Setting boundaries
My husband hasn’t been supportive (he pays the bills, rarely helps out with chores) whilst I’ve been raising two kids under 3.
I decided to stop doing his laundry a few weeks ago so he can start doing it himself which he did for some time. Today he messaged me asking if I could wash his work clothes. He’s had the whole weekend to himself pretty much and didn’t bother doing it. I don’t know how to respond without starting an argument.
Also yes I have spoken to him before about how overwhelmed I am and nothing changes.
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If you’ve already spoken with him and he won’t change, I’d just do it. It will be less stress on you I think. Sorry he’s not helpful.
My partner has been the same way lately except alot worse. He's been doing renos with the landlord for 4 almost 5 months now and it's taking forever because of his actions and the way the house is built. But he has so much he needs to do at home he doesn't do, and brings nothing to the table lately so he's my free childcare until I can get financially stable to leave him. I'm the one looking for a job, trying to make sure bills are taken care of all while trying to ensure I don't loose my mind. All he has to do right now is fix my vehicle and get it ready for safety (which has been broken since August) but he he'd much rather do everything but that.
Stick with your boundaries because if you don't you'll be right back in square one again unfortunately
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Sick of my partner
I am currently 4 months postpartum with my second child. Sunday evening my partner said he was going to see his brother and left the house our 5 year old wanted to talk to him before bed so I called this man and he didnt pick up. I then called his brother who said he was at work so I should call one of his house mates as he might be there so I called the house mate who said he wasn't there called everyone I know he chills with and they all had no idea where he was so I used find my phone on Google to see his location. He later calls and says he's waiting at his brother's work place which is a lie because his location is completely different which I pointed out that why is his location saying box park and he blows up saying I'm fucking with his phone and how I'm controlling and how he doesn't want to chill with me anymore because of the way I'm acting mind you the only person who goes out and does whatever they want in this house is him. I am always with the kids never have time for myself. This man has not been home for 5 days now and has had 0 contact with me no communication at all our son keeps asking for him and I keep saying daddy is at work because he's not picking up his phone. It's soo emotionally draining dealing with him and I'm soo sick of it. I later found out from our friend that he feels like he is under surveillance and he can't do anything around me. Don't know what to do but I really don't want to be dealing with this. He knows he's the only support system I have because my mum is not in the and my nan is dead. What d do I do
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Setting boundaries
My husband hasn’t been supportive (he pays the bills, rarely helps out with chores) whilst I’ve been raising two kids under 3.
I decided to stop doing his laundry a few weeks ago so he can start doing it himself which he did for some time. Today he messaged me asking if I could wash his work clothes. He’s had the whole weekend to himself pretty much and didn’t bother doing it. I don’t know how to respond without starting an argument.
Also yes I have spoken to him before about how overwhelmed I am and nothing changes.
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Husband doesn’t want to attend antenatal classes
My husband and I went to our first antenatal class yesterday, which is part of a block of five.
He moaned the whole way there, wasn’t engaged throughout and has said he doesn’t want to go to anymore. This is our first baby and I just feel really deflated, with the added pressure of carrying the mental load and educating him on what I’ve learned if he doesn’t attend. The problem is I’m so annoyed at him, I now don’t want him to attend.
Has anyone else encountered a similar situation?
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I feel so worthless
My husband tells me all the time how he’s unhappy with me, he wishes he didn’t have to take care of us, he threatens that he’s not going to keep buying our food, and he wants me to start saving up for my own place.
It just hurts so bad. I’m 19 weeks and 5 days pregnant.
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Feeling a bit pants
I can’t shake the feeling that I’m not coping with motherhood in the way other mums seem to. So many mums I see and read about appear able to weather the difficult patches and persevere and have such resilience whereas I feel like as soon as we hit a rough patch, I struggle emotionally.
I go to my family’s house every weekday for most of the working day. They might take my little one for a while or give him a bottle, but I’m still there and still parenting him. The thought of spending the entire day at home alone with him fills me with dread. But then I feel incredibly guilty about that too. I feel like I should be able to stay at home and look after my own child without needing to go to my family every day. I worry that I’m putting too much on them, and every time they give him a bottle, I find myself thinking, that should be me.
I don’t think I have PPD because I absolutely adore my son. I can’t imagine a world without him, and I haven’t regretted having him for a second. I love being his mum. I just feel like I’m somehow lacking the emotional resilience that everyone else seems to have and when he’s having a regression I just seem to not do well.
I’ve tried talking to people about this before, but I usually get responses like, “What did you think having a baby was going to be like?” And I know that. I always knew having a baby would be hard. I knew there would be sleepless nights, difficult days and rough patches. I know I am physically capable of looking after my son on my own, and I could stay home with him instead of going to my family every day.
But being physically capable and emotionally coping are two different things. I’m not saying I can’t look after my child. I’m saying that I’m finding it much harder emotionally than I expected to, and I feel like I’m failing because I don’t seem to have the resilience that other mums do and I feel terrible guilt over it.
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More kids
The entire time I was pregnant and before I even got pregnant me and my fiancé always talked about having multiple kids together, I trusted how he would be as a dad because I've seen him with his son he has partial custody of and he is amazing with him. Now that I'm 6 weeks in to raising our son I don't think I ever want to do this again. He doesn't help with night feedings or get up with him in the morning, he has taken 2 nights with him and made me feel terrible about it, he's told me I'm disappointing him because he thought I would do better, in the past three days I think he's held him for an hour all together. I feel like I'm doing this all alone which is something I told him the entire time I was pregnant I did not want and he assured me he was excited and ready to do this. I love him and he's still a great partner in other ways and I stay home and he works a very difficult, dangerous job. I also think once our son is older he will probably want to do more with him and I know he will be a great dad I just feel completely unsupported now and I never want to go through this alone again so I don't want to have more kids with him now. Am I being overdramatic and emotional because of sleep deprivation and post partum emotions or has he really dropped the ball? Sometimes I feel so angry at him, sometimes I just want to cry, and sometimes I'm convinced it's all my fault for expecting to much. talking about it doesn't seem to help, I feel less overwhelmed with the baby at this point but I still feel so alone in this. I've stopped asking him for any help at all at this point and just started not expecting anything and letting him do what he wants.
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