Birth plan?

I’m a first time mum and have no idea what to put on my birth plan. All I have so far is that my birth partners are my fiancé and mother. Any advice? I’m 33+4

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I had my birthing plan explained they asked me if I wanted a natural birth or a c-section I’ve gone with c-section due to me being an epileptic and then they asked me who my birthing partner is and I said my fiancé and that’s it

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Hi, I am making one now, and I'm basing mine on templates I've seen.

I've included birthing preferences - natural delivery, pain relief, positions I want to use, who's in the room, how I may act when in pain, any mental health that may present when distressed and that my partner can speak on my behalf if I become incapacitated..

Environment - dark room, no music, some foods and drinks that give me comfort i.e. sugary tea

After delivery - skin to skin, delayed cord cutting...

In our antenatal class the midwife said to include absolutely anything we can think of, as it could help the nurses make me more comfortable in small ways whilst I may not be able to do it myself 🙂

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Definitely discuss with midwife next time as this will help greatly.

Birth plan wise, there should be one in your badger notes to complete, but you can also get a template online and fill those in.

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I would have a think about whether you want/need a c-section or vaginal birth. You don't necessarily have to put all these things on a written plan but you could consider them yourself and make your birth partner aware of your wishes.
If you want a vaginal birth, think about how you feel about induction, a water birth, if you want to use the consultant unit or midwife led unit, pain relief methods you would/wouldn't want to use, how you feel about assisted delivery, episiotomy, how you want to deliver the placenta (injection or not), delayed cord clamping, who you want to cut the cord and vitamin K.
If you want or are advised to have a c-section, think about whether you want your own music playing, if you want the drape lowered when baby is born, vitamin K, whether you want immediate skin to skin while still in surgery, who you want to cut the cord, if you want baby to go to your birth partner if you aren't able to hold them straight away

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If you go onto “conversations” on your badger notes app, then “start new birth plan conversation” it asks you all the relevant questions and then you can go through them with your midwife and also use your answers to write a paper copy one too if you like

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It’s not fair❤️‍🩹

So I recently found out that my child’s father has been actively sleeping with different women during my pregnancy and as well trying to talk to me, get me to support him help him in the same breath. And that he actively communicates and possibly sleeps with one of the women that I work with. I do not want to take maternity pictures with him. I don’t want him to sit by me at the baby shower and I feel like that’s not a problem it’s very hard to explain the pain that I’m going through. Two days after we broke up I found out I was pregnant and in that process he has sex with someone else and it was the girl that I work with. I don’t know how strong I am at this point, but I guess I’m finding out. This hurts because people asked me at one point in time did I believe in having a family and is that why I kept supporting him. And the answer is yes. But now due to the circumstances. I want nothing to do with him.

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Birth plan?

I’m a first time mum and have no idea what to put on my birth plan. All I have so far is that my birth partners are my fiancé and mother. Any advice? I’m 33+4

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MIL Advice

I’ve been with my partner for 6 years. We had a rough time around a year in due to his mental health, but he is doing so well now and we’re stronger than ever!
There have been a few things that his mum has said, and now I don’t want to see her or spend time with her alone. I just wanted everyone’s thoughts.
The first thing was when we got the mortgage. My partner received an inheritance, but I put in the exact same amount towards the deposit because I helped him pay off his car, which removed a bill before we applied for the mortgage. She told him we shouldn’t have gone 50/50 because of this, giving him more financial security.
I moved on from it as I thought, she just wants the best for her son.

We planned this pregnancy and have saved over £10,000 for financial security. The majority of the savings are from me as I have a higher income. I do not mind this, as I’ll be taking a full year off work, and him contributing means a lot because it allows me to.

We have since gotten along well, including her messaging me decor ideas and gardening tips.

When we told her I was pregnant, she cried. I knew it was because she wasn’t happy, but my partner wanted to hope that she was just processing. Still, she congratulated us.

A few weeks later, she told him she was worried he was going to be ‘trapped’ and end up paying ‘child maintenance.’
He stood up for me and told her this was way out of line.
She apologised and said it wasn’t her intention, and that she was just worried about his mental health. For context, at the beginning of the year he was extremely low; this was all as a result of his employer treating him awfully. He has a new job and is THRIVING, back to my weird, happy, and hyperactive partner.
She said she made those comments because she was worried about his mental health and the pressure on our relationship. Despite the fact that I was the one here.. every day supporting him and getting him through it, whilst she called him once or twice a week to check in. She ended up staying at ours for a week so he wasn’t alone which I was grateful for. But she only experience a week of it, I got him through almost 3 months until he started his new job.

The comments felt very personal because I grew up on a council estate and in an abusive household and she knows that. In my opinion, if that’s what she was worried about, that’s what she should have said. But given everything I have done to support him, the comments aren’t justified in my opinion.

She then blamed her upbringing and how her life has been so hard, including the divorce from his dad. She’s very negative about his dad and refuses to see him, even though it would mean missing her own daughter’s wedding.

My partner still talks to her, and I don’t expect him to stop. She has not sent me a single message—not even an apology—since. It’s been weeks.

My stance is that I will go to family gatherings if she is there, but I will not make any trips to see her or stay at her house like we used to. She can see the baby as much as she likes, but I don’t want to see or speak to her unless I have to. She doesn’t even know if she’s going to hold the baby, as she’s also said she doesn’t like babies. I won’t let her impact my daughter.

My partner understands and won’t push it, but I still feel bad.

For me, because I grew up abused, I’m not willing to be treated or spoken about like that. Had she apologised, I could have moved on, but she’s made no contact with me since.

Am I being unreasonable?

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