Why do MILS / grandparents push boundaries

Needing to vent to some fellow moms who might understand.

On our very first night home with our newborn, our daughter had a rough time latching and cried most of the night. My husband and I were exhausted, overwhelmed, and just trying to figure things out. Instead of being helpful, both my mom and MIL completely panicked over the crying and added so much chaos that my husband ended up shutting the bedroom door on my mom just so we could breathe.

Ever since then, it feels like the focus shifted entirely to their hurt feelings. My mom cried because I didn't proactively offer to let her hold the baby while I was in the trenches of postpartum pain, and a month later, my MIL is still complaining about our boundaries (no kissing, waiting on visitors) with the whole "back in my day" speech.

I feel like those precious first days were stolen from us and turned into drama about them. We’re first-time parents just trying to keep our baby safe and adapt to this new life, but they seem determined to control the situation and guilt-trip us.

How do you all deal with grandparents who make your postpartum experience all about themselves?

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First of all: are you ok now?
It’s so overwhelming postpartum and not enough people talk about it. They just prepare you for birth etc. it’s hard and it can be such a rollercoaster of emotions. I wish looking back I had put my foot down more. This time round I am focusing on my family unit and being in that bubble.

Your baby is a newborn for 6-8 weeks. Precious time that flies by. My advice is to not worry about them and focus on your and your family unit. filling your own cup at this vulnerable time is ok! They have had their turn raising their babies. This is yours. You and your husband need to be on the same page and when the time is right, discuss how the grandparents are feeling. If you don’t establish boundaries now then you will struggle later. Speak from experience. You are both the parents and this is your baby.

So sorry it feels like they stole that precious time! If they want to spend time guilt tripping you then protect your peace and create a little distance x

I also deal with a similar situation. Here for you if you need a friend to vent !!

I'm sorry this was your first few days 😢 there is nothing worse when people over step the mark.
It sounds like you and your husband have set boundaries and your both a team, this is all that matters. This is your little family and youll do what you need to, to protect your baby and your wellbeing.
I would just keep doing what your doing, if they cant understand or respect your boundaries then that's their issue. They can keep their opinions to themselves.
Grandparents aren't meant to add to the already stress of having a newborn and finding your own routine.
Your doing a fab job, don't forget that 😊 xx

I had a rough 1st year similar with my mum. Feel like she ruined my precious 1st year and my first time mum experience. Reiterate what others have said, absolutely prioritise your peace and don't worry about their feelings. This time is about you and your little family, no one else.

Happy to chat if you need someone to talk to. Hope you are okay x

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