Starting nursery and husbands anxiety

My LO is 11 months old. We have always used huckleberry to track everything which is exhausting to me. However it has helped us over the last 11 months by using chatgpt to analyse the data, spot patterns and trends etc. Her sleep is absolutely amazing now.

My husband insists we continue to track everything until she goes to nursery.

He wants us to prepare a handover document detailing everything about her from her sleep, feeding, separation anxiety etc. Even down the the level that she sleeps at x time and what to do if naps dont go to plan. I feel this is quite patronising to the nursery staff... I get that they would want brief information on how she settles and roughly what time she sleeps etc but I feel he is going over the top...

Did anyone else do this?

Anyone who works in a nursery, what are your views on this?

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Theres no way of knowing whether your analysis and planning has contributed to her good sleep, or whether its down to her temperament. I would also not want to do this and think its patronising and I think writing a report would be a huge waste of time and will not help you to build a good relationship with the staff. Whilst it may be different if your daughter was going to a childminder or had a nanny, there is no way a nursery would be able to pay that much attention to your child to follow that plan. Nursery is likely to disrupt your little ones sleep and you just have to bear with it and wait for her to get used to things. Depending on the nursery, most have set times for sleep and put all the children down together. Due to staffing ratios its unlikely your daughtet will get much one-to-one focus when it comes to sleep. X

I had to fill in an “all about me” booklet, it was quite thorough with lots of questions. But realistically your daughter’s sleep is gonna change a lot with nursery whilst she learns to settle and it’s likely that her routine will change. My son normally has two decent naps, a morning nap and afternoon nap. At nursery he only managed one short nap yesterday and it was at 12:30 which is bang in the middle of his normal timings.
Unfortunately I think your husband could write the nursery a manual on your baby and it’s still not gonna happen 🙈

With respect, there is absolutely no point in this. My baby sleeps completely differently at nursery to how she sleeps at home. Completely different environments and people so whilst it may bring you both comfort to do a handover, its not likely to be an accurate representation of how it'll go x

They will ask the right questions anyway during settling sessions. He could go to them? You’ll likely have an app where the staff will put on food and naps and nappies. We used and loved Hucklberry but used him going to nursery as the moment to say goodbye and move on a bit as ultimately when they’re at nursery there’s not much you control anymore! X

in our community

Nursery

I feel really conflicted about putting my little one in nursery. I know she’s still so little and I’ve seen so many TikToks saying nursery can be damaging for children, especially when they’re babies, and it’s honestly made me feel really guilty and anxious about it.

The hardest part is that I don’t feel like I actually have a choice. I need to go back to work, so nursery is something we need to do, and that makes me feel awful because I worry that I’m putting my own needs before hers or that she’ll somehow be affected by being away from me at such a young age. I’m more worried about her secure attachment to me and don’t want to damage her mentally from being away from me.

I know logically that nursery isn’t automatically harmful and that lots of children go to nursery and grow up completely happy and healthy, but emotionally it’s hard to switch off that little voice telling me that I’m doing something wrong. I just want to know that she’ll be okay, that she won’t feel like I’ve abandoned her, and that going to nursery won’t damage her emotionally or neurologically.

I think I’m also grieving the fact that I can’t just keep her with me all day. If I had the choice, I’d probably keep her at home for longer, but financially I need to work. I just hope that the time we do have together — mornings, evenings, weekends, bedtime, all the little everyday things — is enough for her to know how loved and safe she is.

I think what I really need is reassurance that choosing nursery because I have to return to work doesn’t make me a bad mum or mean I’m harming my baby.

DAD TURNED IV MACHINE OFF

I am currently in the hospital with my 2.5 year old since yesterday as he’s had 100-103 degree temperatures. He’s dad came to meet us after he got off work and in the middle of the night turned my child’s IV machine off because it was “bothering (him)” and the noise kept waking him up. Not our son. HIM. This man decided the machine was annoying him and turned it off without permission from the nurses. And hes telling me that I’M DISGUSTING because I’m soaking up for my child? I’m fuming I’m in disbelief. We already have a complicated relationship but this sealed the fucking deal. He has zero intelligence, zero compassion, zero empathy, zero maturity skills. I fucking hate him!!!!!! This machine was giving my child the necessary fluids he needed to feel better and his dad’s entitled self absorbed ass turned it off because he couldn’t sleep!!!

Petty text to my husband written from baby's view because he can't be bothered to put the toilet seat down

Dear Daddy,

Mommy doesn't want to say anything because she knows you were very tired. Honestly, she was right though when she yelled that you are an ahole 5 minutes ago.
You know I like to make mommy sick and make her pee more so she knows I'm here. Mommy couldn't get out of bed but didn't want to wake you up. When she finally got out of bed 35 minutes ago she waddled and limped as fast as she could to the potty. She was so rushed she didn't turn on the bathroom lights.
She knew pee was coming so she flopped down.
She almost had me come out of her daddy! She screamed and it scared me which made all the pee come at once. Aren't I a good, helpful boy Daddy? She was peeing and that was okay, but her butt was stuck in the toilet bowl because you didn't put the seat down.
Mommy sounded like a dying cow trying to get unstuck and off the potty. She couldn't yell because you wouldn't wake up but sissy and buddy would. So Mommy called you a bad name when she finally got off the potty but fell. She says she's okay.
Mommy said you better teach me to put the seat down or all three boys are grounded forever. What's grounded?
Daddy, Mommy is very very tired and she has a bad boo boo now. Please take care of Mommy.

*I am okay. I just landed on my previously broken knee so I am going to be super sore today*

Pissed off

I am so angry right now. My husband has officially pissed me off to the point I want to scream at him. We never fight, we usually have great communication but since having our baby I feel like I don't know how to talk to him. He gets in a weird mood whenever I bring up certain things he's not doing, or things that need to get done around the house. I have our son 24/7 so it's hard for me to do much right now, but when I say I'll do everything once he's asleep my husband says "there my responsibility, I'll do it" ...ok then do it?? Idk how many times that exact thing has been said but it's pushing me to the edge. Now tonight finally broke me, I've been up all night with our son whose going through a sleep regression and he's finally down after a diaper change. I close my eyes and he starts pooping, great! My husband hears me and asks "do you want me to get that" (he never wakes up to him crying so it was a miracle he heard this) I finally said yes to him so I could try to sleep and he gets up in a huff and just stands by the bassinet so I ask if he needs my spot in the bed to change him and he goes "ugh I don't know I just need somewhere to get this done as quick as possible because I WORK in the morning" I lost my shit. I got up do fast and told him to never offer to help if he's just going to immediately be upset that I accept it. He knows how incredibly hard it is for me to accept help and to ask so for me to finally accept was big. Anyways I just got everything for the diaper change and did it myself and he's like "am I supposed to be happy and do a dance when I'm tired and have to change him??" ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? I wanted to scream, he doesn't wake up when he cries, he gets to do whatever he wants, he doesn't change his diapers, he doesn't change his clothes or do bath time. Like what the fuck are you on?? I'M EXHAUSTED, worn out, over stimulated and always on because I have to be there for my son. It just makes me overthink any time he's ever done anything now because this is the second time he's gotten upset when I accepted his help but ended up doing the thing myself anyways.

I'm angry and I don't know if I'll ever not be again.