Overstepping step MIL

My partner’s dad’s wife has started referring to herself as “grandma” or calling LO “my grandson”. Partner and I would like LO growing up knowing his late biological grandmother as “grandma” when we look at pictures of her remembering and honouring her. It’s deeply uncomfortable because we have never had that kind of sacred relationship (she’s made weird comments about LO’s appearance and all sorts of un-grandmotherly gestures) She is painting me out to be the “evil daughter in law” and unfortunately partner’s dad seems to be falling for it. The question is do I just embrace the “evil DIL” trope and tell to eff off? I’m really getting sick of it all of the unwanted dated advice and snide comments.

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Aldi and Lidl wooden toy event starting from 8th of October

Just letting you all know that the Aldi/Lidl wooden toy event has started with wooden appliances, foods, tools toys for children!

Planning for christmas, birthdays or buying ahead for your little one or maybe even yourself!

I managed to get hold of the fridge, country kitchen and basic foods - may go back for some more wooden foods and sweet treats to fill the kitchen!

Left my Inlaws in tears today😢

My partner didn’t stand up for me (despite me nudging him multiple times to say something) & when I tried to talk to my parents about it, they said I’m being dramatic and baby will be ‘fine’.
So I just wanted to see what other mummas think💔

My little one is currently 5 weeks old.

Every time I see the in-laws that do or say stupid things which makes me dread seeing them. I really tried to stay positive today and hope that it would be a good visit.

but

1) The dad had a bad cough & cold and said “I won’t go too close to baby because I’m ill”……2 minutes later, he was pulling her hands out of her mouth. Then she was putting her hands back in. Then he was pulling them back out. So his germs were quite literally going in her mouth. (I was nudging my partner to tell him to stop, but he didn’t see what I was nudging for & laughed because he thought I found it funny)

2) the MIL was KISSING MY BABY ON THE LIPS. I’ve even told everyone on my side of the family not to do this and that this is for mum and dad only.

3) because baby was eating her hands, I said oh she might be hungry. She said “no don’t worry”….then SHUVED HER FINGERS IN HER MOUTH & laughed about it saying “I used to do this when he was a baby”.
In my eyes, do what you want to you OWN baby, but she is NOT YOURS.
By this point I was quite literally so fed up with biting my tongue and said “I hope your hands are clean because I’m over here sterilising all of her bottles and dummies”. And she said “oh…are you?”.

4) my baby hasn’t let me put her down since day 1 of being born. She told me it’s my fault because I pick her up when she cries. (My own mum agreed with this when I tried to tell to her about it). Newborns cannot self soothe yet, I’m not going to let her cry it out when she just wants her mumma. Don’t tell me it’s my fault and I’ve caused it.

5) every time I see them the mil comments on my weight.

I told my parents I’m worried sick about her getting poorly and ending up hospitalised because of these people. Every time I visit them, this sort of thing happens. I keep giving them the benefit of the doubt and more things continue to happen.

If I try to communicate with my partner about it, he gets angry with me and makes out like I’m having a go at him. When I’m simply asking him to stand up for our daughter because she can’t speak up for herself yet, we are her voice.

Both my parents said I’m being dramatic because “tiny babies don’t get sick, it’s only older babies”.

I’m honestly so so upset because she was so safe In my womb a few weeks ago and I do everything I can to take care of her the best I can. Then people like that just don’t seem to care.

My partner blames it on their generation because they’re quite old. But my grandparents are the same age and they would never do or say the things they do.

Ive lost all patience with these people. I don’t want them to think I’m keeping their granddaughter away from them but I feel like at this point, while she’s tiny, it’s what’s safest for her. I can’t stand being uncomfortable in their presence feeling like my baby is at risk.

Feel completely trapped by breastfeeding

Its 1.30pm and all I have managed to do today is a quick shower and eat some toast. I havent been able to dry my hair, eat lunch, get dressed properly. I am so tired. Baby sleeps awful at night. Been feeding baby on and off for 2 hours. Every time they fall asleep I put them down and they wake within 2 mins. Even tried safe cosleeping as everyone swears by it, so I could at least sleep for a while, nope, he wakes within 5-7 mins just as I am starting to relax. We already do 1-2 bottles a day and its not helping. My husband will be home in 1 hour with our other child from school and I wont be able to play with her or anything as Im not even meeting my own basic needs. Does anyone have any advice as I cant continue like this, its hell honestly

Feel very numb

My "partner" has gone awol. Im currently 5 months pregnant, he went out yesterday to the bank and was ment to get my tablets from the hospital as im classed as a high risk pregnancy and then arranged to go baby shopping. I ended work and proceeded to meet him. I tried ringing ect his phone switched off...I waited for 20 minutes and left to come home. When I returned home his car was here but he wasn't...I checked the camera and he walked up the street at 3.25pm and hasn't been seen or any contact since. I rang him work he hadn't let them know and he'd judt not turned up! I have notified the authorities...the last time he did the whole disappearing was a month ago then came back early hours. In an hour it'll be 24 hours.

He obviously just doesn't give a f**k tbh especially as he never even got my medication and I currently feel embarrassed and vulnerable especially as my family saw the real him before I did or maybe I did but didn't want to see it.

How do I cope?

Im petrified of becoming a single mum and doing it all on my own 😢 as i don't have a village.

I kind of hate my husband

I think I’m in a narcissistic abusive relationship. I don’t know if my algorithm has just been picking up on it and steering me to that content, or if it’s just a trending topic rn. But I honestly hate my husband, yet I feel like he’s all I have and I can’t leave. In the beginning of our relationship, he would encourage me to hang out with my friends but make subtle criticisms about them. Recently he just blatantly states “I don’t think they’re good for our relationship.” Yet he talks to his ex daily, and somehow that’s okay. He get defensive when I talk about anything serious, and when I try to keep things light, I need to shut up because it’s useless information and no one cares. Everyday me and the kids all cater to his emotions, and we can’t have fun unless he is. I’m constantly criticized, and he degrades me to the kids. Sex isn’t even good anymore because the entire time he just tells me I’m not good enough and it’s nothing like it used to be when we first met. I’m constantly drowning, and my friends and family are critical of me for staying even though they don’t even know what is happening behind closed doors and I just feel like if they think the little things are bad, they’d judge me way worse knowing the full extent. But when he’s not around me I feel uneasy and anxious and desperate to be close to him again. He makes me feel like I can’t survive without him, even though I know I can and I actually think the reality is that he won’t survive without me.

I just don’t know how to break the trauma bond and escape this.

Ugh!

I am with an old fashioned man who believes women need to be at home. I work part-time from home, so I have agreed upon the role he wants, but it is getting to the point where the women in his family are starting to reach out and say something to me about how he treats me with them around. I definitely agree, I have been at my husband and son's beck and call, but I am getting nothing but undermined from this. Our 9 year old son is even telling me that this is his dad's house and that if he does something he isn't supposed to, that's going to be on me. This role isn't working out for me anymore. I am sick of treated like second class in my own home. We are not in the 50s anymore. Has anyone found a solution in a similar situation that worked to keep their family together, but there was more respect for you?