SAHM life
Can we talk about how hard it is to loose financial independence??
Don’t get me wrong I love being a SAHM and I wouldn’t choose going to work over spending time with my baby, being able to raise him and be present in every stage.
BUT
Is really hard for me to depend on someone else financially. I feel like I lost freedom over myself. My boyfriend makes sure I have all that I need, but sometimes I just wanna go have a coffee, or organize a family gathering, IDK many other things that I need to ask him for money to do and if he doesn’t feel like spending money then I’m the one that has to deal with that. I just feel so vulnerable and sad. I wanna be able to get matching pjs for Christmas for us, or to get some cupcakes to celebrate each month for my baby and I CANT. Not without him. Ugh I FEEL CAGED idk if someone else has gone through something like it.
The only thing that keeps me going is that in a few years my baby is going to school and I can go back to my teacher job and do this little things that I’ve been wanting to but still this has been really hard for me.
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I feel you. I wish I could do the pampering things I did (nails/pedicure/coffee or lunch dates/going out with friends) before having my son. If I ask my husband he doesn't say no, but then I feel guilty asking before/after. I also plan on going back to work once kids are in school (currently pregnant).
As the person who is supporting him to continue his career and supposedly in a loving committed partnership you should have equal access to finances. You have both agreed for you to give up your earnings in order to look after the child you BOTH made and that benefits both of you. Having to be so dependent is borderline financial abuse. I would talk about finances, what money is available and sort out a better system e.g. joint account for shared expenses, a personal account where you get an equal amount of personal spending money to him. You shouldn’t have to beg for a few quid for a coffee. Obviously living on one salary can mean sacrifices for both partners but one shouldn’t be left feeling lesser than and like they have no right to anything. I feel 100% entitled to the money I am supporting my husband to earn and would not be a SAHM without financial transparency and equality, that’s the bare minimum your man should do imo
Its so hard. My 3rd baby is 8 months. Since having my second I've been working as a relief lunch time supervisor but they now have a set few days permanent to offer.
But I would have to put my 2 youngest in nursery all day to just be able to work a couple of hours therefore I'd be spending more than I'm making. Feel so upset I cant even do something for myself yet also feel grateful I get to spend this time with them.
I think you guys should look at how you handled your family finances.
Get a joint account and treat all income as joint income so all income comes into this account.
Sit down and discuss where money goes to, what is needed for bills, what is for rent/mortgage. What is for savings . Etc and whatever is left you both split 50/50 as "fun money/spending money" ..and this fun money you both get I I would transfer to each others personal account.
This way you have an oversight of the finances and have some degree of financial independence.
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Worried a little bit, did this happen to anyone else
I was out today with my daughter in her pram, well we were walking under some trees to a cafe literally seconds away, well we got there and I saw something on my daughters hand, I took her hand to know what was on it and realised, I quickly held her hand and wiped it down with baby wipes, while full on having an argument with my husband because he couldn't hear in the busy cafe what was going on, it was just a little bit on her hand, it was mainly on the side of her pram, inside and her blanket, which I quickly removed, I grabbed my daughter and whisked her to the loos and did a full wash of her hands and full explore of her mouth and lips to see if he put them in, I found nothing and I checked, I refused to put her in her pram for the rest of the day, I used the baby carrier, I got some anti bac spray for the pram and as soon as I back at out rented holiday cottage I took the insert and anything else that can be washed out the pram to wash in the washing machine, I have done it correctly, I am still thinking about it
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Effect on marriage
How has having a baby changed your marriage and the way you treat your husband?
I’m genuinely curious to hear other moms’ experiences because I feel like we don’t talk enough about this side of motherhood.
My husband is honestly amazing. He’s a cardiology fellow, so his schedule is extremely busy, but he still makes an effort to spend time with me, help with the baby, and give me opportunities to rest. I really couldn’t ask for a more supportive husband.
