What would you do?

I am having a really hard time with my husband. We have been together almost 18 years and we have a 7 year old and a 6 month old.

He has always enjoyed alcohol, but the last year or so he has struggled with anxiety and is using it as a coping mechanism, he drinks almost every day. He has had therapy but this hasn’t seemed to make much of a difference. I grew up with an alcoholic father who died when I was 10. I always wanted different for my children but right now it feels like history is repeating itself.

He went out at 10.30 yesterday morning and didn’t come back till midnight, when I confronted him he was drinking alone in the living room and he looked like he had taken cocaine (he denied this), the worst thing is I noticed he had driven home from wherever he had been. I told him he doesn’t care about me or his children and that I was done, he just looked through me and said he was tired and he didn’t no why I was having this conversation now.

I have well a truly had enough, me and my kids deserve better.
Only thing is I have no where else to go and without him I am not financially stable. If I ask him to leave he will just point blank refuse.

What do I do?

in our community

Bit of a rant

Is it just me who is a bit sick of having to ask for help?

I get that if you don’t ask people don’t know you need it but sometimes I just want someone to take care of me for a change, like take my baby and tell me to go nap or have a nice morning to myself.

I’ve became the default parent during the night. I woke my partner up to watch her for 5 mins while I did something after being awake for almost an hour, then once I was done he was just like okay I’m gonna go back to bed - is it too much to ask for someone to say, I’ll take over and you can get sleep? Then he doesn’t get why I’m annoyed now. I’ve become resentful that even when I get him up and he does take over it’s because I can no longer stay awake and it’s like I still have to ask for him to take over.
Editing to say he does do a lot during the day when he’s not at work but I feel like at night it’s different.

I climbed into bed without having food last night (ended off waking for it) because my body was telling me to, like I just get so exhausted sometimes and it feels like I am just not seen, like I just want someone to notice and do nice things for me.

Sorry for the rant but is anyone else feeling like this?

HELP

I love my son with my whole heart. He truly was a gift from God that I didn’t know I needed…..but, is it bad to say I kind of miss my life before him. I used to be happy everyday and have so many friends and have fun all the time and I miss living that and now I can’t ever do anything for myself, can’t ever get a break, can’t even take a shower without being told to hurry up, can’t get a babysitter to go out for a friends birthday bc it’s “called being a parent”. I guess I’m just jealous bc my whole life changed but my S/O’s seemed to have not at all…..

Food

As a FTM , what are we feeding our 6 month old babies , please drop some ideas

Coparent asking to use my bathroom

For background, we’ve not been on the best terms. This annoys me and I find it so odd and intrusive! My son’s dad drops him off at my house. They usually either come from his house, or from being out at a public place with bathrooms. Every so often, he will ask to use my bathroom. It makes me uncomfortable. We have a very small place with one bathroom, and I don’t want him in my space. Usually, I reluctantly say okay. But today I had just got out of the shower and the bathroom was not the neatest/cleanest. I said, the bathroom’s kind of messy. He reluctantly said, okay, like I’m a jerk. I’m just like, use your own bathroom, or use the bathroom at the public place you just came from!

Do you find it odd that my coparent asks to use my bathroom?

Am I being emotional?

My husband and I have always been very honest about boundaries, especially about not having close friends of the opposite sex because we both have been cheated on...

I noticed he is texting his best friends wife almost every day. And I mentioned it one day and said "thats a lot of paragraphs going out to another woman"

He said his ex got mad about him being friends with this woman so he stopped talking to her and it made them mad because he basically ghosted her. And in the end his ex was the one cheating not him. All I said was its just not a good look...I know they have all been friends a long time

I am 29 weeks pregnant so I know I may be emotional... but I want to know do you guys think its inappropriate for a married man to text a married woman every day? I dont think its sexual, but i feel like thats an emotional connection to another woman, especially since her husband (his best friend) is going through some depression and kind of checking out.

Meanwhile my husband is in the gym 6 days a week looking the best hes ever looked while im pregnant with our third baby just getting bigger and bigger every day.

The mental load - an exame

My partner is a great dad - does so much with the kids but I try to explain how organising everyone can get so oberwhelming (planning meals, organising the calendar , doctors, sizing up clothes etc, you know the kind of stuff).

He's always saying, give me stuff, I want you to feel less stressed.

So I ask hik to get the kids' feet measured at Clarks (cos he was going to town with them).

He got them measured. Eldest was same size. Youngest was a half size bigger (4.5-5) and was wearing a 4.

I asked, so what shoes did you get him.

He says 'well you didn't tell me to get shoes'.

I kid you not, the man had the audacity to say 'your instructions weren't clear enough'.

I'm sorry, did you not know your children need new clothes and shoes when they outgrow them ?

So we've went today to get shoes. Saving me zero time at all on that job.

I kmow this is a tiny example and sure, I didn't say get new. But, 2 weeks before I even asked, I knew he prob might need new shoes.

This mental gymnastics is what men don't seem to understand.

My piss boiled even more when he said 'we'll if I told you the tyre needed air in it, you wouldn't think to change the tyre would you?'
No sir, cause the car hasn't outgrown its tyre every few months 🙈🙈