I feel like I’m falling apart - partner doesn’t seem to want to help. This is a long one…
I’m ftm with baby girl who’s 9 weeks, I’m 23 and my partner is 25, we haven’t been together very long like I found out I was pregnant only months into our relationship. We moved in together when I was about 36 weeks pregnant and ever since then I’ve just felt like his mother - it’s like he is incapable of doing anything. And I should’ve seen this coming because the way he lived in his rental before he moved into my apartment was honestly disgraceful it was so disgusting. I do his washing, I’m constantly picking up after him, I’m the only one who cleans EVER, I cook for him etc and he just doesn’t seem to care or want to help. I know he realises what a burden it is on me, I also have two cats which I’ve had for years and years and sometimes I need help with them when I have my hands full with the baby but he just doesn’t care at all. Not to even mention the baby, now that he’s back at work full time he doesn’t do anything to help with baby girl, I breastfeed but give her a bottle of formula before bed (I pump) so that she sleeps a little longer so I stay sane. He used to sort of help out in the early days but now he’s always “too tired” even though he soundly sleeps for 6/7 hrs a night while I’m up pumping while trying to feed her, doing all the nappy changes, soothing her etc. I ask him to take her once every night so I can shower and clean the kitchen after dinner, I speed do everything but he just shoves a dummy in her mouth and scrolls reels - she cries the whole time. I don’t think I’ve had a hot drink or meal since the hospital. I’m at my wits end (if you can’t tell) and honestly my life would be easier if he wasn’t living with me. I have come to resent him so much, and, I know this post is getting long and rambly, but I’m not even close to finished with everything 😔 He also pressures me for sex almost every night and grabs me when I’m clearly busy holding the baby and doing stuff like washing or dishes, it really irritates me and I’ve told him I’m not ready to have sex, not that I even want to AT ALL. But he keeps on pushing. He also drinks every single night and then spends all night snoring and waking baby girl up. I honestly can’t do it anymore I feel like taking the baby and my two cats and leaving like I’d rather sleep in my car with them at this point. He also smokes weed every night and before baby girl was born I told him he can’t live here with me if he’s smoking and I’ve tried to kick him out for it/gotten angry and upset but he doesn’t care at all he continues to do it and go out drinking and smoking with his mates when he knows I’m at home alone struggling to keep my house running and in order with a baby who’s extremely attached to me (because she’s never spent quality time with her father presumably). Do I just kick him out/end the relationship? I do still have love for him and I remember the days before I was pregnant with him where we loved eachother so so much. Maybe it’s too far gone now and it’s not fixable. The issue is I’ve voiced all of this with him and he just doesn’t change.
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Darling you deserve so much better. I'm sorry I don't really have any solid advice but it made me so sad for you reading that. Honestly, I think you're better off without him... You might even have less to do because you wouldn't be picking up after him all the time! Personally I think you should be done with him, he sounds like a waste of space, not to mention the pressuring you for sex when you must be absolutely exhausted & not even ready. Only you can truly decide what is best for you and your baby girl, but whatever you choose I hope you find peace 🩷
Always, always, always.. put yourself first.
Having no man, is better than having a bad man. I promise you'll cope. You'll even thrive ✨️
Be the best mom to your baby not a grown man. Ending a relationship is always really hard. It doesn't sound like he wants to change and any man who pressures for sex isn't a man you want in the most vulnerable stage of your life. Postpartum.
Do you feel safe enough to ask him to leave? If not, please reach out to a helpline or service to help you remove him or yourself from the situation.
Yeah I would leave. It's like all men are cut from the same cloth. My husband acts like a bachelor sometimes and it drives me insane. Thankfully he's started to step up bc otherwise I'd be done. Honestly I'd give him an ultimatum if I were you. I feel sorry for you bc it was so early and didn't have long enough to really know he's the one.
