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SEX ~ DRAMA ~ MARRIAGE & MORE

Please I feel miserable no one is hearing me

I need some advice because I feel like I’m being misunderstood, and I genuinely want an outside perspective.

For some background, I have a boyfriend who has a son from a previous relationship, and we also have a daughter together. Who is my first. During my pregnancy, my boyfriend cheated on me with his son’s mother and multiple other women. There was a lot of disrespect and hurt surrounding that situation, and it was especially painful because I was pregnant at the time. His brother also teamed up with his son’s mother to put me down, and his mother has dismissed the cheating situation as “nonsense.” These experiences have affected how comfortable and accepted I feel around his family. His step mom and everyone else says it doesn’t compare. Bf says I’m ungrateful because his family has done everything for my daughter.

On my side, there has also been conflict. My boyfriend was giving my mother money for rent, but she was using the money for herself instead of putting it toward the rent arrears. Understandably, this caused a lot of anger and resentment between my boyfriend and my family. Hurtful things were said on both sides, and my mother has said some very hurtful things to me, too.

Because of everything that happened, my boyfriend refuses to let me take our daughter to visit my family. It hurts to see his family and all his toddler nieces and nephews go out to get food and no one invites me or even ask. They do family outings and I can’t have mine. He said this is my family now. I understand why he is angry, and I am not excusing what my mother did. However, I miss my family. I miss my siblings, my dog, and being around people I’ve known my whole life. I also want my daughter to have the opportunity to know my side of the family, provided those relationships are safe and healthy for her.

Recently, I opened up to my boyfriend’s family about feeling left out and awkward because I don’t know them very well. I also admitted that I miss my family. Their response was that I cannot compare my boyfriend cheating on me to my family being disrespectful to me, because the situations are different.

But I wasn’t necessarily trying to compare them. I know both situations are hurtful in different ways. I was trying to express how I feel and explain that I miss my family, too. I feel like I am expected to understand everyone’s hurt, but when I express mine, it gets dismissed or turned into a comparison.

I already feel like an outsider in my boyfriend’s family because of the cheating, the disrespect, and the way certain family members have treated me. Now I feel guilty for even expressing that I miss my own family.

Am I wrong for feeling this way? Am I wrong for wanting to maintain a relationship with my siblings and wanting my daughter to know my side of the family, even after what my mother did? How do I navigate this situation without dismissing my boyfriend’s feelings but also without completely sacrificing my own emotional needs?

I genuinely want honest advice because I know my family isn’t innocent in this situation, but I don’t think that means my feelings should be dismissed either.