I am the groom’s ONLY sibling, I’m his sister.

Are you close with the bride? Unless you’d be a groomsmen, she might only want people she’s close with as her bridesmaid. I’d be sad to be excluded, but it’s her celebration and she might want ladies she’s 100% comfortable around.

@Chantol yeah I guess that’s a valid point. I personally do not think that way though. If I were getting married and my fiancé had one sibling and it was a sister I would absolutely 1000% ask her to stand up there with us. I’d make sure to do the same if his sibling was a brother. That just seems right to me. No matter how close I am to them or not. It’s the considerate thing to do.

@Jackie but you also have to understand it’s more than just standing up in the ceremony. It’s supporting her through all the planning and emotions, and bachelorette party and stuff like that. She might just want ladies that she’s comfortable with who have always been there to support her. I’m sure she meant no harm by it. But it’s definitely a bit disheartening to be excluded.

Honestly I think it's pretty shitty that you were excluded. When I got married I made sure I included my husband's sister and his 2 sister in-laws even though I wasn't really close to them. Its just the right thing to do regardless of the fact 💁‍♀️

I also want to add that my brother isn’t close to her brothers either. He doesn’t even know one of them at all and they both have a place in the wedding. My daughter is my brother’s only niece. He was on my visitors list when I gave birth. I know that’s different than getting married but I almost feel foolish. It’s true that maybe by tradition, the grooms sister doesn’t have a part. Our mom died in a fire and him and I are all each other has. Well I guess that’s actually not true either. Maybe it’s time I just grow up and forget about the etiquette in which we were raised. Thank you all for your input, please keep them coming. Because I’m ok with being wrong. I am entitled to the way that I feel about something but i want to know if I’m being ridiculous or just not seeing something or thinking about something from another point of view.

@Jackie you’re 100% valid in your feelings. I’m not saying any of this to discredit your feelings because i would also feel excluded. But I’m also trying to see her side. men are a little different. They don’t need to be close with other men to have a good time or connect. They don’t often go through all the emotions and stuff like that that comes along with a wedding, or maybe he just doesn’t care who is a part of his team. But all im saying is that maybe there was no ill intent behind it.

I don’t think there was I’ll intent either. I asked why I was the only one left out and he says because its because I’m unreliable. I am unreliable because I didn’t attend the bridal shower. Let me tell you two things about the bridal shower. 1.) The reason for my absence was the situation I was in with my daughters father. He had asked me to leave and to take the baby with me. Without anywhere to go, I was thankfully placed in a hotel in another county to assure my safety. I was in another county! The day of the bridal shower just happened to be the same day that the county would no longer pay for the hotel room so I spent that day packing and moving all of our belongings out. 2.) They changed the location of the shower literally the day of. From one town to a half hour away from the original location. Even if I had my own vehicle, it’s not promised that I could have gotten to the new location. I didn’t want to go too far into detail but it really bothers me….

….bothers me that because life got in the way, I am now deemed unreliable and thus not considered for a role in the big day.

I’m not close to my husband’s sister at all so she wasn’t a bridesmaid but I invited her to my hen do and I asked her to read something in our ceremony. It made her included in a way that felt genuine to our relationship. I hope that your brother and sister in law do something like this for you. They might just leave it last minute to ask. I was completely excluded from my sister’s wedding and it really hurt so I know how you feel. Rightly or wrongly, it stings xx

@Chantol I agree with this. I got engaged last November and will not be having my fiancé’s sister as a bridesmaid. For me it is about relationships and not just family labels. I am having my closest friends as bridesmaids and that’s it. We aren’t super close either

I would be upset aswell. I have a brother and i’d make sure he was a groomsman, just as i’d make sure my partners sister was a bridesmaid, especially if all the other siblings are involved

@Vikki exactly. I think that’s a valid way to think. But I do understand where everyone else is coming from. It is all about the groom and bride and I probably shouldn’t be so hurt. If it were my big day, I would have done it different. Sucks!

I mean if you grew up really close then I definitely would be upset

@Jackie I did exactly this for my sister in laws - I wanted them all to be bridesmaids (even though my husband has 3!) but they actually said no/declined. I care a lot about family, as does my husband so having the family as part of the grooms/bridal party was VERY important. Maybe have a chat to your brother so he can discuss things casually with his fiancé and see what the rationale was behind this.

