t stand when people play victim like they just never do anything wrong . Like you do plenty of things that pisses me off but I never not spend time with you!!! And act like u don’t exist! Like if you wanna be by yourself you can always leave no point of being in my house !

He was so quick to leave so it’s just seemed like he didn’t wanna be here anyway you already stopped doing certain things with me & only wanna be nice or consider me when you want me to do something for you.
Also he does have a history of trying to throw certain situations in my face that’s why I rejected him paying for the WiFi he really only wanted to pay for it because he wants to play his game anyways…

Am I the wrong one??

My husband and I are separating. Everytime we have a discussion he makes me feel like i’m in the wrong yet when I think about it all in my own I know that’s far from the truth so you tell me!

We’ve been together almost 6 years. He moved into my house I purchased prior to meeting him. He used to cook, do his own laundry, help clean the house, trim my trees and cut my grass, etc. He works 12 hour days most days and now doesn’t help out at all. While living in my home he expected me to work full time, split bills 50/50 and clean, cook, watch our daughter etc. yet he made and still makes 300k+ a year while I made 65k.

I sold my home and we are now in a rental. He expected me to cover rent with the money I made on the sale of the house. I covered half up until I went on maternity leave in April. Again, he makes over 300k and I make 65k. He bought nothing for our son, I bought everything (travel stroller, car seat, extra base, bassinet, crib, bottles, wagon for both kids, etc). He complains I never show affection yet he hasn’t complimented me in years, taken me out on a date, planned a vacation (i plan all of them), etc. He just told me that all I have going for me is being a good mom. That I don’t do anything at home. I do all of his laundry and everyone else’s, I clean as often as possible while handling a 3 year old and 4 month old plus two dogs, I ensure the dogs are handled anytime we visit his family (he refuses to visit mine), I handle all the appointments for the kids and for us, the only thing I admittedly fall short on is cooking dinner. Reason being is he doesn’t get home till 9pm most nights (without letting me know ahead of time), when I do cook he rarely eats it, and trying to cook while solo parenting isn’t an easy task so i’d rather make the kids dinner and i’ll live on girl dinner. Regardless he complains.

He takes days off work and doesn’t even attempt to spend time with our toddler. He hasn’t mowed the lawn in months (we received multiple violations from the town so I had to figure it out), i’ve had to take all the trash out cause he always forgets to. And to top all of this off, he’s an alcoholic. He has 4 empty cases of white claw surges in his truck, his armrest has empty shooters and cans in it, and there’s a brown bag full of more empty shooters and cans in the front seat.

Now, am I a bad wife for not showing affection and not cooking? Should I just do those two things?

am i overreacting for being a bit upset.. so weeks ago we all made plans as a friend group

[ these are my husband friends] we have a friend in town so we were gonna all go to this restaurant called the garage.. sure I don't want them to cancel but after discovering this is a bar 24/7 no babies allowed.. well it triggered slight depression because i was looking forward to this and unfortunately don't have anyone to watch my daughter on a week day since in laws work. The next day.. and now i just feel left out because my husband still agreed to go and now im just gonna be left at home. And i need to find something to do while he's gone so I'm not depressed.. just was hoping he could at least ask about a weekend gathering but our friend leaves Saturday. I just thought this man would think of his wife first instead of being like well I'm still going attitude then goes we can do something with everyone after.. my thoughts were like how everyone gonna be slightly drunk.. and full from food..

Feeding

I started off weaning by just doing lunch. I’m going to introduce breakfast now, do you do breakfast before milk? I’m going to do 2x food a day to start before doing 3x meals a day. Would you say it’s best to do breakfast and tea? Rather than breakfast and dinner? Thank you 💛

Advice would be helpful. Don’t have much people to talk too💔

My husband keeps bring up the conversation about me leaving my job and enjoy being with our kids home. I’ve had this job for seven years managing my own office but with it means I’ve had long hours, where I give my time up with family for the same pay. Get stressed out due to expectations because they continue to add things to our list when we only have two people in our office running it with 636 accounts. That’s not what drives my husband to push me out this is the part that made him tell me to walk away.
Last month I was having an evaluation on my office with my manager the one in charge of all our offices. As we had this meeting as encouragement he tells me “I didn’t deserve the small 25 cent increase i got two months ago for not hitting expectations” real quick I hit most of them but we had two bad months out of 12 months. He continues with “I gave it to you due to me being the lowest paid manager in my district.” Like what 😱😳 your telling me I come in early, stay late, give up Saturday time, stress myself out, ran not just one office by myself but three and turned them around and do everything all the other managers are doing and I’m doing it for less with no complaints and have the audacity to tell me I didn’t deserve it.
Now guys I have asked for a increase because at one point the person under me was getting paid the same as me yet I was told I would get a percent raise which was not even a whole dollar when I got then id have to continue to work for it. At this point I get my husband wanting me to walk away but I feel like it’s not as easy but I am ready.
I’m just not sure how to do it. Don’t get me wrong I know the two week notice in lol but idk something scares me about leaving. Maybe the uncertainties of it. Maybe actually walking away or how am I going to do it. I mean I have side hustles I use to make up my income I don’t get but idk. I’ve prayed I’ve seen signs yet I continue to stay. It’s like I’m in a toxic relationship but with my job. I want to leave I do with all the time I’ve put in I feel like I’ve missed moments with my kids. I just don’t know what I’m feeling.

8wk jabs

Baby boy had his 8wk jabs yesterday. We didn’t have the best night, he had a temperature and was hard to settle. I was up from 00:30-03:45 and then back awake at 04:30-5 and then 5:55 for a feed and he’s still not gone back down. But I have a 3yo who is now awake so I can’t even go back to sleep when baby does. & I can’t help but feel so angry that my hubby isn’t here to help and it’s all on me today on my own on such little sleep with a fussy 8 week old who just wants to be held and a 3yo! I then feel guilty as he’s only not here as he’s at work and obviously I appreciate all that he does for us and it must be hard for him going to work when I’m home on maternity, but I do just feel so crap. I just want to sleep :(