Help with in laws

My sister in law is the only family close that could help us. I am 5 weeks postpartum and been doing everything alone as my husband went back to work after 2 weeks. She hasn’t reached out once. She only met my daughter when we first got home. It is now something that bothers me and will be something I won’t forget. How do I approach the topic with her because I don’t want to feel this way.

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.
Add a comment
Avatar

Does she have kids? If she doesn’t, she may not understand what you need. If she does, she may be trying not to overstep. I wonder if you could ask her for help or support (something specific) and give her a chance to show up for you. If she doesn’t, then I think it is okay to say you’re disappointed and could really use the support. Unfortunately, you cant change her, but you can speak your piece. That’s really hard. 💙

Avatar

I feel this. My wifes sister lives in the UPSTAIRS apartment. Our daughter is 3 and my SIL had only seen her 5x in those first 3.5yrs. I dont understand it.

BUT. I recognize that before my wife became a mother, her and her sister didnt hang like thay anyway. So my question is, did you and your sister hang out before babg was here? If so, then id check in on that for sure. If not, then id just accept that she wasn't present before and i can't expect that to change because I went and had a baby yk? But I can have expectations when it comes to my kids and their relationships anything family. Thats worth discussing. So give yourself time to think about it and then reach out when youre ready to talk to her about how her absence hurt not just for you but for her niece/nephew.

Read more on Peanut

Trending

in our community

Husband doesn’t want to attend antenatal classes

My husband and I went to our first antenatal class yesterday, which is part of a block of five.

He moaned the whole way there, wasn’t engaged throughout and has said he doesn’t want to go to anymore. This is our first baby and I just feel really deflated, with the added pressure of carrying the mental load and educating him on what I’ve learned if he doesn’t attend. The problem is I’m so annoyed at him, I now don’t want him to attend.

Has anyone else encountered a similar situation?

Avatar

16

Setting boundaries

My husband hasn’t been supportive (he pays the bills, rarely helps out with chores) whilst I’ve been raising two kids under 3.
I decided to stop doing his laundry a few weeks ago so he can start doing it himself which he did for some time. Today he messaged me asking if I could wash his work clothes. He’s had the whole weekend to himself pretty much and didn’t bother doing it. I don’t know how to respond without starting an argument.

Also yes I have spoken to him before about how overwhelmed I am and nothing changes.

Avatar

4

Feeling a bit pants

I can’t shake the feeling that I’m not coping with motherhood in the way other mums seem to. So many mums I see and read about appear able to weather the difficult patches and persevere and have such resilience whereas I feel like as soon as we hit a rough patch, I struggle emotionally.

I go to my family’s house every weekday for most of the working day. They might take my little one for a while or give him a bottle, but I’m still there and still parenting him. The thought of spending the entire day at home alone with him fills me with dread. But then I feel incredibly guilty about that too. I feel like I should be able to stay at home and look after my own child without needing to go to my family every day. I worry that I’m putting too much on them, and every time they give him a bottle, I find myself thinking, that should be me.

I don’t think I have PPD because I absolutely adore my son. I can’t imagine a world without him, and I haven’t regretted having him for a second. I love being his mum. I just feel like I’m somehow lacking the emotional resilience that everyone else seems to have and when he’s having a regression I just seem to not do well.

I’ve tried talking to people about this before, but I usually get responses like, “What did you think having a baby was going to be like?” And I know that. I always knew having a baby would be hard. I knew there would be sleepless nights, difficult days and rough patches. I know I am physically capable of looking after my son on my own, and I could stay home with him instead of going to my family every day.

But being physically capable and emotionally coping are two different things. I’m not saying I can’t look after my child. I’m saying that I’m finding it much harder emotionally than I expected to, and I feel like I’m failing because I don’t seem to have the resilience that other mums do and I feel terrible guilt over it.

Avatar

5

9

Help with in laws

My sister in law is the only family close that could help us. I am 5 weeks postpartum and been doing everything alone as my husband went back to work after 2 weeks. She hasn’t reached out once. She only met my daughter when we first got home. It is now something that bothers me and will be something I won’t forget. How do I approach the topic with her because I don’t want to feel this way.

Avatar

3

How many meals a day are we all doing?

I went for our health visitor weigh in a few days ago, and she said to try and up to two meals a day.
My daughter just shows very little interest in food though - I would barely class what she eats at tea time as a meal.

Sometimes she is interested in finger food and refuses to be spoon fed, sometimes it’s the opposite way around.

I have tried breakfast a couple of times but she is just absolutely not interested at all.. everything just wastes.

What do I do, just keep offering and let her explore? Even if she doesn’t actually eat it?

Avatar

6

Am I asking too much?

I'm going to give birth in early 2027 with my second baby. My husband wants support with watching with our toddler who will be 2.5 when I give birth. The only person available to come is my mil, but with one condition. She likes to bring the whole family to stay with her at my home during her stay. It was an issue with my first born because I specifically wanted no visitors other than parents. She didn't stay to help since she didn't like my rule of no vistors. Now she knows what to expect this time around but still wants to come help and bring her usual people to stay at our home. These family members are not helping me who are staying but will be transporting her although we offer to proivde public transportationfor her. My mil wants to bring two kids ages 4 and 1.5. I am not opposed to this because I don't want to house people during my recovery. The people coming also doesn't get the hint either, they have given birth and don't see it as a problem coming to stay. I don't know if its appropriate to remind my mil a second time around or be grateful and suck it up. Am I asking too much? Please be honest.

Avatar

3

Read more on Peanut