Is sex pleasurable or just a reproduction tool?
Hello girlies,
Growing up in an African set up,girls and boys were not allowed to mingle.At adolescence,we would be told not to come closer to boys or men because we would get pregnant. I was a virgin till university that's when I got a boyfriend.
Considering what l was told about sex while still young,l view sex a reproduction rather than a pleasurable experience.
I've been married for 5years, blessed with a 4yr baby boy.
My marriage is hitting the rock bottom since l don't even think about sex. L enjoy the foreplay but penetration is so scary for me since l fear having another baby.
I feel sex interferes with my personal space,my body by dumping dirt in/on me. There's a time we had some issues and went two sex less months,l enjoyed.
Kindly advice on how to reorganize my thought processes
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Counseling. It’s hard to break that mindset alone. Recovering from my own religious trauma around sex.
Sex should be about love, pleasure, fun and baby-making too if that is what you want. Sex is about you and your partner connecting on all kinds of levels. You should enjoy it as well, not just your partner :)
Counselling, and your partner needs to work on making the experience pleasurable for you. Many women struggle to reach orgasms because they are more complicated to please, and many men aren't taught how to pleasure women properly because of the taboo around sex. Read books. There's a lot of free fanfiction online that can be immensely helpful, believe it or not. A lot of fanfiction is written by women or for a female perspective, which makes it unique in presenting versions of male characters that women want to see.
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So ever since the first trimester I just haven’t been wanting sex at all- im 2 years post partum. I went through a horny stage in the second trimester but that didn’t last very long and for the past two years as well I’m just not fussed at all. I could go weeks if not months without sex, I’m not bothered. Obviously we do have sex every week but I never initiate it and I don’t particularly enjoy it when we do do it, I’m just there sort of forcing myself to do it. Does this mean I don’t love my partner anymore?? (I feel like I do and I am attracted to him and everything so it makes no sense). I’m so worried about it and so is he. I used to be a sex addict, I’d literally always be wanting it, even when I was single I always had sex with people on a regular basis because I loved it so much. I just can’t keep blaming it on post partum and I don’t have any more excuses for why I don’t want it but I just don’t. Nothing turns me on now, not even the things that used to before, I don’t even like my nipples being touched like I used to- still breastfeed but only mornings and evenings and not for very long so idk if that has something to do with that.
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Mamas, Am I overreacting?
I've been friends with these lovely ladies since our uni days. We used to meet up, go out, etc. Since finishing uni, getting married, and having my baby, we don't really talk much anymore, which is fair enough, we're all busy with life.
After I gave birth, I had my baby's naming ceremony a few months later. None of them could make it. One said it was too far, one had work, one didn't even open my message to see the invite, and another had travelled. Since having my baby, not one of them has come to visit me.
Now, 6 months into motherhood, they're suggesting we all meet up and go out. I honestly can't be bothered. Am I overreacting?
What also doesn't sit right with me is that no one has made the effort to come and see me, but now they want to meet halfway and bring my baby along? It almost feels like they want to see the baby now that it's convenient for them. That doesn't really sit well with me.
We have a group chat, and I haven't replied to the messages about meeting up yet. They want us to meet halfway since we all live in different places.
Would you:
- Not go at all?
- Go but leave the baby at home with my mum?
- Or just say I'm not comfortable bringing my baby out yet?
For context, she's exclusively breastfed. The only place I've really taken her is to one wedding with my husband. We haven't done trains or long trips yet, so I'm genuinely not comfortable with that either.
I think I'm feeling a bit hurt because none of them have made the effort to visit me during these past 6 months, especially when becoming a mum has been such a huge life change.
Am I doing too much, or would you feel a bit off too? I lowkey don’t want to go tbh , but would be nice just to go out!
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Is sex pleasurable or just a reproduction tool?
Hello girlies,
Growing up in an African set up,girls and boys were not allowed to mingle.At adolescence,we would be told not to come closer to boys or men because we would get pregnant. I was a virgin till university that's when I got a boyfriend.
Considering what l was told about sex while still young,l view sex a reproduction rather than a pleasurable experience.
I've been married for 5years, blessed with a 4yr baby boy.
My marriage is hitting the rock bottom since l don't even think about sex. L enjoy the foreplay but penetration is so scary for me since l fear having another baby.
I feel sex interferes with my personal space,my body by dumping dirt in/on me. There's a time we had some issues and went two sex less months,l enjoyed.
Kindly advice on how to reorganize my thought processes
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