Struggling with 2 under 2

So I have been in your shoes though also slightly different too. I had a 2y4mo and a newborn.

I don't have a neurodiverse child but can only imagine that it makes everything harder.

I am now 17, almost 18 months in and its been hard. I have become a shouty mum that I promised myself I would never be. I didnt have time to myself until probably my second eas around 14 months or so. I havent enjoyed my second as much as I enjoyed my first. But it does get better eventually. Its hard. And it seems like you are stuck and its endless but it does get better. I feel like I'm finally getting to the better bit.

I know your toddler cant verbalise but do you verbalise to toddler about baby. I used to use things like "baby is crying now because he needs his nappy changed, needs feeding, etc." I would also let baby lie in the bassinet and cry not for long but while I put toddler first and would say "baby its toddlers time a second. Once ive finished with toddler I will help you" it helped my daughter know that baby

Needed to wait sometimes too but also that baby needed help sometimes.

A few other ideas:

Do you think daughter my wear headphones to help lower the noise?

Could you put baby in a bedroom with a monitor to sleep and spend time with toddler for a bit?

Have you got books about siblings to read?

Would she help getting you nappies or anything to help her feel involved?

Know that you might be doing some or none of these already so just ideas and also get that may not work with a nuerodiverse child. Hope they give you some ideas or help though.

Just know you arent a bad mum and arent failing them. I get that feeling. I have felt like that a lot these last 18 months and still do sometimes. X

Hiya, been there hun. We have a 4yr old non-verbal SEN son and 7month (nearly 8month) old daughter. Our son became really dysregulated when I was pregnant, clearly could sense the baby. 🤯 When she arrived he was so jealous and needy, always wanting attention, which he never did before. He would have meltdowns when we fed her and start demanding we put her down etc. He didnt want to be near her. All I can say is that it gets easier. He will now sit with her, hold her hand and push her pram. He knows now that when she is in our arms, it means we arent available. He still tries to push her out our arms on occasion if he wants something and we're not available but theres no meltdowns, he is just trying his luck and is easily redirected. It just takes time for them to adjust. You're doing your best, its not easy but it will get better. ❤️