Jack and the beanstaclk

17 months old and pantomime, good or bad?

in our community

Sending child to nursery while you’re at home..

What is everyone’s opinion on this?
For the record, I work 7.30-4.30 Monday to Thursday and my 11 month old goes to nursery 2 days a week on the 30 free childcare hours.
I’ve been thinking of asking my nursery if I can put my baby in on a Friday, even if it’s just for half a day. I’m so shattered and the house is a tip. She’s never been the happiest baby either from birth and I feel like I’m running on so little fumes now, it would be nice to have a couple of hours to myself to sort the house/ batch cook dinners etc but I feel like doing this massive awful thing by doing this. She’s just never happy and cries majority of the day and I think I just need a little break every now and again to keep my sanity…

How do you split task with partner when EBF?

I’m looking for some perspective because I’m starting to feel that I’m mad and I’m not sure whether I’m being unreasonable.

My husband works 9-5 and Mon to Thu, has around 1h commuting each way. I completely understand that he is tired when he gets home and needs some time to decompress. I’m not expecting him to come through the door and immediately take over everything. However, I’m struggling with the fact that I don’t feel like my need for rest is being considered in the same way.

I’m currently EBF, so I understand that there are things he genuinely can’t do, particularly overnight. But during the day I’m with the baby constantly and then when he comes home, I’m still doing what I’ve been doing all day. He’ll often play with the baby while I have a shower or do something around the house, which I appreciate, but sometimes it feels like he sees this as “helping me” rather than simply being a parent. Then the night shift starts again for me because I am EBF and I haven’t rested all day. Also, he sleeps in the guest room, which is great, but if he’s slept all night uninterrupted he should feel rested.

The weekends are where I struggle most. He seems to feel that playing with the baby is his main contribution, while I end up using that time to clean, do laundry, tidy, cook, etc. It can feel as though he gets to spend his free time playing with our baby while I’m still responsible for making sure the house functions.

If he plays with the baby while I clean the house, he isn’t really “giving me a break” because I’m still working. I’m just doing a different type of work. Likewise, I don’t want to feel like I should be grateful that he is looking after his own baby while I get on with the chores.

I also don’t expect the house to be spotless or for everything to be perfectly divided 50/50. I know that with a baby, things are different and that his job and commute take a lot out of him. But I feel like there needs to be some recognition that I also need time when I am genuinely off duty.

At the moment, it feels like his working day finishes and eventually he gets some time to rest, whereas my “working day” doesn’t really finish. I’m with the baby all day, then I’m doing things around the house, then I’m breastfeeding through the night, and the next morning it starts again.

Before we had the baby, I didn’t feel like I’m looking for some perspective because I’m starting to feel quite resentful and I’m not sure whether I’m being unreasonable.

I’m beginning to feel like I’m on a 24h rota between the baby and the house, and honestly, I’m starting to feel more like a housekeeper and primary caregiver than an equal partner.

I don’t want to resent him, because I know he works hard and I know he loves our baby. I also don’t want to minimise the fact that his commute is exhausting. But I need him to understand that I am exhausted too, just in a different way.

How do other couples divide things when one parent is exclusively breastfeeding and the other is working full-time? What does a fair division actually look like?? Please help

Angry rant about not working

My husband has a chance to get me into his job. I’m a SAHM to a 2 year old girl currently, and while I love it, I also love working. The problem is, it’s Monday-Saturday from 7-6, but the drive is another 3 hours. So we’d wake up at 5, drive an hour and a half to drop her off at daycare around 6:30, then work for 11 hours, pick her back up before 6:30, then be home by 8. I was so excited until I realized that’s insane, I can’t even spend time with my daughter that way, at all. Currently she goes to sleep at 10 pm, wakes up at 10 am. We’d have to wreck her schedule, and even then, she wouldn’t be getting enough sleep, let alone dinner, bath, and time with us. I don’t think it’s worth it, and I’m upset I noticed this a few days into talking about me getting a job with him. He said it’ll be embarrassing to tell his coworkers that I decided not to take the job, and I get that, but I’m also angry. He knew this wouldn’t work. He’s done stuff like this a few times, saying I can get a job but then saying I’d have to make enough to pay all the bills so he can quit because “one of us needs to be with her at all times.” I’m definitely not taking this job, because it’d hurt our daughter. But it’s so frustrating, we talked about me getting a job so much and it’s like he says it to please me and then rips it away. Some might think I’m a bad mom for wanting to work instead of being with her all day, but it just helps me keep my mind straight and gives me energy. I hate feeling like I’m just a mom (there’s nothing wrong with just being a mom, just my personal preference) and he’s known how I felt about this for years, before I even got pregnant. I’d be content with a job that would just cover daycare and gas, and he’s been against it ever since she was born. I feel like I’m going crazy, because even while I was pregnant he would always say that he didn’t mind me working something like that, but it changed so fast. Am I crazy? Who knows.

What do you do when your spouse makes you mad?

When your spouse pisses you off what do you do? Don't just tell me the healthy thing. I want to know the truth. For example if your husband or wife is frustrated and they say something hella rude to you.

Feel completely trapped by breastfeeding

Its 1.30pm and all I have managed to do today is a quick shower and eat some toast. I havent been able to dry my hair, eat lunch, get dressed properly. I am so tired. Baby sleeps awful at night. Been feeding baby on and off for 2 hours. Every time they fall asleep I put them down and they wake within 2 mins. Even tried safe cosleeping as everyone swears by it, so I could at least sleep for a while, nope, he wakes within 5-7 mins just as I am starting to relax. We already do 1-2 bottles a day and its not helping. My husband will be home in 1 hour with our other child from school and I wont be able to play with her or anything as Im not even meeting my own basic needs. Does anyone have any advice as I cant continue like this, its hell honestly

Marriage Troubles

Hey! Just wondering if any other Mamas are having marriage troubles post partum. I feel like no matter what, there’s just never a balance between us anymore. We could both try to get each other to understand our sides, but at the end, we both end up feeling hurt. I’ve been struggling with insomnia, poor sleep, anger, anxiety, depression, etc. I’ve been feeling incredibly self conscious, which makes things even worse. I just have no clue how to heal this relationship. He thinks he’s always right. He’s way too logical sometimes. WAY TOO LOGICAL!!! And I’m too sensitive, I guess. It’s an awful combo. But I’m sure other women experience this.

I seriously just don’t know what to do. I’ve built up so much anger and resentment already and it feels horrible. I’m so disappointed.