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I’ve given up being anonymous 😂

Hi mums, I’m really looking for some advice because I’m feeling angry and hurt.

I’m a first-time mum and my son is still very young. Over the past few months, things with my mother-in-law have become increasingly difficult. There have been hurtful comments towards me, criticism about my parenting, and issues with boundaries.

There was also an incident where my son was unwell and struggling with feeding. Instead of asking how he was or showing concern, we felt accused of lying or exaggerating the situation and keeping her away from him. That really hurt, especially as we were already worried and trying to do what was best for our baby.

My partner and I decided to take some space because the situation was affecting us as a family. I recently reached out to her myself because I genuinely wanted to try and talk things through calmly. I suggested meeting for a walk and having an honest conversation, but she ignored my message and instead called my partner while he was at work.

When he didn’t answer, she told him that if he didn’t answer, “this whole situation was going to get a whole lot worse” and that she had spoken to people who said she had a “high chance of winning.”

The thing that has really upset me is that she has previously told both me and my partner that she would take our son away from us. Hearing words like “winning” and “fighting for my grandson” has made me feel like my child is being used as a threat or a way to pressure us.

I completely understand that grandparents love their grandchildren and want to be involved, but I don’t believe a child should ever be used as leverage in adult disagreements. My partner and I just want a respectful relationship where boundaries are listened to.

At this point, I honestly feel like I don’t even want a relationship with her anymore. I feel like too much has been said and done, and I’m struggling to see how we move forward after feeling like my child has been used against us. Part of me feels like no contact is the only way I can protect my peace and focus on my little family.

Has anyone experienced anything similar with a family member? How did you handle it when someone brought your child into conflict or threatened to take them away? I’m just looking for advice and support because this has been really stressful.❤️

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Us as parents are all different and that’s because every person on earth should be unique. Parent your kids how you want and be who you are unapologetically. Your husband married you for a reason and had children with you for a reason. She sounds like a narcissist, and unfortunately sometimes the best way to deal with them is to not. My son’s father’s mother was a nightmare and basically kidnapped my son when I was breastfeeding and I had to fight in court, horrible situation. Don’t let her get the chance to make good on her threats. I hope this helps.

I have experienced something similar. When my twins were less than 3 months old, my MIL told us about her retirement plan. She wanted to move 15 minutes away from us. Possibly she wants a place in a better school district. She wants us then to move into her house and she wants to pick up and drop off my kids from school every day. It would be even better if we just sign our guardianship rights to her. It would be so much easier if she does what she wants without us parents worrying about the logistics.

The thing my therapist told me at the time. You do not need to let what she says get to you. For whatever reason (cultural, generational, logistical), treat this as her entitlement. All grandparents are entitled to some degree. Also know the courts will protect parental rights above anyone else’s rights to your children. So unless she actually summons you to court. She should not take a lot of space in your mind.

The final piece is to start setting boundaries and consequences.

I say go no contact, my mom pulled the same shit with me cuz she wanted me to leave my husband. We haven't spoke in months and honestly my life has been much happier and stress free without her in it.

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