Blended family contact time

My partner sees his son from his previous marriage 6 out of 8 weekend days. He takes him on days out. Only two weekend days are for our shared son and I. He says it's because he doesn't see his older son during the work week. But during the work week, our shared son is not at home and we just do the bed time routine. He has to commute back and forth to pick up his first son and often is tired for us on Sundays but he does force himself to do things with us even if it tires him.

To be fair He does invite us to go with them but his son often snatches toys from kids, recently he kicked my toddler who went flying backwards. I don't think he is a good influence on our son but his dad doesn't want to discipline him because he feels guilty and his mother says that saying no to their son is bad. I am limiting time with them now which now puts the childcare of my son with me for the majority of the weekend. Do you think two days is sufficient for our shared son?

in our community

Does anyone else’s partner do EVERYTHING halfway because they’re so lazy?

•If he changes baby’s nappy, EVERY time he gives her back he hasn’t put her socks back on.

•If poop/pee gets on her clothes, he brings her back to me only in a vest. (No excuse for it, the clean baby grows are literally in the drawer on the changing table)

•He took her for a walk today to give me some peace, when he handed her to me she was only in a vest and freezing cold. He said he put her in her snow suit In the pram but no clothes on. He said she was screaming the whole walk. And he just left her in it, he didn’t pick her up and comfort her💔I often carry her and push the pram in the other hand. She’s really poorly at the moment with a cold and just wants lots of comfort.

•He rocks her to sleep rubbish so she never goes to sleep for him then tells me “she hates me, I can’t do it, only you can do it” but he puts 0 effort in to it. Even the way he pats her bum, she likes it quite firm, he gently taps his fingers, there’s no way she can even feel it through her nappy. And she likes to be rocked/move around. He’ll often just stand still or sit down.

•If I ask him to feed her a bottle, he refuses to use a bib because he can’t be bothered to spend an extra 5 seconds putting it on.
So at night time her love to dream swaddle gets really wet from milk around the chest/neck. I’ve told him SO many times, If that happens you need to take it off because it will make her cold and could make her skin sore…he NEVER does. He leaves her in it.

•In the nights he never buttons up her vest or baby grow. If I get up to change her nappy, I unzip her swaddle, to find her clothes completely open, so that it’s just the nappy to get to. Just because he can’t be bothered to do up a couple of buttons. Which is an extra few seconds.

•He doesn’t practice safe sleep when he looks after her for me because he want to avoid everything that will wake her up. I often find him sleeping and not keeping an eye on her, with her absolutely covered in blankets unsafely all round her face. I always try to tell him her dangerous if he’s not watching her, and he says “oh she’ll be fine nothing will happen” Everyone always thinks it won’t happen to them. I hate that attitude.

•He’s been sterilising the bottles for me regularly…then the other day I was in the kitchen and saw how he did them😫
1) he didn’t take them apart (mam bottles) because he can’t be bothered to put them all back together afterwards.
2) he only rinsed them with water under the tap. No soapy water at all. No sponge/bottle brush. If I tell him to please use fairy liquid. He says “why, it’s only milk”😵‍💫
3) He then put them in the steriliser still covered in bubbles, didn’t rinse them off.
4) doesn’t measure the amount of water in the steam steriliser just chucks loads in there.
(He does the exact same thing with my pumps, he refuses to take them apart or use soap, even though I’ve told him multiple times.)

I have tried to tell him hundreds of times how to do all of these properly but he gets SO moody. If I even say ONE small thing in a nice way, he huffs and puffs and rolls his eyes and says “can I do it or what, I’m not an idiot”. So I’ll step away, and then I’ll see him do something wrong AGAIN and I’m just cringingggg because I know that If I say something for the second time it genuinely ends up in a bad argument.

All of my family and his family are CONSTANTLY saying he’s such an amazing hands on dad. Always saying “you’re SO lucky he helps you so much, he’s brilliant”….but to me he just creates more work. No one sees these little details. My partner thinks I’m being silly and nitpicking and “just want to moan/nag” when I’m genuinely just trying to communicate/educate him. I always try to say it as nicely as possible to avoid upsetting him but it doesn’t matter, it ends the same way every time.

