Child maintenance
Need some advice šš» recently separated with my kids dad. So far it has gone alright but heās starting to step away more and more from their lifeās. I havenāt looked into child maintenance yet but feel the need to stand up for my rights. Been trying to contact citizens advice but itās impossible to get hold of them.
Would love some personal stories or advice on how to get this into action.
For context, I have the kids 60-70% of the time. The dad is admin heās doing 50% of the work (like speaking to a brick wall).
Thanks šš»
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If you go online thereās a calculator that has an idea of how it would work if you were to claim child maintenance based of his income if you know it, and the amount of time spent with each parent x
Put the claim as soon as possible as that is when the payments start. The CMS system is not great on either side. They take a long time to put in place arrangements so you could be waiting a while but equally they are very harsh on the paying parent as they go via last year's annual salary before tax and divide it by 12 monthly payments. Any late or missed payments they start charging 20% extra to the paying parent and don't take into account any personal circumstances such as a lower salary from last year unless it differs by 20% or more, or a difficult month. It may be better to speak to him directly first to make your own arrangements based on the CMS calculator, if you are still amicable.
If he is stepping away from the kids lives for reason you just have to leave him. Make sure that you stop all contacts with him if you feels like getting it back with the kids and being in their lives fine if not leave it let it be Iām going to the citizens advice I think itās a good choice because at the end of the day these are your kids youāre talking about you know so yeah do everything possible to get every advice you can?
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Child maintenance
Need some advice šš» recently separated with my kids dad. So far it has gone alright but heās starting to step away more and more from their lifeās. I havenāt looked into child maintenance yet but feel the need to stand up for my rights. Been trying to contact citizens advice but itās impossible to get hold of them.
Would love some personal stories or advice on how to get this into action.
For context, I have the kids 60-70% of the time. The dad is admin heās doing 50% of the work (like speaking to a brick wall).
Thanks šš»
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Ofstead inspection
If your childminder requested your child didnāt attend during an ofstead inspection because āless kids are easierā and then proceed to ask for a review to show the ofstead inspector, what would you do?
Iām thinking why would I write a review for you to show the very people you canāt seem to take care of my child in front ofā¦
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Need a ride to liverpool (urgent please help)
Iāve made posts about leaving my abusive partner with my 6month old.
To do so i need to get his passport done urgently in liverpool, but it would be a long journey with trains and just me alone. At the end of this month.
Anyone who could help with a ride or a tag along? Even just a ride there OR back would be absolutely so amazing and i would be forever grateful.
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Should I just leave it be?
Buckle up this is a long one.
Okay so boom, I married the guy that ended up being my first ārealā relationship and sometimes I feel like I folded too quick. Hear me out, the guy is my best friend, we have the most adorably amazing baby and for the most part things are good until they arenāt. We seem to get along only when thereās jokes and silliness but as soon as I voice something that bothers me or future plans, suddenly Iām not exactly an enemy but heās going to do anything to get out of the conversation. Weāve been arguing about the same issues in different fonts since we got together. He always apologizes but then thereās never any action behind it so now I just tell him I donāt care for an apology because it feels like to me the sorry is just a wet bandage over the situation and means nothing because heās going to do it again. His cop out is that he has adhd and he forgets but dude is 2 levels away from being the highest non-executive role at amazon so like why can you put your all into that but not into your home life?
Some backstory, when we met (feb 2020 right when lock down started) I was going through it and 8 weeks into talking, I texted him that I unfortunately wouldnāt be able to pursue a relationship with him because my family was screwing me over and I had a month or less to find housing with no money because family had been charging me rent during covid which was my savings. (Thereās more to that but just know that I had come from NYC to the Bay Area) and then got scammed by family. He offered for me to move in with him and his family and having nothing else I agreed after he and I sat down with his parents because of how fast we were moving. Fast forward, I move in and we both start working for amazon, things are good. Iām the type of person to do the most when Iām in other peopleās spaces. so this house was always spotless, I cleaned up after both of us and the bathroom everyone used. When I cooked, I cleaned etc. before then his mom was doing all of that including folding his clothes (bro didnāt know how to fold a shirt when we met, he was 22) fast forward some more, weāre a couple years into our relationship and Iām still holding up the fort but weāre taking about the future and stuff so I tell him that for when we move out heās going to have to learn how to do these things and be a little more domestic, Iām also doing most of the shopping for us like shampoo, soap, lotion toothpaste, and I noticed he was self conscious a lot so I bought him new clothes and shoes and cologne because gift giving is my love language. This is where things start going downhill, his mom doesnāt like that heās being an adult and starts talking about me to him behind my back about how Iām making him cook and clean??? Never said a thing when I was doing it the previous 3 yrs. She started saying things out of pocket to me for example, after I confided in her about what I was going through with my family she asked me if I was worried that if something happened to her son that I would have no one, after I had voiced that I didnāt trust that her son wouldnāt jump out of a flying plane and risk his life for no reason after he lied about a plethora of other things in the past that she also knew about. She was more concerned that I had access to his phone and not that her son had been cheating on me and lying.
