Partners who work long hours

Hi! I’m wondering how moms juggle it all and still find fulfillment in daily life if they have a partner who works all the time. I’m a FTM of a 3 month old and my husband works 13-16hr days, his days off are far and few between and they often could change at the last minute. During his working days he doesn’t see her other than one of the middle of the night feeds he helps me with which I’m super grateful for. We don’t have family near by for help and mother helpers/Nannie’s in our area are about $36/hr which is out of our price range at the moment but I’m finding myself extremely drained and I know it’s only the beginning. I’m thinking of military spouses, spouses of Doctors and Chefs etc. how do you all do it? I’d love some pointers ❤️

in our community

Child maintenance

Need some advice 🙏🏻 recently separated with my kids dad. So far it has gone alright but he’s starting to step away more and more from their life’s. I haven’t looked into child maintenance yet but feel the need to stand up for my rights. Been trying to contact citizens advice but it’s impossible to get hold of them.

Would love some personal stories or advice on how to get this into action.

For context, I have the kids 60-70% of the time. The dad is admin he’s doing 50% of the work (like speaking to a brick wall).

Thanks 🙏🏻

Need a ride to liverpool (urgent please help)

I’ve made posts about leaving my abusive partner with my 6month old.
To do so i need to get his passport done urgently in liverpool, but it would be a long journey with trains and just me alone. At the end of this month.
Anyone who could help with a ride or a tag along? Even just a ride there OR back would be absolutely so amazing and i would be forever grateful.

Should I just leave it be?

Buckle up this is a long one.

Okay so boom, I married the guy that ended up being my first “real” relationship and sometimes I feel like I folded too quick. Hear me out, the guy is my best friend, we have the most adorably amazing baby and for the most part things are good until they aren’t. We seem to get along only when there’s jokes and silliness but as soon as I voice something that bothers me or future plans, suddenly I’m not exactly an enemy but he’s going to do anything to get out of the conversation. We’ve been arguing about the same issues in different fonts since we got together. He always apologizes but then there’s never any action behind it so now I just tell him I don’t care for an apology because it feels like to me the sorry is just a wet bandage over the situation and means nothing because he’s going to do it again. His cop out is that he has adhd and he forgets but dude is 2 levels away from being the highest non-executive role at amazon so like why can you put your all into that but not into your home life?

Some backstory, when we met (feb 2020 right when lock down started) I was going through it and 8 weeks into talking, I texted him that I unfortunately wouldn’t be able to pursue a relationship with him because my family was screwing me over and I had a month or less to find housing with no money because family had been charging me rent during covid which was my savings. (There’s more to that but just know that I had come from NYC to the Bay Area) and then got scammed by family. He offered for me to move in with him and his family and having nothing else I agreed after he and I sat down with his parents because of how fast we were moving. Fast forward, I move in and we both start working for amazon, things are good. I’m the type of person to do the most when I’m in other people’s spaces. so this house was always spotless, I cleaned up after both of us and the bathroom everyone used. When I cooked, I cleaned etc. before then his mom was doing all of that including folding his clothes (bro didn’t know how to fold a shirt when we met, he was 22) fast forward some more, we’re a couple years into our relationship and I’m still holding up the fort but we’re taking about the future and stuff so I tell him that for when we move out he’s going to have to learn how to do these things and be a little more domestic, I’m also doing most of the shopping for us like shampoo, soap, lotion toothpaste, and I noticed he was self conscious a lot so I bought him new clothes and shoes and cologne because gift giving is my love language. This is where things start going downhill, his mom doesn’t like that he’s being an adult and starts talking about me to him behind my back about how I’m making him cook and clean??? Never said a thing when I was doing it the previous 3 yrs. She started saying things out of pocket to me for example, after I confided in her about what I was going through with my family she asked me if I was worried that if something happened to her son that I would have no one, after I had voiced that I didn’t trust that her son wouldn’t jump out of a flying plane and risk his life for no reason after he lied about a plethora of other things in the past that she also knew about. She was more concerned that I had access to his phone and not that her son had been cheating on me and lying.

