Postpartum Stories 💐

I struggled really bad trying to take care of her because my body decided to go life support an I went paralyzed at the same time I had a great support system the sad part is it I physically cannot take care of her and it really gets me emotionally so my anxiety and my depression is really bad and with everything that happened I think God I am still alive

I’ve never had a suicidal ideation in my life but I often just thought “what if I I just hurl myself down the steps neck first? Worst case scenario: I die. Best case scenario: I get some rest during an extended hospital stay.” It was fleeting and I knew it was an irrational, invasive thought. I recognized it. But the impulse remained.

The day I was cleared to drive again I thought about just driving away and not coming back. Just leaving him with my partner and going away and starting over

I have to caveat this with the fact I had a great birth, felt really great straight after it AND my partner had 4 weeks off so was there with me. I totally realise your situation with these things completely changes how you feel/respond etc.
But I remember being very teary from happiness regularly. I also once got the song Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton stuck in my head (a song about his young son dying) and bawled my eyes out not even listening to it, just singing it in my head 😅
6 months postpartum hit me the hardest strangely enough. But those first 4 weeks with my new little family at home were the best 4 weeks of my life and I'm so excited to do it all again

The way my older brother checked in on me, ill never forget it. I was shocked but he was there. I was 30 he was 35 xx

My brother in law took his own life in 2016 and he had it ALL going for him… amazing career, cars, a home, a fiance, great family etc and I NEVER understood it and secretly judged him for causing my husband and the rest of their family soo much pain.

Fast forward to my second trimester and I developed the WORST anxiety and depression known to MANKIND. It was BAD. There were days that I just needed all the noise to stop and just couldn’t deal with the overthinking, constant fear and mood swings anymore. For the first time in my life, I also experienced suicidal ideations. The real me would never even think of something like that, but this sick me just had a mind of her own and needed the relentless thoughts and feelings to stop.

My baby is now 4 months old and I’m in a MUCH better place, but my outlook on my brother in law has completely changed and I have a new empathy for people who take their lives. It’s not that they’re selfish and give up, they just want the noise to stop x

I think one thing I struggled with is how many people who I thought would help or support didn’t and was more preoccupied with holding the baby. Then when the baby cried they would rather give the baby a feed or stop me from giving the baby a bottle because it was 2 hours since last feed. Friends start to dwindle once past the newborn cute stage for photos. Motherhood can be very lonely and all the changes to hormones and the body you feel not yourself. The good bits are the little milestones the baby has, skin on skin and just all the snuggles. X