This is probably when you call me stupid for staying with him because what do you mean he cheated and lied and his mom treats you like that. Yea Idk either, my excuse was that I gave my family so many chances so it wouldnāt be fair if I didnāt give him the same? Moving right along, to this day me and his mom did not get along very well. So no weāre having more prevalent issues, and I keep telling him that his actions are making me not want to be with him and Iām trying to be understanding but like come on. So after saying he wants to get married and move out and start a future, he starts saying that heās worried about getting married because I keep threatening to leaveā¦? Accountability out the window I guessā¦ moving forward some more I start bringing up moving out. Weāre 3+ years into living with his family, we both have good income and we spend more money on 150 gallon fish tanks than it would cost to get a studio. Heās combative about it because we donāt have the money, I say itād be the betterment of our relationship because of his mom, still no. Then amazon offers him his first promotion but they say we HAVE to move an hour away, within 2 months weāve secured a 3 bedroom apartment. FAAAH
We sign the lease and I find out heās still talking to one of the girls he was cheating withā¦in his deleted messagesā¦(oh brother this guys STINKS) he says he hides when he talks to girls because Iām insecure š§š¾āāļø bro.
At that point, we just signed this lease so weāre stuck cohabitating but weāre separated cuz what. Somewhere along there, we end up talking it out ig just proximity and the fact that like realistically we should have just been friends. We have similar humor and interests and we just click (Iām a Virgo and heās a Taurus if that says anything to you) we get back together cool and marriage gets thrown back on the table and atp sad to say, I gave him an ultimatum. Marriage or Iām gone because youāre not about to play in my face. If youāre going to do bafoonery at least let me collect on it if we divorce. Obviously I didnāt say that part aloud but I did feel like I put too much into the man and built him up to let someone else reap the benefits yknow and CA has very specific spousal laws.
Fast forward again things are cool and Iām not finding anything new but trust issues are still there but weāre trying to make things work. I didnāt mention but early in our relationship I got on birth control that affected my hormones in the worst way, gained 70+ lbs in less than a few months, stopped getting my period and even 2 years after stopping I still didnāt get it back. I went to an OBGYN and was diagnosed with PCOS. She said if we wanted to have kids Iād have to lose weight and be mindful of diet and exercise and she put me on metformin. PCOS if youāve never heard of it, essentially makes it really hard to lose weight and manage hormones which means it affects your period and ovulation which in turn affects your ability to have children, obviously itās not impossible just really really hard.
I asked him to start going to the gym with me, helping me find recipes to cook, simple things that should have been a no brainer for someone who said they wanted to have kids. For whatever reason, bro did not want to put in the work with me. His excuse was heās tired and had no time. For context he has 3 day weekends. I didnāt, and I got off work at 9:30pm and still managed to lose 15lbs. I ended up going to the gym with a coworker before our shift and it was a dude who was also married and I knew his wife. I say that to say, you guessed it, my husband became jealous of my coworker. š whatever, Iām not a cheater for 1 and for 2 I just donāt care because I begged you for the moral support and you refused. BUT, my husband said he wants to go with me now and I say cool, I tell my coworker i am switching days and once again you guessed it, my husband DOES NOT GO TO THE GYM WITH ME LOL.
I end up getting pregnant though..the first time. It ends in miscarriage at 6w. Iām devastated, bro just assuming Iāll get over it and I did eventually. I told myself maybe he just didnāt know how to tend to my emotions because this was his first experience too. Plus we werenāt even really trying, ātwas a surprise. After the first time we sat down and agreed that we did want to try, the first time was a sign that it was at least possible and if it was hard now at 25y it would be only harder as I got older. For a few months weāre trying and the first time I thought weād succeed, bro came home with a plan b and said he wasnāt ready. FAAAAH
Took the pill and called it quits to myself because Iād just spent years trying to reverse the effects of hormonal imbalance due to contraceptives. -ran out of characters. Iāll keep going in the comments.
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I feel like my marriage is doomed
My husband and I have a 16 month old and 3 month old. The first time I got to go out after having my now 16 month old was when she was about 8 months old and it was just to a local musical, so about 3.5 hours I was gone. When I got home I found my husband passed out drunk with porn still pulled up on his phone.
We established YEARS ago that porn is a version of infidelity and isnāt tolerated by either of usā¦ or so I thought. This absolutely destroyed my self esteem, as I wasnāt showing with my second yet, and my body had finally recovered enough from my first that I was starting to feel confident and recognize myself. But one little choice on his end, and it solidified every negative thing that I picked apart about myself in the mirror. It told me that I still wasnāt enough. Now, Iām 12 weeks PP with my second and still have zero self esteem because when I looked āmy bestā he still chose to look at other women. Now his stomach can genuinely be upset, but my mind tells me heās in the bathroom doing other things. It doesnāt help that our sex life is practically nonexistent because I feel insecure and like he would be comparing me to the women heās seen online.
On top of that, I feel like I canāt ever leave my babies at home alone with him to have time to myself, because the one time I did for more than a half hour, he got trashed and wouldnāt have even woken up if he was needed, much less been able to take them to the ER if needed.
Am I just crazy for still hurting so bad from this? The worst part is that I know heās a functioning alcoholic. Iāve begged him to get treatment and he wonāt. And now I canāt trust him at all and it all started with him drinking too much to make good choices. And how are you supposed to have a healthy marriage with someone you canāt even trust?
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Dad of the year
My baby had her first dentist appointment where sheās got teeth. Me and her dad are co-parenting. He picked her up the night before and messaged me in the morning saying sheās got a dentist appointment. I asked him why he didnāt tell me the night before to remind me and he said he was booked ages ago and I shouldāve remembered. I then asked him what the dentist was called so I could at least get a taxi and make the appointment. I called him numerous times and messaged him well before the appointment, he read it and chose not to reply till after the appointment was finished. All I can think of that heās done this on purpose, as Iāve said to him in the past I donāt want to miss out on any firsts. He also tries to make out like heās an amazing dad because he took her to the appointment and I didnāt go. Itās really upset me as I am on my own with no support and heās got his family. I try so hard to be the best mum I can be for my girl but he tries his hardest to put me down. Rant over!!!š
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