Hi,
I hope you're all well.
I'm looking for soma advice if anyone has been in the same situation.
My little one is 3 months old, my partner has just started a new night shift job to try support me more ( hasn't worked out yet as he's sleeping all day because he's tired) and has reconnected with some old friends. He's told me that they take cocaine all the time, even at work. This weekend he had gone out with them, I'd asked him about the cocaine and he had said he's not doing it, even got defensive and mad telling me to leave it.
After checking his phone he did get some, and even went to get more spending Β£110. I'm really upset with the fact he's lied to me, I'd been at my mum's over the weekend so today he collected me, I'd tried to talk about it and tell him I know what he's done and I'm not happy about it, he's lied to me and hurt me. He just gets defensive and dismissive and turns it round on me that I've been on his back about the job, sleeping all day, I'm checking his phone ( I literally checked one chat to confirm my suspicions) and I've been at my mum's slagging him off. It just turns into an argument and he doesn't listen to what I have to say. I really don't know what to do, I feel so resentful towards him and feel as though I cannot continue the relationship anymore but I love him so much.
He struggles with an addictive personality and smokes weed daily, even had begun trying to lie about it so I'm worried this will turn into another addicion.
Just the fact that this is the only time we have together now and he would rather go out and do this than spend time as a family has also really hurt me.
I'm not sure how to go about this.
Any advice?
Thank you
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Hi hun! I am sorry you're going through this.
Being lied to is always hurtful. Resentment will continue to grow, if left ignored. This is a tricky situation and I know that you'll find the right thing to do.
If I was placed in your situation, I would file for sole custody. I would work with the court system to encourage him to get some help before being able to see the baby. Your baby is the most important person you need to protect. I personally have a no drug acceptance policy.

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My husband and I moved from Florida to Minnesota in Dec 2023. We had been trying for years for a LO and just left it to fate. If we were meant to have one , itβll happen. Well it did , one year exactly after moving here. Sheβs 14 months now and the sunshine of our lives. The thing is we are alone here , we have our best friends but they are DINKS. So they arenβt too sure what to do or say to help us. What did you do ladies to build up a foundation ? Itβs so hard breaking into these groups that have grown up together and making new friendships as an adult feels impossible. It has really made my husband pause and think should we actually try for a second baby? I would love another child , but heβs worried about us being here alone. I donβt want that fear to stop us from adding another best friend to our family. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated. A picture of our sunshine βοΈ

5
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i donβt really talk to my kids my kids are 4 2 and 1 i donβt even talk to them like often i donβt even know how i donβt know if part of it is that i have social anxiety no friends and introverted i just have nothing to say and idk what to talk to them about lol is that just me or something i notice when they go to my moms house she talks to them constantly and plays games with them like something out an episode of blueyπi just donβt have it in me to do all that and i would never make anything like that up
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Hi,
I hope you're all well.
I'm looking for soma advice if anyone has been in the same situation.
My little one is 3 months old, my partner has just started a new night shift job to try support me more ( hasn't worked out yet as he's sleeping all day because he's tired) and has reconnected with some old friends. He's told me that they take cocaine all the time, even at work. This weekend he had gone out with them, I'd asked him about the cocaine and he had said he's not doing it, even got defensive and mad telling me to leave it.
After checking his phone he did get some, and even went to get more spending Β£110. I'm really upset with the fact he's lied to me, I'd been at my mum's over the weekend so today he collected me, I'd tried to talk about it and tell him I know what he's done and I'm not happy about it, he's lied to me and hurt me. He just gets defensive and dismissive and turns it round on me that I've been on his back about the job, sleeping all day, I'm checking his phone ( I literally checked one chat to confirm my suspicions) and I've been at my mum's slagging him off. It just turns into an argument and he doesn't listen to what I have to say. I really don't know what to do, I feel so resentful towards him and feel as though I cannot continue the relationship anymore but I love him so much.
He struggles with an addictive personality and smokes weed daily, even had begun trying to lie about it so I'm worried this will turn into another addicion.
Just the fact that this is the only time we have together now and he would rather go out and do this than spend time as a family has also really hurt me.
I'm not sure how to go about this.
Any advice?
Thank you

5
Hi, this is a strange post but I was wondering how open your partners are. My partner (before we married) was always quite conservative and shy in that he didnβt always want to open up on stuff. I understood this because of the way his childhood was.
Now, weβre older, married and have a little boy and sometimes he can still be weird in that he doesnβt always want to share whereas I am very open telling stories to every tiny detail.
Now, weβve been just been a trip for a few days separately but in a similar area. Him to see friends and me to see family with the little one. We got back today and suddenly at dinner he asked if I could drop our son to the childminder tomorrow. Now, usually he drops him off and picks him up as it is somewhat on his way to work (less than a 10 minute detour). They leave the house at 7am and I start work at 9am but do house jobs before I start. Now, if I were to drop him to the childminder I would loose an hour of getting jobs done I would then have to do tomorrow evening.
When asked why he needs me to drop him off he replied βnone of your businessβ (something he says every now and then to certain questions). I then said no and we didnβt really discuss it further. Then right before bed, he said in a joking way βthank you for dropping him off tomorrowβ and I replied no, Iβm not doing it. I then tried asking again why he needs me to do it and he just wonβt tell me.
I said, if you refuse to tell me then I refuse to take him. I said if he were to tell me why then I could reconsider but if not then why should I loose an hour of my time when he is going that way anyway.
He then got grumpy/annoyed and didnβt want to talk so I went to sleep in the other room. Obviously now typing this!
Any advice or insight into other husbands and how open they are? I must say it does bother me
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i have a 2years and 4months old, and a 9 week old. My partner works shifts, this week heβs been on late lates so iβve been doing basically everything myself as heβs not home until 10pm-1am. Iβm loosing my mind. Iβm completely alone; loosing my rag at my toddler and i canβt bear holding the baby while he screams at me. They are both incredibly low-sleep-needs-children and I cannot bear having so little time to myself. Iβve not brushed my teeth for about four days. Not showered in a week. The only time I get to myself I genuinely just scare at the ceiling and disassociate. I hate every part of this phase and if i hear βyouβll miss it one dayβ i think iβll actually bounce my head off a wall. Iβm not enjoying it at all, i donβt feel like a good mother and im barely getting through the days. if i had anyone around that i could call so i could just leave for a few hours i would but theres no one around me.
If you have two babies, please tell me it gets easier, will it be when the boys can start interacting more, or playing together? I donβt know how long I can be in this tug of war of them both needing me constantly and i feel like a complete fucking failure. Iβm at a point where I just donβt want to do this anymore. Is that normal or am i a really really shit vile mom?
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When are you guys adding cereal to babyβs milk??? My baby is 3 weeks old my mom and Aunt suggest starting the cereal just a little, but I donβt know how to feel about it. Heβs eating almost 4 ounces every 3 to five hours and an ounce every 1 to 2 hours depending on how heβs feeling. I do not schedule feed I feed when heβs hungry and I go off of his cues. I can usually tell heβs hungry if heβs fussy and when he takes his Binky aggressively. not sure how to feel about the cereal or if I should try it and see how it goes.
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