Left my Inlaws in tears todayš¢
My partner didnāt stand up for me (despite me nudging him multiple times to say something) & when I tried to talk to my parents about it, they said Iām being dramatic and baby will be āfineā.
So I just wanted to see what other mummas thinkš
My little one is currently 5 weeks old.
Every time I see the in-laws that do or say stupid things which makes me dread seeing them. I really tried to stay positive today and hope that it would be a good visit.
but
1) The dad had a bad cough & cold and said āI wonāt go too close to baby because Iām illāā¦ā¦2 minutes later, he was pulling her hands out of her mouth. Then she was putting her hands back in. Then he was pulling them back out. So his germs were quite literally going in her mouth. (I was nudging my partner to tell him to stop, but he didnāt see what I was nudging for & laughed because he thought I found it funny)
2) the MIL was KISSING MY BABY ON THE LIPS. Iāve even told everyone on my side of the family not to do this and that this is for mum and dad only.
3) because baby was eating her hands, I said oh she might be hungry. She said āno donāt worryāā¦.then SHUVED HER FINGERS IN HER MOUTH & laughed about it saying āI used to do this when he was a babyā.
In my eyes, do what you want to you OWN baby, but she is NOT YOURS.
By this point I was quite literally so fed up with biting my tongue and said āI hope your hands are clean because Iām over here sterilising all of her bottles and dummiesā. And she said āohā¦are you?ā.
4) my baby hasnāt let me put her down since day 1 of being born. She told me itās my fault because I pick her up when she cries. (My own mum agreed with this when I tried to tell to her about it). Newborns cannot self soothe yet, Iām not going to let her cry it out when she just wants her mumma. Donāt tell me itās my fault and Iāve caused it.
5) every time I see them the mil comments on my weight.
I told my parents Iām worried sick about her getting poorly and ending up hospitalised because of these people. Every time I visit them, this sort of thing happens. I keep giving them the benefit of the doubt and more things continue to happen.
If I try to communicate with my partner about it, he gets angry with me and makes out like Iām having a go at him. When Iām simply asking him to stand up for our daughter because she canāt speak up for herself yet, we are her voice.
Both my parents said Iām being dramatic because ātiny babies donāt get sick, itās only older babiesā.
Iām honestly so so upset because she was so safe In my womb a few weeks ago and I do everything I can to take care of her the best I can. Then people like that just donāt seem to care.
My partner blames it on their generation because theyāre quite old. But my grandparents are the same age and they would never do or say the things they do.
Ive lost all patience with these people. I donāt want them to think Iām keeping their granddaughter away from them but I feel like at this point, while sheās tiny, itās whatās safest for her. I canāt stand being uncomfortable in their presence feeling like my baby is at risk.
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Sounds like 2 things
1 - yes your in laws are dicks, you need to practise your big girl voice in holding boundaries yourself
2 - also sounds like you may have new mum anxiety, yes your kid may catch a cold etc and it really is something to avoid but also not something you should be "worried sick" about.
Hopefully working on 1 will help alleviate 2.
This is said with love as someone who had to find her big girl voice and overcome PPA ! Xx
Youāre not being dramatic! Youāre adjusting to being a mom and learning how to keep baby well/safe. Your in laws seem to know no boundaries and you need to address that with your partner because you need to be on the same page on how to handle things moving forward. With that said, do not be afraid to speak up and set boundaries yourself. Setting the tone now will make things much easier for you moving forward and your in laws must respect that as the mom, you are the one to say whatās ok or not.
I was very anxious with visitors when my baby was 5 weeks old, because doctors kept saying that fever/cold before 3 months old could be very dangerousā¦8 months later, I know thatās not the case really but also Iām glad I didnāt risk it. Prioritize yourself and baby, in my opinion, everything (and everyone) else is secondary.
Your in laws sounds like a head ache. I would be fuming with all of these... It seems like they are super disrespectful of your boundaries. Also sounds like a partner issue as it seems like he is not stepping up for you and baby. He should be setting the boundaries and not allowing these unhealthy behaviors
Youre not being dramatic.
1. Stop going to the inlaws without a hard discussion. Let them know where the line is. "If you choose to kiss her on the mouth youre choosing to disregard a boundary I set to help keep her safe and that means we have to leave " thats it. She does it...you pack up and you leave. And when theres a next visit, she may not hold baby until trust is earner. Fil was sick? "I brought her as you promised youd keep your distance since your sick. It seems like youre having a hard time keeping distance. Would it be better for you if we left?" Call it out.
Theyre going to do what you allow. Theyre going to push the boundaries to see how firm they actually are. And if you dont nip it in the bud it could get worse as she grows.
We know we cant keeo our babies safe from EVERYTHING. Its just not possible but we absolutely can do our part to lessen their exposure to things.
Commenting on your weight is disgusting. "I notice you speak on my weight a lot and i find it really rude and hurtful."
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How do you split task with partner when EBF?
Iām looking for some perspective because Iām starting to feel that Iām mad and Iām not sure whether Iām being unreasonable.
