Does my husband have a say in my OB?

Hi All,

I got pregnant in June 2020. Due to Covid restrictions my husband was not allowed to attend my prenatal appointments except for the anatomy scan. Due to this and my doctor being affiliated with a hospital in NYC (we live in Long Island) and him not wanting to drive that far (35 mins) he wanted me to switch doctors. I told him I was not going to and continued care with my OB. This angered my husband and he continues to hold resentment as her brought it up in an argument today - that I never listened to him. That choosing an OB should have been something we did together and I took the opportunity away from him to see his child grow. He doesn’t seem to understand that I wouldn’t want to change my doctor that I’ve been going to for years. How can I make him understand that I wouldn’t change my doctor I’ve been going to for years. Especially during a pandemic where even if I changed doctors he still wouldn’t have been able to go to appointments with me.

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I don’t know how to make someone understand something after you have already explained it to them. If sounds like he cares more about how he feels then if you are comfortable with the doctor. It is your body and you need to feel comfortable with the doctor especially when having a baby. My OB was about 30 minutes from where we live and my husband complained about it but I just ignored.

The care isn’t just about baby! OB appointments check on the parent and baby, but parent is their patient (@ least from my experience and perspective.) you should be comfortable with YOUR doctor

No that's the same as him thinking he has a say In your body I lived in the Bronx and went to the dr in long island I gave birth at north shore we didn't even have a car at some point in my pregnancy & my husband lived in Florida at the time because we were moving and i didnt want to switch my ob until after i had teh baby & we made it work. If he truly wanted to go to the drs appt that are basically nothing to do at. He could've figured it out (pandemic aside). But either way he wasn't allowed in so he just picking a fight for no reason. Did he go to the scan?

I’d make sure he feels heard by saying you understand that he wishes he could be more involved and you appreciate it. However, many OBs and hospitals have restrictions and it is really important for you to get quality care from a trusted professional so that the both of you can know that you and the baby are well taken care of.

I did. I thought he would appreciate the guidelines my doctor was following knowing how contagious/deadly Covid was back then. He said he didn’t feel included in the journey. When he found out his friend changed doctors so her husband could go to appointments that’s when he wanted me to. I explained to him the guidelines at the time and that I was comfortable going to a doctor that wasn’t following them. He continues to say that since it’s his baby he should have a say in the doctor. No matter how many times I explain to him that an OB is my doctor and a pediatrician is the baby’s doctor he still doesn’t understand. My girl just turned one. I’m over these arguments.

in our community

I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Partner no longer wants baby #2

Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for “selfish” reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do