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First time mums

I don't know what I expected but it wasn't this

I stay at home with our daughter while my husband works. He's a wonderful husband and a good dad. He helps with the baby when he gets home, cooks dinner on a regular basis, and makes sure we have what we need.

Here's the issue: We are EBF right now because our baby will not take a bottle. I'm constantly feeding her, which is to be expected, but I feel so alone. Tonight she was so congested she couldn't latch (I had to go get the aspirator and use that) and my husband was just laying there, half awake, while she screamed. I know he's doing what he can most of the time. It's just exhausting because I pack the diaper bag, I wash the cloth diapers and pads, I know the difference in her cries, I'm the one teaching her baby sign language, I get her dressed when we're going somewhere, and I'm the one who basically gets thrown under the bus when people have negative things to say about our choices as parents (such as not making her wear socks all the time because she kicks them off anyway). I have a thousand questions running through my mind at any given moment in the day and in comparison it feels like he gets to just rest easy knowing I have things under control.

I am EXHAUSTED. I am touched out. I would really like to take a nap and not have to worry that my child is going to roll off of my chest into a potentially life threatening position because she wakes up every time I put her in her bassinet.

She is everything we hoped for and more. I just need a break and I doubt I'll get a real one until about 3-4 months from now. To those who breastfeed and work, I don't know how you do it.