Ugh!
I am with an old fashioned man who believes women need to be at home. I work part-time from home, so I have agreed upon the role he wants, but it is getting to the point where the women in his family are starting to reach out and say something to me about how he treats me with them around. I definitely agree, I have been at my husband and son's beck and call, but I am getting nothing but undermined from this. Our 9 year old son is even telling me that this is his dad's house and that if he does something he isn't supposed to, that's going to be on me. This role isn't working out for me anymore. I am sick of treated like second class in my own home. We are not in the 50s anymore. Has anyone found a solution in a similar situation that worked to keep their family together, but there was more respect for you?
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Stop doing everything for them - cooking, cleaning, picking up after them
Its called divorce. No man like this is going to change
To the point it’s changing your child’s views?? Nah I’m sorry those views can have a huge impact on your child for the rest of their lives. Ask yourself is that how you want your son to treat his wife? If not I’d get the hell out of there and dodge a bullet!
How can he be an old fashioned man who believes women need to be at home - if you work? 🤔
Also there is no solution to this situation other than divorce. That type of man with that mentality - never changes. Those are his core beliefs about women, that we are second class citizens and to be treated as such.
You need to get your head out of the sand ASAP as his views are already imprinting on your son. Your son who will be growing up to the next generation of men, do you really want your future DIL to hate you? Because the longer you stay, the longer he gets to pass on his views and opinions on to your son and there will be a point where you will no longer be able to save him.
What country are you in? If you’re in the UK, speak to Women’s Aid as they can help.
Did you not realise that when your son was little? This doesn’t just happen overnight 😂when you have kids or get married you quickly find out who they REALLY ARE.
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How do you split task with partner when EBF?
I’m looking for some perspective because I’m starting to feel that I’m mad and I’m not sure whether I’m being unreasonable.
My husband works 9-5 and Mon to Thu, has around 1h commuting each way. I completely understand that he is tired when he gets home and needs some time to decompress. I’m not expecting him to come through the door and immediately take over everything. However, I’m struggling with the fact that I don’t feel like my need for rest is being considered in the same way.
I’m currently EBF, so I understand that there are things he genuinely can’t do, particularly overnight. But during the day I’m with the baby constantly and then when he comes home, I’m still doing what I’ve been doing all day. He’ll often play with the baby while I have a shower or do something around the house, which I appreciate, but sometimes it feels like he sees this as “helping me” rather than simply being a parent. Then the night shift starts again for me because I am EBF and I haven’t rested all day. Also, he sleeps in the guest room, which is great, but if he’s slept all night uninterrupted he should feel rested.
The weekends are where I struggle most. He seems to feel that playing with the baby is his main contribution, while I end up using that time to clean, do laundry, tidy, cook, etc. It can feel as though he gets to spend his free time playing with our baby while I’m still responsible for making sure the house functions.
If he plays with the baby while I clean the house, he isn’t really “giving me a break” because I’m still working. I’m just doing a different type of work. Likewise, I don’t want to feel like I should be grateful that he is looking after his own baby while I get on with the chores.
I also don’t expect the house to be spotless or for everything to be perfectly divided 50/50. I know that with a baby, things are different and that his job and commute take a lot out of him. But I feel like there needs to be some recognition that I also need time when I am genuinely off duty.
At the moment, it feels like his working day finishes and eventually he gets some time to rest, whereas my “working day” doesn’t really finish. I’m with the baby all day, then I’m doing things around the house, then I’m breastfeeding through the night, and the next morning it starts again.
Before we had the baby, I didn’t feel like I’m looking for some perspective because I’m starting to feel quite resentful and I’m not sure whether I’m being unreasonable.
I’m beginning to feel like I’m on a 24h rota between the baby and the house, and honestly, I’m starting to feel more like a housekeeper and primary caregiver than an equal partner.
I don’t want to resent him, because I know he works hard and I know he loves our baby. I also don’t want to minimise the fact that his commute is exhausting. But I need him to understand that I am exhausted too, just in a different way.
