Partner kissed someone else - what should I do?

Last night my partner confessed to flirting via text message with one of his coworkers for several months last year and kissing her when they were both drunk at a dinner party. The kiss happened when I was 28 weeks pregnant and I'm now 5 months pp. I'm feeling all the feelings right now, rage, sad, confused, betrayed. He is very sorry and ashamed and said he will do anything I ask of him to make sure we stay together. But one of the main reasons I was with him was because I thought I could trust him not to cheat. I have previously been cheated on (turned out previous boyfriend of 3 and a half years had two other girlfriends the entire time!) and in an attempt to lead a life not full of paranoia I chose this guy because he's very sweet and shy and socially awkward, I honestly thought he didn't have it in him to be a cheater. I don't have any close friends or family I feel comfortable telling because they all love him. I've always thought if anyone cheated on me again I'd immediately walk. But now I have a baby, I feel like I should stay for her. He's a brilliant dad, he's very involved and I know he'd do anything for us. But I don't know if I can trust him anymore. We've been together 5 years this year and have bought a house together. Has anyone been in a similar situation? We're you able to forgive your partner and stay together? If so, do you trust him now?

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

My ex partner did a similar thing to me, we also had a baby together (unfortunately he ended up being stillborn so I can't comment on what he would have been like as a dad but I know he was brilliant with kids of all ages) and for me, the trust never came back and eventually, my paranoia then stopped me from mentally going any further in the relationship. In my opinion, if someone really loves you and really wants to be with you, then they wouldn't even need to look somewhere else, especially when you're heavily pregnant carrying their child.

However, on the other end of that, I have seen people who have made a relationship work well even after cheating has occurred. I think it all depends on how you feel, whether you think you can bring yourself to trust him again and what your opinions on it are.

I'm so sorry that you're in that situation and I hope everything works out as best as can be for you x

Coming from another perspective, many many moons ago with a previous long term boyfriend, I was the one who cheated on him.
Sadly it was a stupid, drunken moment for me.
Again, someone I met randomly, we started chatting as friends and then one night found ourselves in the same space, with mutual friends, everyone got really really drunk and without even thinking we ended up kissing.

I felt soooo guilty and didn't initially know how to tell my bf at the time. It was eating me up. Eventually I got the courage and spilled the beans. It took a long long time for him to trust me again, but eventually he did and we were together for 8 years after that. (drifted apart eventually due to other things).
I am so thankful he did accept me in the end and even though it was hard and took a long time he did forgive me.
I think we all do stupid things at some point. We don't mean to hurt others though.

If he really was a cheater, he would 1. Not have told you and 2. Kept going on with that or other relationships. It sounds to me that he is genuinely sorry and regretted what he did.
It may be hard to trust, but you can build that trust again.
I think it is extra hurtful for you because of your previous experience. We will always drag our past baggage with us, but every situation is different and he really seems to be apologetic about it.

at the end of the day, it’s your decision and what you think is best for you, your happiness and your family.
but i could never forgive my partner if he cheated on me, even if i wanted to forgive him, i couldn’t. i just don’t believe in kissing someone else is ever a mistake- if they wanted to do it, they would. if they love you, why would they even put themselves into that position?
i don’t even look at another male in that way, because my partner is my everything. i don’t know, i just couldn’t forgive it or ever trust him again. but that’s me, everyone is different.

i hope you make the right decision, and i hope you’re okay x

You don't have to do anything right now... Just focus on you and your baby. See how it all goes. It is good that he told you as I would say that he genuinely does feel bad about it and it was just texts and a kiss. I wouldn't do anything rash. You can try and make things work and if they don't then you can make that decision then. Sending love as it must be horrible xx

I can’t say I’ve been in your exact position before but I just want to say I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
I can’t imagine what you must be going through especially being 5 months postpartum.
You’ve got to do what makes you happy at the end of the day xx

in our community

If yall still giving your kids processed food, pls seek help

I understand not everybody can afford healthy ingredients all the time, but I’m seeing so many moms on social media giving they kids artificial cereals, coffee, frozen pancakes, velveetta Mac and cheese, hot Cheetos, kraft, the list goes on. I’m sorry but are yall not capable of cooking from scratch or ?? On top of that, if you still using canola and vegetable oil in 2026 you gotta stop. Am I the only one that notices this ???

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

Should I respect his wishes??

I’ve been a SAHM for 4 years now and my husband does a great job providing for our family and we never need for anything. With that i still had to sacrifice some wants like shopping when I want getting my hair and nails done regularly so when I can I try to supplement for my wants and savings by selling my craft items at vendor markets and recently I’ve started donating plasma. Which has been consistent income for me. $125 twice a week. Well my husband has expressed that he doesn’t like me donating plasma. He feels like it’s not worth it to put my body through those conditions for $125. He even went out to sell one of his guns today and gave me all the money and told me “I shouldn’t have to donate plasma no more”. That was so sweet but I disagree. I planned on continuing to donate plasma to save for my kids birthdays thats coming up, a trip we have planned and our anniversary. I don’t know what to do. I finally found something that pays something consistently and my husband is against it. What should I do?

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Avoidant husband

I love my husband and he is a good man. We have some issues in our relationship however, as he has an avoidant attachment style (finds romance/intimacy/being emotional difficult). This comes from him having to be independent from a young age and having quite an abusive mother.
The issues in our relationship are mainly around a lack of sex and intimacy. I think the problem is that to feel turned on, I need to feel connected and wanted. My husband (being avoidant) will usually make jokes about being horny whereas I would want to have someone make me feel beautiful/sexy to get in the mood.
It sounds terrible but I've sometimes had dreams about exes that would make me feel this way, and the romance we had (eye contact, intensity, deep words). It makes me feel really guilty but I feel like i'm starved of that. My husband would like a lot more sex but I can't always force myself if I'm not feeling it.
We've spoken a bit about therapy but I know its often really expensive so we probably wouldn't be able to afford it. Do you have any suggestions please? I know that neither of us are wrong in what we want, just different but I'm scared about whether we can fix it or if we're doomed?