It was good in the beginning cuz he love bombed you. You holding onto the hope he will be who he was is only keeping you stuck. A real test of character is not in the early phase of relationships but how they are when it is hard and stressful. And so this is who he is. He’s not gonna change. So yes I would say kick him out. You may love who he was but that isn’t who he is. Cuz otherwise you will end up losing yourself cuz he sucked the life out of you cuz you are now his mother cleaning up after him. So i would immediately stop cleaning up for him and stop cooking for him. Dont do anything for him. And dont let him love bomb you and tell you fake promises to get him to stay cuz hobo-sexuals will say anything to stay where they are. Cuz if you had your own place and he moved out of a rental it sounds like he was just looking for someone to move into who is gonna mommy him.
You've tried several times. Protect your baby and sanity.
Yes girl kick him out. I'm 39 years old and honestly the tips I wish I had when I was your age is to not believe these boys will ever change. Do not loose your precious time and energy for that kind of people. Sounds like you handle everything on your own already. Good luck
First of all, so sorry to hear about all this, second of all, well done you!! You’re doing the best you can and showing up for your baby and being a great mum!
Third, regarding the relationship, you are not just choosing your future you’re always also choosing your child’s future and how they grow up and I think that’s the biggest responsibility and the most important decision you can make in your life. Whatever you do, you’ve got this. Wishing you strength! 🫶🏼
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I feel like I’m falling apart - partner doesn’t seem to want to help. This is a long one…
I’m ftm with baby girl who’s 9 weeks, I’m 23 and my partner is 25, we haven’t been together very long like I found out I was pregnant only months into our relationship. We moved in together when I was about 36 weeks pregnant and ever since then I’ve just felt like his mother - it’s like he is incapable of doing anything. And I should’ve seen this coming because the way he lived in his rental before he moved into my apartment was honestly disgraceful it was so disgusting. I do his washing, I’m constantly picking up after him, I’m the only one who cleans EVER, I cook for him etc and he just doesn’t seem to care or want to help. I know he realises what a burden it is on me, I also have two cats which I’ve had for years and years and sometimes I need help with them when I have my hands full with the baby but he just doesn’t care at all. Not to even mention the baby, now that he’s back at work full time he doesn’t do anything to help with baby girl, I breastfeed but give her a bottle of formula before bed (I pump) so that she sleeps a little longer so I stay sane. He used to sort of help out in the early days but now he’s always “too tired” even though he soundly sleeps for 6/7 hrs a night while I’m up pumping while trying to feed her, doing all the nappy changes, soothing her etc. I ask him to take her once every night so I can shower and clean the kitchen after dinner, I speed do everything but he just shoves a dummy in her mouth and scrolls reels - she cries the whole time. I don’t think I’ve had a hot drink or meal since the hospital. I’m at my wits end (if you can’t tell) and honestly my life would be easier if he wasn’t living with me. I have come to resent him so much, and, I know this post is getting long and rambly, but I’m not even close to finished with everything 😔 He also pressures me for sex almost every night and grabs me when I’m clearly busy holding the baby and doing stuff like washing or dishes, it really irritates me and I’ve told him I’m not ready to have sex, not that I even want to AT ALL. But he keeps on pushing. He also drinks every single night and then spends all night snoring and waking baby girl up. I honestly can’t do it anymore I feel like taking the baby and my two cats and leaving like I’d rather sleep in my car with them at this point. He also smokes weed every night and before baby girl was born I told him he can’t live here with me if he’s smoking and I’ve tried to kick him out for it/gotten angry and upset but he doesn’t care at all he continues to do it and go out drinking and smoking with his mates when he knows I’m at home alone struggling to keep my house running and in order with a baby who’s extremely attached to me (because she’s never spent quality time with her father presumably). Do I just kick him out/end the relationship? I do still have love for him and I remember the days before I was pregnant with him where we loved eachother so so much. Maybe it’s too far gone now and it’s not fixable. The issue is I’ve voiced all of this with him and he just doesn’t change.
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