Feeling pretty down tonight
I am 36 and about to have my 3rd baby. The father and I didn't work out. I'm feeling pretty down about that tonight & idk how to lift myself up from it. I am almost 40 and have never had anyone actually choose me and love me and at this point I dont think I will ever feel that. Each of my kids have different fathers, the first isnt involved at all, the second is sporadically involved, and the third hasn't been there for me throughout this entire pregnancy. He's been around sure, but its only for the baby. He never actually chose to care about me. I'm just tired. Tired of always being dismissed or walked away from. Tired of having to spend this life fighting and surviving. Tired of not having anyone to turn to for support. I have no friends and hardly any family. I just feel so alone. & idk who is going to want me after having three children with three different fathers, plus having a newborn at 36 years old. . I just want it to end already.
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Hi love, first of all, you're 36, not 40. It may seem small, but those four years matter, and you have so much life ahead of you.
I want to share a little of my story, not to judge you. I left my son's father when things weren't working, in a foreign country that isn't my own. I spent almost 7 months in a shelter. There was a lot of crying and a lot of loneliness. I'm from Africa, I'm still learning the language, and everything felt out of place. But in that isolation I learned that I had to stop waiting for other people to show up for me. My son is 2 now, and having him in my life has been the best thing. It's still hard, but I've learned to do things on my own. I'm not thriving yet, but I'm so much better than I was.
One thing that helped was asking myself: have I given myself the validation I keep looking for from others? I know that's easier said than done, and tonight may not be the time. But when you're ready, turning that care back toward yourself helps.
It's okay to be tired.
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Nursery food day 1 - ROCKY ROAD?
Iāve lost my lid today, please tell me Iām well positioned to do soā¦
My 9 month old started nursery and as part of his lunch he was served pesto and spinach pasta (fine!) which he managed well as I have been doing a combination of BLW and textured purĆ©ed foodā¦
Then it said he had rocky road (all).
I queried this whether it was an automatic entry because that was the lunch provided for the day, to be told he had some rocky road whilst being supervised.
Heās 9 months old, has had no refined sugar in his diet in line with NHS and early years guidance, heās certainly not had marshmallows, chocolate (sugar and caffeine content) and biscuit/whole nuts.
On what fucking planet is this an age appropriate meal?
Iām devastated as I was feeling anxious about handing over the care of my son for a day and half a week as it is but now this has shattered trust.
In addition, the initial response was that I hadnāt told them Noah wasnāt eating anything with refined sugar content at home when I inducted himā¦
Am I missing something? Should my child be battling choking hazards, consuming refined sugar when heās only just cut two teeth and consuming caffeine?
No hate to anyone who makes any other decisions but this has really rattled me. Surely itās not a āstandard?āā
Help a mama out
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Am I wrong?
I genuinely want to hear other peopleās perspectives because I feel like Iām losing my mind.
I have primary custody of my two children, ages 2 and 3. Their father has visitation every third weekend. Our divorce decree, which he agreed to, states that if he moves outside the designated area, he loses overnight visitation.
Knowing this, he voluntarily chose to move over an hour away to live with a girlfriend and her children. At the time, heād known her for approximately TWO WEEKS.
Because of that decision, his visitation changed to Saturdays, 9 a.m.ā6 p.m., every third weekend. No overnights.
Despite this, Iāve tried accommodating him with additional time, hotels, and Airbnbs. But itās not working. The children have fun with him, but they come home extremely dysregulated. Hitting, fighting, tantrums, sleep issues, etc. It lasts for DAYS, and Iāve documented a consistent pattern.
I donāt believe heās intentionally doing anything wrong during visits. I believe the instability and transitions are difficult for two toddlers.
Recently, they got sick after visiting him. Obviously, sickness happens. But it brought up an even bigger frustration. Who handles the appointments, sleepless nights, medications, and everything else? Me and my fiancĆ©. Their dad gets to return to the life he chose while Iām responsible for everything that comes afterward.
I ended up reaching out to his girlfriend. Not my smartest move, I know. But I genuinely couldnāt believe another mother would support a man voluntarily reducing his time with his own children to live with her.
Turns out, she knows and fully supports his decision.
Theyāve been together around four months, and sheās already referring to parenting my children as āwe,ā āus,ā and āteam,ā talking about how much they love the girls despite never having met them. Her responses also sounded completely AI-generated.
Ultimately, theyāre both comfortable with him being a weekend parent. He considers himself a present, involved father and doesnāt believe heās done anything wrong.
When I asked about accountability for voluntarily choosing less time with his children, their response was essentially, āThe choice was made. How do we move forward?ā
But why am I expected to accommodate a decision that HE made at the expense of his relationship with his children?
I understand some parents have limited visitation due to circumstances outside their control. But this wasnāt one of those situations. He had the opportunity to be more involved and willingly chose less.
And now Iām expected to make his life easier, deal with the emotional aftermath of his visits, and support their plans to eventually become a blended family.
Am I wrong for thinking that being a good dad requires more than exercising the bare minimum visitation? Because I genuinely believe my children deserve better than a father whoās content seeing them twice a month when he could have chosen differently.
I really want unbiased perspectives. Am I expecting too much, or has the bar for being a present parent gotten this low?
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Partners lack of effort (need advice!)
So my boyfriend came home today and I asked if we could go and get washing up liquid because I needed to wash little ones bottles. Sheās formula fed, so we really need to have soap for clean bottles.
He said no Iām not going to go. Bare in mind sheās had a bug for 5 days no stop diarrhoea and Iāve got the flu. I said why? And he responded because if we didnāt have any soap in the world you would just make do and rinse them.
Iām thinking okay fine sure but weāre not in end times, we have money to buy soap and itās 2 minutes away.
Long story short I ended up going because he wouldnāt and her bottles need to be cleaned.
Am I being unreasonable? I just feel like this isnāt fair especially because she has a bug and Iāve now got a temperature from going outside and the change in environments from hot to cold.
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Daycare
Has anyone sent their baby to daycare?! If so tell me good stories as itās almost that time for me to send my baby to child care!
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Am I wrong?
My husband the past 2 days has come home from work after being gone all day and as soon as he comes in the door says heās going upstairs to work on his leg that has been tight and aching. And left me to get the kids dinner, and do their whole bed time routine alone because itās taken that long for him to do his stuff. When I had a problem with it he acted like Iām the bad guy because āheās been gone all day and not had a minute to himselfā. Am I wrong for being upset???
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Terrible twos
Anyoneās LO behaving really bad atm? For the last week or so the only words that come out of my sonās mouth is āNOā and āmineā. He says no to absolutely everything and Iām losing my patience. Heās also been throwing all his toys around and refusing to tidy up and has just been crying so much and annoyed about everything. I donāt know if this is a stage, his age, the terrible twos or if itās due to nursery changes as well as his closest friend has moved up groups. Heās normally a lot better behaved at nursery than home but this week the teachers have been saying he hasnāt been on his best behaviour and he even scratched a kid there today which heās never done before, he also doesnāt want to share anything and if someone else has something he wants he thinks he can just shout and demand it š. Anyone else going through this? Feeling worried, stressed and upset about this and I feel like nothing I do is making it better. x
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