Venting

I'm so mad. But like am I just crazy?
My husband had a work trip to France for a week at the end of September. I get it it's not a vacation but still, it's not like he's breaking his back working. He is literally just having social time with his coworkers all day long. Then he came back for 3 days and then he had a boys trip to Japan for 12 days. I already had my girls trip in June but my friend could only afford 5 days in Dominican lol. Whatever. I'm not mad that he had this boys trip. I'm just salty cause I literally haven't seen my husband for basically a whole month. He came back on Sunday and we went to the Zoo with the baby the day after and then he was back to work. When I tell you that I have barely spent time with my husband since he came back I mean it. Maybe 2/3 hours for the whole day. He doesn't go to sleep with me, he stays up gaming. I wake up he's not here. He comes home from work hangs around for like maybe an hour while I'm actively taking care of the baby and cooking, and then he goes to nap. It's not a problem that he takes a nap, it's a problem because it's not a nap! It's a full on sleep from 4:30pm-8pm and then he wakes up when baby is already down for the night and he continues on to game. Literally the whole night!!!! Mind you he doesn't spend time with baby. Or me. Idek the last time he even had a baby and papa day where he would watch her while I do nothing. Oh wait I do remember, never! Just because I drop off our baby for a couple days at his mom's house sometimes so I can have a break doesn't mean he can neglect fatherly duties. Getting him to change a diaper is like pulling teeth. And when the baby is a grandmas house guess what it's not like he takes advantage of that opportunity and spends quality time with me. He games!!!!! I'm fuming. I'm literally thinking about just telling him I'm going out and just be gone all day today. I'm so over it. I'm so sick of feeling like single mom. He always tells me how lucky I am to stay home and take care of baby like it's a freaking walk in the park with sunshine and rainbows. Like I try so hard be involved parent and take her out every day and not be nose deep in the phone or tv. Like when he's with her, he either got his phone out or TV is on. She's 11 months. And we been trying for another baby but omg Im having second thoughts about the second baby. I'm literally about to go on birth control cause I'm not gonna be single mom x2.

Cheating husband

Husband cheated what should I do ?
I caught him ,I got in contact with the girl and asked some questions that was important for me to know yes they had sex she was his GF since may of this year ,they did go out on a date mind you I had our first baby in July I find this information out at the end of September.He is telling not to tell no one because he is worry about his image ,but like. I don’t care because I am going through postpartum by self and depression has kicked in The excuse he gave has angered me and it lives rent free in my head but my daughter is the reason I get up because she deserves the best from her mom I cry in the shower or when she is sleep .I try to be strong because I only breast feed and all of this tanks my milk supply.

Discipline

Do you hit/spank your kids if they don’t listen or do something wrong? According to the Bible you are supposed to. I grew up in a home that did believe in whoopings and never thought I would hit my kids. I hear some people don’t but what do you do when your kids don’t listen? My boys don’t listen AT ALL! I’m a sahm.

God moms

Moms, I need some honest opinions because I want to know if I’m wrong in this situation.

My kids’ godmom invited them to her son’s back-to-school party. At the time, my kids’ older half-brother (same dad) was living with us for the school year, but she didn’t know. When we got to the party, their dad asked me to ask if his older son could come too. I asked, and she said yes.

Fast forward about a month, and their godmom asked if she could take my two kids out to breakfast with her two children. Their dad said if she wasn’t taking his older son too, then none of our kids could go. He was serious and was refusing to let them go.

For context, his older son was 8, and our kids were 3 and 1, almost 2. His older son didn’t even know about the breakfast invitation.

My issue is that she’s not his godmom, and she doesn’t really know him. She was nice enough to include him at the party, but I don’t think that means she should HAVE to include him every time she wants to spend time with her godchildren.

I understand not wanting a child to feel excluded, but I also feel like my kids should be allowed to have their own relationships and experiences without their siblings always being included. Especially when this is someone who has an established relationship with them.

Am I wrong for disagreeing with their dad? Would you expect a godparent to include a sibling they barely know every time they want to spend time with their godchildren? Or would you allow your kids to go?

I genuinely want honest opinions from both sides.

Would this annoy you or my hormones are playing games with me?

My husband family keeps repeating that my son looks like ‘them’ or they make comments on his behaviour saying he ‘does that’ because it’s a ‘family thing’ always referring to my husband’s size of the family. To me they don’t get that my son is coming from my family made of myself and my husband, he’s our baby, and there is no need to pull him on their side of their family. Does it make sense what I say? According to my husband I am overthinking everything and I am becoming super annoying 😬