Feeling stuck
My husband and I have a pretty significant age gap, and lately I’ve been questioning whether we’re becoming disconnected because we’re simply in different places in life.
I’m currently pregnant with our second child. Going into this pregnancy, I honestly thought it would bring us closer together. Instead, I feel farther away from my husband than I ever have. Most days I feel more like we’re roommates, parents, and people managing a household together than husband and wife.
There isn’t one huge event that caused this. It’s more like a collection of things over time. We’ve had issues surrounding trust, boundaries with other women/social media, communication, and my own insecurities. But underneath all of that, I think my biggest fear is that my husband wants something more or different out of life that I simply cannot give him.
The problem is that I don’t actually know what that “something” is.
Sometimes I wonder if he even knows. Other times I wonder if he knows exactly what he wants but doesn’t have the communication skills to tell me. And then there are times when I wonder if I’m creating an explanation for his distance because I don’t understand it.
I don’t expect marriage to constantly feel romantic or exciting, especially while raising children and preparing for another baby. But I also don’t want to spend years feeling like I’m simply coexisting with my husband.
The age difference makes me question things even more. Are we experiencing normal marital disconnection during a demanding season, or are we discovering that we’re at fundamentally different stages of life and want different things?
I love him and I’m not looking for people to immediately tell me to get divorced. I’m trying to understand what can actually be repaired.
For people who have gone through a “roommate phase” in marriage: what helped you reconnect?
How do you get a spouse who isn’t a strong communicator to actually talk about what they’re missing or wanting?
And if you’ve been in an age-gap marriage, did the difference in life stages become more noticeable once children, responsibilities, and everyday life took over?
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
This is all normal. The word divorce shouldn’t even be said when you’re pregnant or in the first year post-partum because no marriage would survive it. It’s the biggest transition of your life and your hormones are all over the place. Don’t feed into those worries at all right now.
Also, if the issue is simply distance and fixating on the idea that maaaaaybe the other person isn’t happy, the solution is trying to bridge the gap by putting in extra effort and communicating more, not nagging, not whining but saying “you seem distant, are you feeling ok?”
Are you older or younger? My husband is 7 years older than me, and whilst not a massive gap, we got together when I was 19 so have been in very different stages of life over time and been through phases of disconnect x
What’s the age gap though
Trending
in our community
Husband omitted he was havibg drinks with Co workers after work
Hi guys! Just need advice. This has just been bugging and I have a weird feeling about what happened.
My husband usually tells me if he has lunch at work or some activities at work. But this time, he only said he'll be home late. He did not say he went out with co workers or anything relating to it.
When he got home, he usually talks about what happened at work etc. But last night he did not say anything.
So he did not eat a lot of dinner last night when he arrived. I asked him the next day. Why did he go home late last night. He just said he was drinking with his co workers. Then expanded nervously that his coworker is moving to a different job hence they went out.
There's so many things going on in my mind right now. And i feel a sick to stomach thinking I don't trust him anymore. Anything he will say will probably be a lie. I just can't do this. I feel like leaving him cause I just can't live with nit trusting my husband. The sad thing is I have 2 kids and i dont know what to do.
12
Daycare mama
I start work on Monday and my daughter will be in day care, they said I can call to check in anytime, does anyone else do this? I will probably be calling 3 times (around when baby should be done eating) or is that too much. Just an anxious mom here 🙃
1
11
My son who is 3, is going to forest school nursery & he’s never been away from us before! :(
I work 3 days per week and my mum/dad has him as they’re retired.
He starts reception in September 27, so I thought it would be good to get him used to being in a setting so enrolled him into nursery 5 days per week 9-12 (they wouldn’t let me do any less days due to there funding)
As I did want him to go just 3.
He keeps saying to me he doesn’t want to go as he doesn’t know anyone and he feels scared & it’s breaking my heart! But I’m scared if I don’t send him he’ll struggle going to reception as it’s a big change???
4
Prek potty train issue with teachers
My toddler has two teachers and one of them told me my girl has been holding in her pee,but at home she tells me she has to pee. She did just stsrt the prek, so am sure she is not comfortable yet,but i can't help,but to worry. I think they stress her with her potty training. At home I do every hour, or she does her wiggle dance and I ask her. She will shyly say yes. I don't stress walking to her potty and will ask her questions that help the process. She sometimes stay in her potty longer with me cause I tell her listen to ur body. She will listen to her body cause even when I say time up she will say no almost and would do pee or poo. She does not tell her teachers when she has to go potty. I was told they make her go every 30 minutes and one of the teachers am sorry use a really mean tone that I feel is making it harder for her to feel comfortable. The teacher told me to keep working with her,but am like she does great with me. She even tells her aunt when she has to use the potty so am like. Idk what to say. How should I approach this. My girl loves going to prek, I want to help my girl and how do I communicate it to her teacher?
1
5
My husband doesn't deserve my snaps 😞
I come away from looking back and feel bad about how I've spoken to my husband...it's a common occurrence. He is so accepting of my apologies always and when I do get crabby with him he is super calm and nice and doesn't respond negatively. I'm unsure how to go about things differently for him because I'm taking out my frustrations and anger and I know it's not fair:/
I say to myself most days he is not the enemy but nope, he appears and instantly I get all agitated with his presence 😕 I don't even know or understand why??
Can anyone relate?
This morning around 4:30 after nursing I was pretty stern with my boy and told him no more and offered his dummy and turned over - he complained and winged but I knew it was a comfort thing so again offered dummy and told him to settle - my husband said 'babe' as In stop being mean (I guess it does and did come across this way) I snapped and told him to shut up and said you wonder why I'm so miserable, because I don't get any sleep and he's been fed - you comfort him (he won't settle for just comfort with me, it has to be boob) then I got up.
3
Feeling stuck
My husband and I have a pretty significant age gap, and lately I’ve been questioning whether we’re becoming disconnected because we’re simply in different places in life.
I’m currently pregnant with our second child. Going into this pregnancy, I honestly thought it would bring us closer together. Instead, I feel farther away from my husband than I ever have. Most days I feel more like we’re roommates, parents, and people managing a household together than husband and wife.
There isn’t one huge event that caused this. It’s more like a collection of things over time. We’ve had issues surrounding trust, boundaries with other women/social media, communication, and my own insecurities. But underneath all of that, I think my biggest fear is that my husband wants something more or different out of life that I simply cannot give him.
The problem is that I don’t actually know what that “something” is.
Sometimes I wonder if he even knows. Other times I wonder if he knows exactly what he wants but doesn’t have the communication skills to tell me. And then there are times when I wonder if I’m creating an explanation for his distance because I don’t understand it.
I don’t expect marriage to constantly feel romantic or exciting, especially while raising children and preparing for another baby. But I also don’t want to spend years feeling like I’m simply coexisting with my husband.
The age difference makes me question things even more. Are we experiencing normal marital disconnection during a demanding season, or are we discovering that we’re at fundamentally different stages of life and want different things?
I love him and I’m not looking for people to immediately tell me to get divorced. I’m trying to understand what can actually be repaired.
For people who have gone through a “roommate phase” in marriage: what helped you reconnect?
How do you get a spouse who isn’t a strong communicator to actually talk about what they’re missing or wanting?
And if you’ve been in an age-gap marriage, did the difference in life stages become more noticeable once children, responsibilities, and everyday life took over?
1
3
Download the Peanut App
