Advice for managing behaviour

Hi all,

Since my son has turned 3 I am finding it impossible to manage his behaviour. I increasingly find myself being the kind of parent I don’t want to be - short tempered, shouting, impatient etc.
he doesn’t listen to ANYTHING and if things don’t go completely his way he goes mental. The hitting has got worse and throwing things in a rage if we do something he doesn’t like.

Is this normal? How do I stop feeling like this and get myself back to the parent I want to be?

We’ve also recently moved which I know is a big upheaval.

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Does he attend school yet?

He’s started at pre school recently

Good. Get him in full time, this will help. Sounds like he needs a routine and stricter boundaries. School will be great for him once he settles. The teachers will give you feed back too on what works so you can continue this at home.

I don’t want to just palm him off on someone else though. I want to be able to enforce stricter boundaries at home

Not saying to palm him off 😂 but school is good for boundaries. Exactly what kids this age need in my opinion! What I mean is the teachers will be able to help you. Otherwise I suggest less screen time, reward chart (stickers) etc etc. whatever he likes go with that. Worth a try??

I just can’t see the benefit of chucking him in pre school more…
We don’t have much screen time as it is - we try to do no more than an hour a day but even on our worse days it’s no more than 2…
Sticker chart could work - I might try that!

I do understand you and I'm going through that when I feel more stressed and anxious. It's almost like he knows and then makes everything to make me feel even more stressed. I'm normally able to talk to my son and explain why he can't/shouldn't do something. Just go down and look him in the eyes when you are talking to him. Make sure that he listens to you and that feels listened to. Try to understand your child. They don't listen if a basic need needs to be met (sleep, food,etc). I give him natural consequences. If he throws his toys for example: in case he breaks them I put them immediately in the rubbish, if he doesn't break them they go to the garage for a period of time or if he outgrown them they go for charity. Sometimes kids misbehave because they need attention. Try to include him in whatever you're doing. Cleaning windows with white vinagre (non toxic), mixing things if you're cooking, vacuuming, give him something to scribble/paint next to you, do a puzzle together.

Also very important! Empower him! Give him a couple of choices. "Do you want a quick shower or a bath?". "Do you want to put your shoes alone or do you want my help?". "Do you want banana or apple?". This will become part of the way you communicate with him.
Set house rules: "in this house we don't hit each other", "we are kind", "we listen", "we don't yell at each other", etc. Just a few (3 or 4) so you don't overwhelm him and he can repeat them over to you. Remind him of the rules when he breaks them. Be consistent and don't break the rules either or if in a situation or other you do break them, apologise and set things right. Give the example to him!

in our community

Do you ever think some of your mom friends are ungrateful

I have a friend who has both sets of grandparents nearby and they watch their kids full-time for free while she and her husband works. Since her kids were born. One set of grandparents said they need a break and want to go on a month long cruise and they’re actually mad at the grandparents for “leaving them hanging”. Like excuse me? You have had kids for 4 years you need a back up plan and show gratitude for 4 years of free babysitting.
Some of us out her with zero help and they have the audacity.

Do you feel like your husband/ partner puts the same level of care into parenting, cooking, cleaning etc when it’s his “turn” in comparison to you?

I’m having such a hard time lately because it’s become so embarrassingly obvious that my husband just doesn’t care as much as I do. I feel like he compares himself to his own dad or other men in his life who walked out or do the absolute bare minimum so in his mind he’s excelling, and that watching his mom struggle as a single mom doing everything growing up has conditioned him to be almost blind to the labor of women like it’s just expected. I’ve talked to him about this multiple times and it will get better temporarily sometimes but not long at all

Am I tripping 🤔

My friend wants me to watch her daughter 3 days a week 430 to 630 I told her I need $20 every time I watch her because I have 5 kids I have health problems am I wrong ? She saying she don't got it so I feel like I shouldn't do it then is that bad?

Is my child delayed ?

Recently had parent evening for my child (4 in June) and the teacher said she is not where she should be she does not know her shapes, letters or numbers.

My child is able to show me where shapes are on a poster for example if I said find the rhombus she would find it however if I i said name it she couldn’t,

On a number line if I said “find number 4 she would find it” but she is not able to count to 4 correctly but she could show on her hands 80% of the time.

She can recognise letters around 15 correctly but will not say the alphabet.

The teacher also mentioned she doesn’t hold a pen correctly but I have seen her hold a pen with pincer grip and use them in both hands correctly.

I’ll post an image of what educational based supplies we have in the Comments please tell me if we can add anything 🙂

Visitors

How is everyone navigating visitors once baby has arrived? I’m due to be having a c-section so I really want a quiet recovery at home. I’ve had major abdominal surgery before, and the last thing I wanted were visitors! I’d like to say no visitors for at least a week (2 would be nice), but equally I don’t want to upset anyone. I know my family will understand, it’s my partners I’m more concerned about.

My in-laws live an hour away, so I can’t imagine they’ll be happy to pop in for a quick visit, and both my partners sisters are 3 hours away, so I’m sure they won’t want to drive all that way just to visit for an hour max. I also don’t want to be bombarded by guests all at once, but how can we prioritise one sister over another. They both have multiple kids, so it’ll be a lot all in one go!

I get very anxious and overwhelmed by social situations, and I imagine I’ll find it difficult with the hormone shifts after birth.

Advice?

I don’t feel like a good mom. I’m a mom but I don’t feel as present as I need to be. I have an addiction to my phone ever since my son passed. Growing up it’s how I distracted myself and it’s just gotten worse. I use to be on my phone every now and then before but now it’s constant almost. I still play with my toddler but I get bored easily and I don’t look forward to doing stuff. I’m a couch potato who scrolls. I hate it. I recognize it and I hate it. I don’t go out anymore unless needed besides outback. I don’t bake desserts anymore. I feel lazy. Yes I have a therapist but I never say what I need to when I’m there and I have to bring my toddler so it just doesn’t work out how I imagine.

I’m trying to be the best mom I can be but I struggle. I struggle so hard and at this point I am disappointed in myself because I imagined so much for our life and I can’t even be the mom I need to be. Even my mom who lived in the living room and didn’t play with us at least was a present mom. I checked out. I hate it.