My husband works 9-5 and Mon to Thu, has around 1h commuting each way. I completely understand that he is tired when he gets home and needs some time to decompress. Iām not expecting him to come through the door and immediately take over everything. However, Iām struggling with the fact that I donāt feel like my need for rest is being considered in the same way.
Iām currently EBF, so I understand that there are things he genuinely canāt do, particularly overnight. But during the day Iām with the baby constantly and then when he comes home, Iām still doing what Iāve been doing all day. Heāll often play with the baby while I have a shower or do something around the house, which I appreciate, but sometimes it feels like he sees this as āhelping meā rather than simply being a parent. Then the night shift starts again for me because I am EBF and I havenāt rested all day. Also, he sleeps in the guest room, which is great, but if heās slept all night uninterrupted he should feel rested.
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If he plays with the baby while I clean the house, he isnāt really āgiving me a breakā because Iām still working. Iām just doing a different type of work. Likewise, I donāt want to feel like I should be grateful that he is looking after his own baby while I get on with the chores.
I also donāt expect the house to be spotless or for everything to be perfectly divided 50/50. I know that with a baby, things are different and that his job and commute take a lot out of him. But I feel like there needs to be some recognition that I also need time when I am genuinely off duty.
At the moment, it feels like his working day finishes and eventually he gets some time to rest, whereas my āworking dayā doesnāt really finish. Iām with the baby all day, then Iām doing things around the house, then Iām breastfeeding through the night, and the next morning it starts again.
Before we had the baby, I didnāt feel like Iām looking for some perspective because Iām starting to feel quite resentful and Iām not sure whether Iām being unreasonable.
Iām beginning to feel like Iām on a 24h rota between the baby and the house, and honestly, Iām starting to feel more like a housekeeper and primary caregiver than an equal partner.
I donāt want to resent him, because I know he works hard and I know he loves our baby. I also donāt want to minimise the fact that his commute is exhausting. But I need him to understand that I am exhausted too, just in a different way.
How do other couples divide things when one parent is exclusively breastfeeding and the other is working full-time? What does a fair division actually look like?? Please help
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Planning for christmas, birthdays or buying ahead for your little one or maybe even yourself!
I managed to get hold of the fridge, country kitchen and basic foods - may go back for some more wooden foods and sweet treats to fill the kitchen!
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He obviously just doesn't give a f**k tbh especially as he never even got my medication and I currently feel embarrassed and vulnerable especially as my family saw the real him before I did or maybe I did but didn't want to see it.
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Left my Inlaws in tears todayš¢
My partner didnāt stand up for me (despite me nudging him multiple times to say something) & when I tried to talk to my parents about it, they said Iām being dramatic and baby will be āfineā.
So I just wanted to see what other mummas thinkš
My little one is currently 5 weeks old.
Every time I see the in-laws that do or say stupid things which makes me dread seeing them. I really tried to stay positive today and hope that it would be a good visit.
but
1) The dad had a bad cough & cold and said āI wonāt go too close to baby because Iām illāā¦ā¦2 minutes later, he was pulling her hands out of her mouth. Then she was putting her hands back in. Then he was pulling them back out. So his germs were quite literally going in her mouth. (I was nudging my partner to tell him to stop, but he didnāt see what I was nudging for & laughed because he thought I found it funny)
2) the MIL was KISSING MY BABY ON THE LIPS. Iāve even told everyone on my side of the family not to do this and that this is for mum and dad only.
3) because baby was eating her hands, I said oh she might be hungry. She said āno donāt worryāā¦.then SHUVED HER FINGERS IN HER MOUTH & laughed about it saying āI used to do this when he was a babyā.
In my eyes, do what you want to you OWN baby, but she is NOT YOURS.
By this point I was quite literally so fed up with biting my tongue and said āI hope your hands are clean because Iām over here sterilising all of her bottles and dummiesā. And she said āohā¦are you?ā.
4) my baby hasnāt let me put her down since day 1 of being born. She told me itās my fault because I pick her up when she cries. (My own mum agreed with this when I tried to tell to her about it). Newborns cannot self soothe yet, Iām not going to let her cry it out when she just wants her mumma. Donāt tell me itās my fault and Iāve caused it.
5) every time I see them the mil comments on my weight.
I told my parents Iām worried sick about her getting poorly and ending up hospitalised because of these people. Every time I visit them, this sort of thing happens. I keep giving them the benefit of the doubt and more things continue to happen.
If I try to communicate with my partner about it, he gets angry with me and makes out like Iām having a go at him. When Iām simply asking him to stand up for our daughter because she canāt speak up for herself yet, we are her voice.
Both my parents said Iām being dramatic because ātiny babies donāt get sick, itās only older babiesā.
Iām honestly so so upset because she was so safe In my womb a few weeks ago and I do everything I can to take care of her the best I can. Then people like that just donāt seem to care.
My partner blames it on their generation because theyāre quite old. But my grandparents are the same age and they would never do or say the things they do.
Ive lost all patience with these people. I donāt want them to think Iām keeping their granddaughter away from them but I feel like at this point, while sheās tiny, itās whatās safest for her. I canāt stand being uncomfortable in their presence feeling like my baby is at risk.
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I kind of hate my husband
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I just donāt know how to break the trauma bond and escape this.
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