I just need to vent!

I feel like I’m losing my mind I just accidentally broke my MILs washer and I feel like shit my fiance is at home with our son and I’m in our van just about to cry I don’t know why I just feel so overwhelmed and stressed and sad and I don’t know why, I just wanna cry I feel like a bad mom cuz my house is always a mess my fiance is always at work I’m trying to go back to school we have spiders in our home and I have arachnophobia and I’m just I don’t know. I’m sorry for rambling I just needed to get this out in general.

in our community

What to do

So my husband has lived in a different state since we married because of his work.
We have three children all under 7 (2 boys and a 6month of girl) I wanted to leave him a long time ago but my parents were against the divorce because we are catholics.
He doesn't help me to pay rent and bills because ''he said he also pays rent where he lives which is slightly higher than my rent''. I explained to him that I'm living in a bigger house than I normally would because of the kids. He only buys groceries twice a month and clothes for the kids (once a year) even though he is child free mostly and does a lot of overtime at work. I work full time (37.5hr per week) and have to sort childcare and school runs. I pay for childcare. He comes once a month and stays for a week. Sometimes once in two months.
He doesn't even acknowledge my struggles.
I'm ready to leave the marriage now before I return to work in a couple of months but I don't know what to do with the kids.
As he has had it easy all these years, I want to give him the boys and keep my little girl and they visit during the holidays or keep all the kids with me and apply for child support. But I would really struggle as I have no village.

Kid got trampled at trampoline park

Sorry for the dramatic title but that is sort of what happened. My 3.5yo and I went to chuck e cheese a few hours ago. They have a little kid obstacle course and 3 trampolines. She was chasing some slightly older girls (7-9 just guessing) and I didnt see specifically what happened but they were all on the same jumping square and then my kid was crawling away crying. She told me they "boing boing, boing on my knee!"

I wasn't super upset since they were all kids and accidents happen and I dont think it was intentional. However I know what her dad would say about it. He would confront the little girls. I decided to just leave, we had been there a while anyways.

But now I think about it and I wonder if I should have talked to the girls about it. Like try to be careful next time or something?

Just being a mother, how would/ have you handled a bully for your child?

Regardless if you have dealt with it or not, I’d like to hear from mothers all around.

Swimming question

Pretty embarrassing question, but when you were younger did you have swimming lessons to learn to swim or did family teach you?

I went swimming a lot with friends and had a few swimming lessons with school when I was 10, but I can’t actually ‘swim’ like as soon as I’m out of my depth I don’t know how to tread water and I’d definitely drown in the sea/if I was out of my depth.

Obviously having children now I want them to have lessons (they’re 4 and 1) but I definitely couldn’t teach them!

Opinions! Caretaker transparancy

I noticed last week that one of the puppet books in a series my son has wasn’t anywhere (we often read a few at night before dinner, plus I just have an eye for detail). I casually asked the woman watching my child (he’s <1 year) during the day if she had seen it around. She paused and then said that she had taken it the other day on the stroller walk because he gets fussy halfway into walk and paused for “storytime” in a parking lot to break up the walk, something I hadn’t been told but I guess new she did. She then said she noticed when they got back it wasn’t in stroller, that he either tossed it or it slid from bottom. She went back on roads that night after work to see if she could find it and couldn’t and allegedly “already ordered another one.”

My thing is I don’t care that the book was lost, but I do feel unsettled now that she didn’t tell me herself the day it happened, that she didn’t notice the book fell when they walk on neighborhood roads with cars, and that she likely wasn’t going to tell me and just replace it hoping I wouldn’t notice.

Things get lost, but if she’s hiding losing a small book, is she going to share bigger things that happen? She’s been watching him several months and there are some negatives and some positives with her care, ups/downs, and I just feel uneasy now when I was trying to be positive since I had previously disclosed that trust and transparency were most important things to me with someone else watching him. I work remotely and she’s shared so far when he’s bumped his head on something playing and such, so I thought she was trying to be open about their day. I also asked if maybe she should do a slightly shorter walk (30-35 min instead of 40 if he was getting fussy lately, but she said a hard no to that). Unbiased thoughts? Would you lose trust? Keep trying and disclose to her I feel uneasy she didn’t share this?

How do you cope??

I have 3 kids my youngest is 7. (So im out the baby stages) Im with my kids all day everyday. Im so tried of hearing these kids call my name or argue over any and everything. I have no village to step in when things get to be to much. I feel like I walk from room to room cleaning and telling them to stop. I just want 10-15 minutes to myself.

When you find yourself getting overwhelmed or out if touch,
How do you cope??