However, since becoming pregnant and having my baby, I feel like I’m not myself anymore. I’m constantly irritable, I snap at my husband over little things, and sometimes I find myself getting annoyed just by his presence, even when he hasn’t done anything wrong. I also feel emotionally disconnected at times, and I feel so guilty because he genuinely tries his best.
I’m currently a SAHM, and I struggle with motivation and productivity, too. Some days, I’ll cook dinner and clean the kitchen, but the rest of the house will be untouched. Even when the baby naps for longer than 30 minutes, I often end up doomscrolling or staring into space instead of resting or getting things done. Then I feel guilty about that, too.
I know having a baby changes your relationship, but sometimes I feel like I’m the one causing all the problems in our marriage because I can’t seem to regulate my emotions the way I used to.
I’d really love honest answers from moms:
* How has your relationship with your husband changed since having kids?
* Have you found yourself being more irritable, resentful, or emotionally distant from your husband, even when he’s supportive and hasn’t done anything wrong?
* Did you go through a period of feeling like you weren’t yourself anymore? If so, did it get better with time?
* How long did it take for things to feel more normal again?
I’m not looking for perfect marriage stories. I genuinely want to hear the honest, messy reality of what this transition has been like for other women, especially those who have supportive husbands but still struggle emotionally.
I think I need some perspective on what other moms have experienced because sometimes it feels like I’m the only one struggling with this.
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Would anyone else be upset?
My cousin is getting married next week and they’ve said no children. I have a 3.5 year old which I’d be more than happy to leave with grandparents but my 5 month old is breastfed and won’t take a bottle. Due to this I asked my cousin if I could still bring him but they have said no 😔 this ultimately means my husband and I won’t be attending. Same for my brother and his wife who has a 3 month old.
I can’t help but feel so offended and annoyed by this… I get it’s their special day and it’s up to them but can’t they see that I can’t just leave my baby? He isn’t on solids yet, they wouldn’t have to feed him and I doubt they would even notice he was there! I feel like they just don’t get it and are being overly strict about it 😩
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Would you take away movie night as a consequence for 6 year old?
So every Friday we have movie night but my 6 year old pushed another student at school today and received ISS for it. It was over something so little but my 6 year old (currently being evaluated/tested) struggles with managing her anger and frustration & sometimes acts impulsively.. I’m not excusing her behavior at all and regardless of any diagnosis she may or may not receive, I know that does not take away from the fact that she is not allowed to hurt people because she’s angry.
My question is— would you take away movie night as an at home consequence? I sometimes struggle with discipline because I don’t want to discipline her all day but I also don’t want to discipline too little. She of course received consequences at school by having to be in ISS for the remainder of the day which also meant she missed music class, recess, and the classes shaving cream party at the end of the day.
Also, if you vote no— what kind of home consequence would you have? She’s not a bad kid and typically does not set out to purposely hurt people but also when she is mad, she loses all her reasoning/logic skills.
6
Why is my husband so fucking loud?
Seriously. I’m upstairs with a door closed. Why the fuck do I hear your spoon clanking on a bowl all the way up here?
🙃🫠
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SAHM life
Can we talk about how hard it is to loose financial independence??
Don’t get me wrong I love being a SAHM and I wouldn’t choose going to work over spending time with my baby, being able to raise him and be present in every stage.
BUT
Is really hard for me to depend on someone else financially. I feel like I lost freedom over myself. My boyfriend makes sure I have all that I need, but sometimes I just wanna go have a coffee, or organize a family gathering, IDK many other things that I need to ask him for money to do and if he doesn’t feel like spending money then I’m the one that has to deal with that. I just feel so vulnerable and sad. I wanna be able to get matching pjs for Christmas for us, or to get some cupcakes to celebrate each month for my baby and I CANT. Not without him. Ugh I FEEL CAGED idk if someone else has gone through something like it.
The only thing that keeps me going is that in a few years my baby is going to school and I can go back to my teacher job and do this little things that I’ve been wanting to but still this has been really hard for me.
4
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