How do you teach your kids responsibility?

I'd start now. Start with the basics like getting her to find, pick up, and use her own water bottle instead of giving it to her or finding it for her. Mine is 3, and since before 2, I've been doing things like this - encouraging her to find and keep track of her own things. She can't be expected to keep track of toys she brings to a restaurant or her bottle when we're on an outing or whatever, but I encourage her to find her own things. If she loses a toy, I encourage her to look around the room first and find it herself. She's still learning, but she is getting it. It's a skill they will need for school.

Responsibility with belongings = logical consequences. When the toy is missing. I place the ownership
back on them, no matter how young. Acknowledge the loss, offering empathy. Ask what she plans to do next time to not lose something? “Do you wanna hear what big kids do to not lose their belongings?”

Paying attention: depends on the reason (too many distractions/stimulation, not enforcing eye contact or touch when telling her something, the directions are too complicated, neurodivergence, etc…)

Respecting boundaries. Teach her what she CAN do instead of just what she CAN’T. “I know you really want to see sissy, why don’t you draw a picture for her and surprise her after her nap!” During meal time I would physically keep them seated apart at the table but if that’s not possible, repeat “hands on our own body!”

Saying “don’t” or “stop” or not to do something to a toddler is like telling someone to not think of a pink elephant… and here we are thinking of pink elephants 😅

Also .. for the lying: give a chance to tell the truth… this may only work for slightly older kids but give it a try:
"Would you like to try that answer again with the truth?"

"Think about it, and let me know when you're ready..."

"I'm happy to wait."

"I'm not asking because I don't know. I'm asking because you have a choice to not lie. What choice are you going to make?”

“Thank you for telling the truth. Because you lied, and ignored my instructions, there will be a consequence”

FYI that last one… “there will be a consequence” comes in handy because you don’t need to be specific yet. Take a moment to think about it and then follow through later.

Thank you both so much! This is super helpful insight that I plan to try my best to remember in our next “spat”. Sometimes i feel like I’m having to high of an expectation, then other times it seems like she has no expectations… today i did enforce that id already found her water bottle twice in the span of an hour and it was missing again , i had her look around the room until she found it. Small things like this make her lose her mind crying, no matter how softly I say it , that also makes it hard and has unfortunately probably made me give in too many times and cause this behavior 😕

would you mind sharing some consequences you’ve seen work? I think I have a tendency to be too firm some times and too soft others and it doesn’t set a clear boundary ; but I feel guilty like I did too much sometimes if she gets sk upset. — also to be clear I’ve never hurt or hit my kids, o try not to yell but have been failing at that..

thank you so much. I appreciate all of this information. Tomorrow’s a new day, and i plan to apply a lot of this. I’m open to any other advice you think of - or anyone else reading this 💗