Childcare dilemma

My little one will need 3 days of childcare when I return to work next year and we have already reserved her a nursery spot for these days. My mother in law has previously commented about wanting to have my daughter for 1 day per week but for various reasons I would prefer for my daughter to attend nursery for all 3 as currently planned, which is what I feel most comfortable with right now. My dilemma is the upset/ tension this would potentially cause and that my partner doesn’t seem to think it will be an issue and has not had this conversation with her. I can sense she is waiting for this but he feels otherwise.
I also can’t help but wonder if my reasonings are unreasonable or not for this decision.. or if they’re totally ok as I’m her Mum and I have to be comfortable with it. My partner is ambivalent on the decision and doesn’t mind either way. My reasons are…
1. I would like my daughter to have consistency in her week and not to be between my care, a relatives and then nursery (I’m aware many do this without issue)
2. I would like the flexibility of being able to drop off and pick up my daughter when I’m able to and early if i desire; it is also 5 minutes down the road rather than 25 minutes
3. My mother in law has been overly involved with my niece and tries to take over parenting (in my opinion) which I do not want to happen with us
4. I would not feel comfortable to challenge my mother in law if needed around the care she provided like I could with nursery
5. I don’t feel my mother in law is respectful of our parenting decisions and suspect she would go against these and seek to undermine them if looking after my daughter
6. I would rather my mother in law’s time with my daughter to be on a more informal basis; it will still be promoted, just around our lifestyle and what works for us

Has anybody made this decision for similar reasons?

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All absolutely fair reasons. My in laws have ours for 2 days a week and it’s lovely but we definitely struggle with number six, especially as we have no other ‘easy’ childcare options. Also number 3 can be a struggle. You could always tell a white lie that nursery have said you have to do three days to keep your spot 👀

All completely understandable and fair reasons!

My mum literally wouldn't leave me alone about this throughout my pregnancy, it was super stressful.

The way I kept putting it to her is that there is a reason that childcare PROFESSIONALS exist and are paid to do this. I think she had this idea in her head of looking after this cute little newborn and I kept trying to get her to see that the reality would be her running after a toddler all day. I could 100000000% see her regretting her decision pretty quickly but either being too proud to tell us or suddenly leaving us in the lerch because she couldn't physically or mentally do it anymore. I said I'd rather she came whenever on a social standing to see her granddaughter.

All of this said, as it's your husband's mum he should be the one having this conversation. But don't give in!

I am really struggling with my MIL sometimes . The way she raised her sons is crazy and their generation was so different. We have the similar situation like you , and we have decided to have our baby with her once a week.

I have some of my best child hood memories with my own grandma myself and she was crazy ( she got me and my brother to smoke a cigarettes when we’re 3 & 5 , so we would be so traumatised and never smoke again) and once she forced me to drink coffee to stay up until my parents came home because she didn’t want to be alone haha but I was close to my grandma and the very best memories of my childhood .

So I’ve decided to try to keep my worried a side and trust my daughters grand mother . And my daughter seem very happy to have days with her grandma

I have just learned to speak up when she goes against our wishes . Set clear boundaries is important. But for the children and cost of child care it’s very helpful ❤️

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