Need advice

Hi,

I hope you're all well.

I'm looking for soma advice if anyone has been in the same situation.

My little one is 3 months old, my partner has just started a new night shift job to try support me more ( hasn't worked out yet as he's sleeping all day because he's tired) and has reconnected with some old friends. He's told me that they take cocaine all the time, even at work. This weekend he had gone out with them, I'd asked him about the cocaine and he had said he's not doing it, even got defensive and mad telling me to leave it.

After checking his phone he did get some, and even went to get more spending Β£110. I'm really upset with the fact he's lied to me, I'd been at my mum's over the weekend so today he collected me, I'd tried to talk about it and tell him I know what he's done and I'm not happy about it, he's lied to me and hurt me. He just gets defensive and dismissive and turns it round on me that I've been on his back about the job, sleeping all day, I'm checking his phone ( I literally checked one chat to confirm my suspicions) and I've been at my mum's slagging him off. It just turns into an argument and he doesn't listen to what I have to say. I really don't know what to do, I feel so resentful towards him and feel as though I cannot continue the relationship anymore but I love him so much.

He struggles with an addictive personality and smokes weed daily, even had begun trying to lie about it so I'm worried this will turn into another addicion.

Just the fact that this is the only time we have together now and he would rather go out and do this than spend time as a family has also really hurt me.

I'm not sure how to go about this.

Any advice?
Thank you

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.
Add a comment
Avatar

Hi hun! I am sorry you're going through this.

Being lied to is always hurtful. Resentment will continue to grow, if left ignored. This is a tricky situation and I know that you'll find the right thing to do.

If I was placed in your situation, I would file for sole custody. I would work with the court system to encourage him to get some help before being able to see the baby. Your baby is the most important person you need to protect. I personally have a no drug acceptance policy.

Avatar

𝕀𝕀 𝕙𝕖 π•¨π• π•£π•œπ•šπ•Ÿπ•˜ π• π•Ÿ π•™π•–π•’π•π•šπ•Ÿπ•˜ π•—π•£π• π•ž π•™π•šπ•€ 𝕨𝕖𝕖𝕕 π•’π••π••π•šπ•”π•₯π•šπ• π•Ÿ? 𝕀𝕗 𝕀𝕠, 𝕀 𝕨𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 π•₯𝕣π•ͺ π•₯𝕠 π•˜π•šπ•§π•– π•™π•šπ•ž 𝕒 π•”π•™π•’π•Ÿπ•”π•– π•₯𝕠 𝕕𝕠 π•₯𝕙𝕒π•₯ π•’π•Ÿπ•• π•₯𝕣𝕦𝕀π•₯ 𝕙𝕖 π•¨π•šπ•π• π•₯𝕣π•ͺ π•₯𝕠 π•’π•§π• π•šπ•• π•’π•Ÿπ• π•₯𝕙𝕖𝕣 π•’π••π••π•šπ•”π•₯π•šπ• π•Ÿ π•’π•Ÿπ•• 𝕓𝕖 𝕀𝕒𝕗𝕖 π•¨π•šπ•₯𝕙 π•šπ•₯.

π”Έπ•‘π• π•π• π•˜π•šπ•«π•– 𝕗𝕠𝕣 π•π• π• π•œπ•šπ•Ÿπ•˜ π•₯π•™π•£π• π•¦π•˜π•™ π•™π•šπ•€ π•‘π•™π• π•Ÿπ•–, π•’π•€π•œ π•™π•šπ•ž π•₯𝕠 𝕓𝕖 π•™π• π•Ÿπ•–π•€π•₯ 𝕒𝕓𝕠𝕦π•₯ π•šπ•₯ π•Ÿπ•–π•©π•₯ π•₯π•šπ•žπ•– 𝕀𝕠 π•ͺ𝕠𝕦 π••π• π•Ÿ'π•₯ 𝕗𝕖𝕖𝕝 π•π•šπ•œπ•– π•ͺ𝕠𝕦 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 π•₯𝕠, π•’π•Ÿπ•• π•₯𝕖𝕝𝕝 π•™π•šπ•ž π•ͺ𝕠𝕦'𝕝𝕝 π•₯𝕣π•ͺ π•₯𝕠 π•₯𝕣𝕦𝕀π•₯ π•™π•šπ•ž π•₯𝕠 𝕕𝕠 𝕀𝕠 𝕒𝕀 π•π• π•Ÿπ•˜ 𝕒𝕀 𝕙𝕖 π•‘π•£π• π•žπ•šπ•€π•–π•€ π•₯𝕠 𝕓𝕖 𝕔𝕒𝕣𝕖𝕗𝕦𝕝 π•₯𝕠 π•’π•§π• π•šπ•• π•’π•Ÿπ• π•₯𝕙𝕖𝕣 π•’π••π••π•šπ•”π•₯π•šπ• π•Ÿ.

𝕀𝕗 𝕙𝕖'𝕀 π•Ÿπ• π•₯ π•¨π• π•£π•œπ•šπ•Ÿπ•˜ π• π•Ÿ π•™π•šπ•€ π•’π••π••π•šπ•”π•₯π•šπ• π•Ÿ 𝕙𝕠𝕨𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣, π•ͺ𝕠𝕦 𝕑𝕣𝕠𝕓𝕒𝕓𝕝π•ͺ π••π• π•Ÿ'π•₯ π•¨π•’π•Ÿπ•₯ π•₯𝕙𝕒π•₯ π•’π•£π• π•¦π•Ÿπ•• π•ͺ𝕠𝕦𝕣 π•œπ•šπ•• π•’π•Ÿπ•• 𝕀 𝕨𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 π•—π•šπ•π•– 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕀𝕠𝕝𝕖 𝕔𝕦𝕀π•₯𝕠𝕕π•ͺ

Read more on Peanut

Trending

in our community

No village , what do we do ?

