I Need advice !!

We have our separate accounts and a house account / savings account together.

My husband and I make about the same money. Though he’s taxed differently so he makes slightly more after taxes.

He pays for mortgage, property tax, house insurance, utilities, subscriptions like Netflix and storage, gas for the cars, his phone (work pays for part of it), Costco runs, his life insurance.

I pay for daycare, my student loan, car insurance, Amazon, fresh groceries, and anything for our son if it’s easier to order on Amazon (he’ll get large purchases or in store purchases for him).

Some of these things we just had set up before we moved in together and we just never changed them. Some things we’ve moved over to his credit card because he has better rewards on it.

But he never asks me for money for the bills etc. Whatever money I have left, i spend myself or put in our savings.

I think you should talk and express those feelings. He could maybe take over all of the utilities to give you

Our situation is a bit different because we earn similar, also my child is a baby… and even though we have separate accounts, we consider it a shared pool of money if that makes sense? And then expenses come out based on who account it makes sense. We split the rent, he pays all utilities and health/car insurance and nearly every time we order food or go out to eat .. I have paid for plane tickets to travel, groceries, and since you’re asking re: children, I paid for the hospital bill, doula, photos…the we both have our own income and cards for our fun money / personal things. We have open communication and who pays for what just shifts back and forth. Have you asked him for his card / account to pay for the kid stuff ? Given what you wrote about triple income and your list it would make sense to me as an outsider to reorganize a little 🤷‍♀️

My husband and I do an equitable split of funds, which would be valuable in your situation.

We calculated shared costs (mortgage, childcare, etc.) and each contribute the appropriate amount of funds to a shared bank account for those expenses. For example my husband makes 60% of the shared household income and I make 40%, so he contributes 60% of the monthly costs to the account and I contribute the remaining 40%. That way we both have an equal amount of play money, savings, whatever at the end of the month.

Our personal costs (clothes, etc) come out of our own bank accounts. This is especially nice because we don't bicker over personal expenses. If I want a new phone and I have the money, I can get what I want without having to go to him for approval.

There are two ways to do split finances fairly imo
1. Have a joint account where all income goes into it , from there you pay all bills, food, kid related expenses etc whatever is left you both decide how much goes into savings and what the purpose of these savings are, we have some joint savings some in our separate accounts (these are equal in value though) and from whatever is left we then decide how much is our own individual allowance/spending money which gets transferred into our separate account (this would be the money you get for you coffees, dinner with friends etc)
2. The second way of doing it which I think is a little less fair and imo more complex is splitting by a percentage of your income. So everything remains separate. But let's say if you earn 20% of the total household income then you pay 20% of the bills (this includes rent, food, kid expenses etc ). & you both would set yourself a monthly saving target would be split in a similar way. That way in theory you both get money left.

For the longest time we had separate accts and it caused lots of headaches.
Now we have a joint acct for all bills and rent. It all comes from one acct. we still have our individual accts. Just transfer $ into those when needed.