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Pasco and Pinellas County Moms

Help!!!

I don't even know how to begin. I don't know of it's a mental breakdown a midlife crisis or early menopause. And I don't even think there is even one person who can relate. I feel so damn alone.
*long post*
I'm falling apart and feel like I'm on the edge. As any other woman out here I do everything in my house. The only conversation I have is with a 2 year old for almost 12 hours a day. I make all the sacrifices for everyone else to be happy. I listen to every single negative thing that any one person tells me. I sit here day and night constantly in a state of depression and allow my anxiety to get the best of me. I go through a million plus negative thoughts a day. I go to bed crying . I wake up crying. I try to be ok with what's going on in my personal life. But for the life of me I can not seem to bring my self to be ok or even wrap my head around this situation. Then I feel like I'm being unfair and controlling. As a married woman I'm just not ok with my husband casually talking to another woman period. Regardless if it's a life long friend. That right there even coming out of mouth makes me sound so controlling. I'm stuck now in a position where I keed out of desperately so I can move forward. I see a change in my husband now and he's just completely different all of sudden. Like all of sudden I exist now. More deep conversations. More attention More understanding. But why now . And why can't I just be ok with it. How to pull myself out of this knowing I have so much to offer. I feel like I'm always crying on the inside so no one can see or hear me . I not only cry over that but I also seem to overwhelmed with the fact I just lost a so called best friend who wants to have a pityy party over the crap she wants to call people out on while do the same crap. I don't know if this is age thing or what but I don't see eye to eye on alot of the stuff i hear or see that's going on in my life. And at the end of the day I'm made out to be the bad guy. I'm not supposed to talk about anything I'm supposed to sot back and be ok with everything. Just swallow the lump in my throat. I've always just wanted one person who would never give up on me. A best friend who will stick with me through everything. At this moment in life I feel like a complete failure at life, as a mother ,as a wife and a friend. I'm mentally and emotionally on the edge and can go over anytime.