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AITA

Anonymous post — looking for honest opinions because I’m not sure if I’m overthinking this friendship situation.

I recently had a baby, and I’m trying to figure out how to balance having a newborn with maintaining my friendships. One friend had been talking about potentially getting together this weekend.

A few days before bringing up the plans, he told me that he had a sore throat. He said he hadn’t gone to the doctor or gotten checked for anything, but that he had taken some pain medication and was feeling fine now. I understand that a sore throat can be something minor and I’m not saying he was definitely sick with anything contagious. But with my baby being a newborn and not having all of her shots yet, I’m naturally more cautious about illnesses and exposure.

Because of that, I was hesitant about the plans and said something along the lines of “if that’s alright.” I meant that more in the sense of making sure the plans worked for everyone, not that I needed permission to make decisions about my own baby.

He responded:

“You added ‘if that’s alright’ — that’s what I asked if it was for y’all & trust me, I’m fine lol.”

I wasn’t sure how to take that. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but the “trust me, I’m fine lol” sounded a little defensive or irritated to me.

I explained that my baby is still very young and doesn’t have all of her shots yet, so I don’t want to take unnecessary risks. I also explained that even my own mom recently didn’t come inside because she wasn’t feeling well. My mindset has basically been that if someone has recently been sick, I’d rather be cautious with my newborn than potentially regret it later.

Since then, I haven’t heard anything back.

The bigger issue for me is that this isn’t happening in a vacuum. This is someone I consider a close friend and someone who is supposed to have an important role in my baby’s life. Since having the baby, I’ve noticed that I’m usually the one initiating contact and sending pictures/checking in. I don’t necessarily expect someone to constantly ask about us, offer to help, or make everything about the baby. I know everyone has their own lives. But I guess I expected a little more effort and interest from someone I consider a close friend.

So now I’m questioning whether I’m being too sensitive because I’m newly postpartum, or whether my feelings are actually reasonable.

On one hand, I don’t want to make a big deal out of someone saying they’re feeling better. If he genuinely feels fine, maybe that’s all he meant.

On the other hand, if someone had a sore throat only a few days ago, didn’t get checked out, and is now wanting to be around a newborn, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for the parents to be cautious. And I don’t feel like I should have to defend that boundary.

Would you take his response as completely innocent, or does it sound dismissive/passive-aggressive to you?

And after I already explained myself and he hasn’t responded, would you reach out again, or would you leave it alone and let him make the next move?

I’m genuinely looking for unbiased opinions. If I’m overreacting, tell me. I just don’t want to ignore my instincts about my newborn or keep chasing a friendship where the effort doesn’t feel mutual.