Friendship

PLEASE someone tell me if im in the wrong.
So I got married had a baby and moved to a city 1 hr 30 mins from my friends and family. During pregnancy I had really bad anxiety I couldn’t leave the house much so I wasn’t seeing friends much as I would get anxious going on public transport and being away from home (it was a reallyl strange feeling as id never felt like this). On top of this I isolated a lot where I wouldn’t message/call people a lot. My family would constantly be in contact and maybe one friend would also try stay connected to me. Despite this I always felt connected to my friends . Anyways so after giving birth two friends visited one came with gifts. Now I’m more comfortable travelling to my hometown and then visiting other close friends.

So far my other friends have met my baby at 8 months. I initiated the meet up, no gifts, no questions about birth, pregnancy, motherhood etc. I can understand the no contact from my side made it seem like I didn’t want them coming over or knowing about my baby BUT I still feel horrible knowing no one was excited to see my baby. No one’s been asking about her or wanting to spoil her or asking to visit her. Basically talking to me like nothings changed in my life. None of my friends have children and I’ve been telling myself maybe they just don’t understand how much my daughter means to me and how much I’d love them being so interested in getting to know her.

Side note but did anyone else struggle to keep on top of messaging and FaceTiming friends ?

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first things first is if your friends don’t have kids they frankly won’t understand. i moved 1,000 miles away from my hometown no one has bothered to visit me but my childhood bestfriend my sister and my cousin everyone always says they will but never do. it happens you grow apart but what i would recommend is you make mommy friends in your area so you feel less lonely i know it can be hard especially when you feel like your friends have all disappeared but you got this

if they don’t have kids themselves; maybe they think it’s invasive to ask questions about the birth, and maybe they’re not “excited” to meet the baby because they didn’t get to connect with you during your pregnancy or when the baby was a newborn. i don’t think gifts should be expected either.

My philosophy is that if youre the one that moves away, youre the one who has to make the extra effort - i know you were pregnant which makes things soo hard. But also i have amazing friends who are all single and travelling and doing great things but they dont get it like my mum friends. My friends want to see me and baby but they are busy and have lives and dont quite get how quickly time goes when you have kids in a way like us mums do. I'd recommend connecting with mums near to you to build those relationships up again and have your older friends like special treats that pop into your lives as and when! Doesn't negate the sadness of lost friendship but life and people change x

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