This is probably when you call me stupid for staying with him because what do you mean he cheated and lied and his mom treats you like that. Yea Idk either, my excuse was that I gave my family so many chances so it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t give him the same? Moving right along, to this day me and his mom did not get along very well. So no we’re having more prevalent issues, and I keep telling him that his actions are making me not want to be with him and I’m trying to be understanding but like come on. So after saying he wants to get married and move out and start a future, he starts saying that he’s worried about getting married because I keep threatening to leave…? Accountability out the window I guess… moving forward some more I start bringing up moving out. We’re 3+ years into living with his family, we both have good income and we spend more money on 150 gallon fish tanks than it would cost to get a studio. He’s combative about it because we don’t have the money, I say it’d be the betterment of our relationship because of his mom, still no. Then amazon offers him his first promotion but they say we HAVE to move an hour away, within 2 months we’ve secured a 3 bedroom apartment. FAAAH

We sign the lease and I find out he’s still talking to one of the girls he was cheating with…in his deleted messages…(oh brother this guys STINKS) he says he hides when he talks to girls because I’m insecure 🧍🏾‍♀️ bro.

At that point, we just signed this lease so we’re stuck cohabitating but we’re separated cuz what. Somewhere along there, we end up talking it out ig just proximity and the fact that like realistically we should have just been friends. We have similar humor and interests and we just click (I’m a Virgo and he’s a Taurus if that says anything to you) we get back together cool and marriage gets thrown back on the table and atp sad to say, I gave him an ultimatum. Marriage or I’m gone because you’re not about to play in my face. If you’re going to do bafoonery at least let me collect on it if we divorce. Obviously I didn’t say that part aloud but I did feel like I put too much into the man and built him up to let someone else reap the benefits yknow and CA has very specific spousal laws.

Fast forward again things are cool and I’m not finding anything new but trust issues are still there but we’re trying to make things work. I didn’t mention but early in our relationship I got on birth control that affected my hormones in the worst way, gained 70+ lbs in less than a few months, stopped getting my period and even 2 years after stopping I still didn’t get it back. I went to an OBGYN and was diagnosed with PCOS. She said if we wanted to have kids I’d have to lose weight and be mindful of diet and exercise and she put me on metformin. PCOS if you’ve never heard of it, essentially makes it really hard to lose weight and manage hormones which means it affects your period and ovulation which in turn affects your ability to have children, obviously it’s not impossible just really really hard.

I asked him to start going to the gym with me, helping me find recipes to cook, simple things that should have been a no brainer for someone who said they wanted to have kids. For whatever reason, bro did not want to put in the work with me. His excuse was he’s tired and had no time. For context he has 3 day weekends. I didn’t, and I got off work at 9:30pm and still managed to lose 15lbs. I ended up going to the gym with a coworker before our shift and it was a dude who was also married and I knew his wife. I say that to say, you guessed it, my husband became jealous of my coworker. 😒 whatever, I’m not a cheater for 1 and for 2 I just don’t care because I begged you for the moral support and you refused. BUT, my husband said he wants to go with me now and I say cool, I tell my coworker i am switching days and once again you guessed it, my husband DOES NOT GO TO THE GYM WITH ME LOL.

I end up getting pregnant though..the first time. It ends in miscarriage at 6w. I’m devastated, bro just assuming I’ll get over it and I did eventually. I told myself maybe he just didn’t know how to tend to my emotions because this was his first experience too. Plus we weren’t even really trying, ‘twas a surprise. After the first time we sat down and agreed that we did want to try, the first time was a sign that it was at least possible and if it was hard now at 25y it would be only harder as I got older. For a few months we’re trying and the first time I thought we’d succeed, bro came home with a plan b and said he wasn’t ready. FAAAAH

Took the pill and called it quits to myself because I’d just spent years trying to reverse the effects of hormonal imbalance due to contraceptives. -ran out of characters. I’ll keep going in the comments.

Dad of the year

My baby had her first dentist appointment where she’s got teeth. Me and her dad are co-parenting. He picked her up the night before and messaged me in the morning saying she’s got a dentist appointment. I asked him why he didn’t tell me the night before to remind me and he said he was booked ages ago and I should’ve remembered. I then asked him what the dentist was called so I could at least get a taxi and make the appointment. I called him numerous times and messaged him well before the appointment, he read it and chose not to reply till after the appointment was finished. All I can think of that he’s done this on purpose, as I’ve said to him in the past I don’t want to miss out on any firsts. He also tries to make out like he’s an amazing dad because he took her to the appointment and I didn’t go. It’s really upset me as I am on my own with no support and he’s got his family. I try so hard to be the best mum I can be for my girl but he tries his hardest to put me down. Rant over!!!😂

4 month old first time starting solids

My baby got the green light to start purées from her doctor and I’m super excited. Is there a specific order in which foods I should try. I really want to start with avocado. I would love if someone could give me a breakdown of the foods I should be trying for couple months and how much is each serving for a 4 month old ?

Partners who work long hours

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Child maintenance

Need a ride to liverpool (urgent please help)

Should I just leave it be?

Dad of the year

4 month old first time starting solids

Partners who work long hours