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Baby Daddy Drama

Am I wrong?

I genuinely want to hear other people’s perspectives because I feel like I’m losing my mind.

I have primary custody of my two children, ages 2 and 3. Their father has visitation every third weekend. Our divorce decree, which he agreed to, states that if he moves outside the designated area, he loses overnight visitation.

Knowing this, he voluntarily chose to move over an hour away to live with a girlfriend and her children. At the time, he’d known her for approximately TWO WEEKS.

Because of that decision, his visitation changed to Saturdays, 9 a.m.–6 p.m., every third weekend. No overnights.

Despite this, I’ve tried accommodating him with additional time, hotels, and Airbnbs. But it’s not working. The children have fun with him, but they come home extremely dysregulated. Hitting, fighting, tantrums, sleep issues, etc. It lasts for DAYS, and I’ve documented a consistent pattern.

I don’t believe he’s intentionally doing anything wrong during visits. I believe the instability and transitions are difficult for two toddlers.

Recently, they got sick after visiting him. Obviously, sickness happens. But it brought up an even bigger frustration. Who handles the appointments, sleepless nights, medications, and everything else? Me and my fiancé. Their dad gets to return to the life he chose while I’m responsible for everything that comes afterward.

I ended up reaching out to his girlfriend. Not my smartest move, I know. But I genuinely couldn’t believe another mother would support a man voluntarily reducing his time with his own children to live with her.

Turns out, she knows and fully supports his decision.

They’ve been together around four months, and she’s already referring to parenting my children as “we,” “us,” and “team,” talking about how much they love the girls despite never having met them. Her responses also sounded completely AI-generated.

Ultimately, they’re both comfortable with him being a weekend parent. He considers himself a present, involved father and doesn’t believe he’s done anything wrong.

When I asked about accountability for voluntarily choosing less time with his children, their response was essentially, “The choice was made. How do we move forward?”

But why am I expected to accommodate a decision that HE made at the expense of his relationship with his children?

I understand some parents have limited visitation due to circumstances outside their control. But this wasn’t one of those situations. He had the opportunity to be more involved and willingly chose less.

And now I’m expected to make his life easier, deal with the emotional aftermath of his visits, and support their plans to eventually become a blended family.

Am I wrong for thinking that being a good dad requires more than exercising the bare minimum visitation? Because I genuinely believe my children deserve better than a father who’s content seeing them twice a month when he could have chosen differently.

I really want unbiased perspectives. Am I expecting too much, or has the bar for being a present parent gotten this low?