How do other couples divide things when one parent is exclusively breastfeeding and the other is working full-time? What does a fair division actually look like?? Please help
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Aldi and Lidl wooden toy event starting from 8th of October
Just letting you all know that the Aldi/Lidl wooden toy event has started with wooden appliances, foods, tools toys for children!
Planning for christmas, birthdays or buying ahead for your little one or maybe even yourself!
I managed to get hold of the fridge, country kitchen and basic foods - may go back for some more wooden foods and sweet treats to fill the kitchen!
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Feel completely trapped by breastfeeding
Its 1.30pm and all I have managed to do today is a quick shower and eat some toast. I havent been able to dry my hair, eat lunch, get dressed properly. I am so tired. Baby sleeps awful at night. Been feeding baby on and off for 2 hours. Every time they fall asleep I put them down and they wake within 2 mins. Even tried safe cosleeping as everyone swears by it, so I could at least sleep for a while, nope, he wakes within 5-7 mins just as I am starting to relax. We already do 1-2 bottles a day and its not helping. My husband will be home in 1 hour with our other child from school and I wont be able to play with her or anything as Im not even meeting my own basic needs. Does anyone have any advice as I cant continue like this, its hell honestly
21
Feel very numb
My "partner" has gone awol. Im currently 5 months pregnant, he went out yesterday to the bank and was ment to get my tablets from the hospital as im classed as a high risk pregnancy and then arranged to go baby shopping. I ended work and proceeded to meet him. I tried ringing ect his phone switched off...I waited for 20 minutes and left to come home. When I returned home his car was here but he wasn't...I checked the camera and he walked up the street at 3.25pm and hasn't been seen or any contact since. I rang him work he hadn't let them know and he'd judt not turned up! I have notified the authorities...the last time he did the whole disappearing was a month ago then came back early hours. In an hour it'll be 24 hours.
He obviously just doesn't give a f**k tbh especially as he never even got my medication and I currently feel embarrassed and vulnerable especially as my family saw the real him before I did or maybe I did but didn't want to see it.
How do I cope?
Im petrified of becoming a single mum and doing it all on my own 😢 as i don't have a village.
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I kind of hate my husband
I think I’m in a narcissistic abusive relationship. I don’t know if my algorithm has just been picking up on it and steering me to that content, or if it’s just a trending topic rn. But I honestly hate my husband, yet I feel like he’s all I have and I can’t leave. In the beginning of our relationship, he would encourage me to hang out with my friends but make subtle criticisms about them. Recently he just blatantly states “I don’t think they’re good for our relationship.” Yet he talks to his ex daily, and somehow that’s okay. He get defensive when I talk about anything serious, and when I try to keep things light, I need to shut up because it’s useless information and no one cares. Everyday me and the kids all cater to his emotions, and we can’t have fun unless he is. I’m constantly criticized, and he degrades me to the kids. Sex isn’t even good anymore because the entire time he just tells me I’m not good enough and it’s nothing like it used to be when we first met. I’m constantly drowning, and my friends and family are critical of me for staying even though they don’t even know what is happening behind closed doors and I just feel like if they think the little things are bad, they’d judge me way worse knowing the full extent. But when he’s not around me I feel uneasy and anxious and desperate to be close to him again. He makes me feel like I can’t survive without him, even though I know I can and I actually think the reality is that he won’t survive without me.
I just don’t know how to break the trauma bond and escape this.
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Ugh!
I am with an old fashioned man who believes women need to be at home. I work part-time from home, so I have agreed upon the role he wants, but it is getting to the point where the women in his family are starting to reach out and say something to me about how he treats me with them around. I definitely agree, I have been at my husband and son's beck and call, but I am getting nothing but undermined from this. Our 9 year old son is even telling me that this is his dad's house and that if he does something he isn't supposed to, that's going to be on me. This role isn't working out for me anymore. I am sick of treated like second class in my own home. We are not in the 50s anymore. Has anyone found a solution in a similar situation that worked to keep their family together, but there was more respect for you?
1
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