My husband and I moved from Florida to Minnesota in Dec 2023. We had been trying for years for a LO and just left it to fate. If we were meant to have one , it’ll happen. Well it did , one year exactly after moving here. She’s 14 months now and the sunshine of our lives. The thing is we are alone here , we have our best friends but they are DINKS. So they aren’t too sure what to do or say to help us. What did you do ladies to build up a foundation ? It’s so hard breaking into these groups that have grown up together and making new friendships as an adult feels impossible. It has really made my husband pause and think should we actually try for a second baby? I would love another child , but he’s worried about us being here alone. I don’t want that fear to stop us from adding another best friend to our family. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated. A picture of our sunshine β˜€οΈ

Avatar

5

13

is this bad

i don’t really talk to my kids my kids are 4 2 and 1 i don’t even talk to them like often i don’t even know how i don’t know if part of it is that i have social anxiety no friends and introverted i just have nothing to say and idk what to talk to them about lol is that just me or something i notice when they go to my moms house she talks to them constantly and plays games with them like something out an episode of bluey😭i just don’t have it in me to do all that and i would never make anything like that up

Avatar

3

18

Need advice

Hi,

I hope you're all well.

I'm looking for soma advice if anyone has been in the same situation.

My little one is 3 months old, my partner has just started a new night shift job to try support me more ( hasn't worked out yet as he's sleeping all day because he's tired) and has reconnected with some old friends. He's told me that they take cocaine all the time, even at work. This weekend he had gone out with them, I'd asked him about the cocaine and he had said he's not doing it, even got defensive and mad telling me to leave it.

After checking his phone he did get some, and even went to get more spending Β£110. I'm really upset with the fact he's lied to me, I'd been at my mum's over the weekend so today he collected me, I'd tried to talk about it and tell him I know what he's done and I'm not happy about it, he's lied to me and hurt me. He just gets defensive and dismissive and turns it round on me that I've been on his back about the job, sleeping all day, I'm checking his phone ( I literally checked one chat to confirm my suspicions) and I've been at my mum's slagging him off. It just turns into an argument and he doesn't listen to what I have to say. I really don't know what to do, I feel so resentful towards him and feel as though I cannot continue the relationship anymore but I love him so much.

He struggles with an addictive personality and smokes weed daily, even had begun trying to lie about it so I'm worried this will turn into another addicion.

Just the fact that this is the only time we have together now and he would rather go out and do this than spend time as a family has also really hurt me.

I'm not sure how to go about this.

Any advice?
Thank you

Avatar

5

Husband too conservative?

Hi, this is a strange post but I was wondering how open your partners are. My partner (before we married) was always quite conservative and shy in that he didn’t always want to open up on stuff. I understood this because of the way his childhood was.

Now, we’re older, married and have a little boy and sometimes he can still be weird in that he doesn’t always want to share whereas I am very open telling stories to every tiny detail.

Now, we’ve been just been a trip for a few days separately but in a similar area. Him to see friends and me to see family with the little one. We got back today and suddenly at dinner he asked if I could drop our son to the childminder tomorrow. Now, usually he drops him off and picks him up as it is somewhat on his way to work (less than a 10 minute detour). They leave the house at 7am and I start work at 9am but do house jobs before I start. Now, if I were to drop him to the childminder I would loose an hour of getting jobs done I would then have to do tomorrow evening.

When asked why he needs me to drop him off he replied β€œnone of your business” (something he says every now and then to certain questions). I then said no and we didn’t really discuss it further. Then right before bed, he said in a joking way β€œthank you for dropping him off tomorrow” and I replied no, I’m not doing it. I then tried asking again why he needs me to do it and he just won’t tell me.

I said, if you refuse to tell me then I refuse to take him. I said if he were to tell me why then I could reconsider but if not then why should I loose an hour of my time when he is going that way anyway.

He then got grumpy/annoyed and didn’t want to talk so I went to sleep in the other room. Obviously now typing this!

Any advice or insight into other husbands and how open they are? I must say it does bother me

Avatar

8

please tell me it gets easier

i have a 2years and 4months old, and a 9 week old. My partner works shifts, this week he’s been on late lates so i’ve been doing basically everything myself as he’s not home until 10pm-1am. I’m loosing my mind. I’m completely alone; loosing my rag at my toddler and i can’t bear holding the baby while he screams at me. They are both incredibly low-sleep-needs-children and I cannot bear having so little time to myself. I’ve not brushed my teeth for about four days. Not showered in a week. The only time I get to myself I genuinely just scare at the ceiling and disassociate. I hate every part of this phase and if i hear β€œyou’ll miss it one day” i think i’ll actually bounce my head off a wall. I’m not enjoying it at all, i don’t feel like a good mother and im barely getting through the days. if i had anyone around that i could call so i could just leave for a few hours i would but theres no one around me.


If you have two babies, please tell me it gets easier, will it be when the boys can start interacting more, or playing together? I don’t know how long I can be in this tug of war of them both needing me constantly and i feel like a complete fucking failure. I’m at a point where I just don’t want to do this anymore. Is that normal or am i a really really shit vile mom?

Avatar

3

Cereal in baby’s milk?

When are you guys adding cereal to baby’s milk??? My baby is 3 weeks old my mom and Aunt suggest starting the cereal just a little, but I don’t know how to feel about it. He’s eating almost 4 ounces every 3 to five hours and an ounce every 1 to 2 hours depending on how he’s feeling. I do not schedule feed I feed when he’s hungry and I go off of his cues. I can usually tell he’s hungry if he’s fussy and when he takes his Binky aggressively. not sure how to feel about the cereal or if I should try it and see how it goes.

Avatar

9

Read more on Peanut