My brother was the same way for my sisters wedding. Her husband and many siblings and they were all it (bridesmaids, junior bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girl, ring bearer) I was is it but her brother wasn’t… we all thought it was rude and awkward. Luckily he’s a lot younger then her so he didn’t really care at the time.

If you got married, and a person that was supposed to be in the bridal party wasn’t even there for the bridal shower (nomatter their reasoning) you would consider them unreliable too. Because anything could happen for the meetings leading up to the wedding and you may not be able to attend all of those either. I mean it’s very unlucky on your part that your partner kicked you out the day of the bridal shower, but without a constant reliable babysitter (aka partner) for any future meetings (invitations, dress shopping, dress alterations, photo day etc) so it sounds like you have no reliable babysitter or housing and your situation is very fragile and unpredictable, that’s what they mean by “unreliable”. It’ll be too much effort on your part to be a part of a bridal team when your current situation doesn’t allow for it, feelings and status aside. It hurts, but I can see their reasoning.

This is such a tricky thing. I don’t think there is one right or wrong answer. I do, however, think your feelings are incredibly valid! I just feel like there is no official rhyme or reason with this stuff sometimes. My husband and I got engaged right before his sister’s wedding (his only sibling). He wasn’t remotely close with the BIL, but was a groomsman, and I wasn’t in it. Totally fine. When our wedding came around, we wanted to keep a small wedding party, I was only having my sister as my MOH (made my two brothers ushers), and my MIL threw a fit so we had to have my now SIL as a bridesmaid. Then, one of my own brothers got married, had our other bro as a groomsman, my sister as a reader, and I was given no role (and we’re close). 🤷‍♀️

Well it’s not your wedding… you just need to get over it and grow up.

I agree I would also be upset if I was in your situation

I'd be pissed... bc ain't no way I'm NOT in my brother's wedding.

I would be extremely upset yes but i would keep myself calm and very politely ask "hey, why wasnt i in the wedding?" And hope for an answer

My husband had my brother-in-laws (sisters’ husbands) in his groomsmen and I asked his sisters to be in my bridal party. I think, if you’re marrying the guy, then you should embrace his family (unless his family sucks). His sisters didn’t want to be on the bride’s side (because it was an international wedding and my side was overwhelming in the majority), so we had his sister (the one who could come) walk down the aisle and sit up front with the parents. I would feel left out and sad too. Maybe talk to him and ask why you were not included?

@Justina I appreciate your input but how about not being rude? I’d appreciate that too.

Thank you everyone! Lots of people agreeing and a lotta people seeing where my brother and his fiancé are coming from. I feel a lot better now so thank you! I am not going to say another word about it to him or his fiancé. I fear being invited or asked out of pity and lord knows that ain’t happening! I will just move on, but as for attending the wedding…. I think I should go. BUT I also think I will end up feeling kind of embarrassed sitting by myself. We come from a small town where most people know both of us. The fact that I’m not in the wedding is going to be apparent and the thought of me not having a matching dress or my hair done professionally or standing up there with my only sibling is almost enough for me to not attend altogether. Idk tho. The wedding is next month.

@Jackie the fact that you have a 1 yr old next to you is enough for people to brush it off. “Oh that’s his sister but she’s excused from the bridal table coz she’s got the baby” and people will move on and change the subject, maybe go say hi to your and your daughter. GO, have fun, hold your head up high, and be there for your brother. Don’t let it be known or seen that it bothers you. Prance around w a big smile on your face and truly try to enjoy the wedding, dance when it comes time to dance etc. I know you might feel a lil salty from not being on their table but since you’re his only sister, your absence WILL be noticed and will be talked about more than you sitting by yourself. Ask to be seated w someone you know and like.

Bridesmaids are for the bride not the groom. It would be nice to include you with a role though such as a reading during the ceremony?

Same thing happened to me. Mind you, I’m one of 6 kids but I was closest with my brother growing up. It hurts but at the same time I tried not to take it personally because his wife didn’t know me that well and wanted all her friends in her bridal party(which was already 8 people). Just means you can have extra fun at their reception because you don’t have any responsibilities or speeches to preform😉

Tbh I wouldn’t ask any of my partners sisters to be bridesmaids. I have nothing against them at all, but I’m not close to them, so would find it weird. Obviously I would want them to come to the wedding if they wanted to, but I wouldn’t want them as bridesmaids.

I wasn’t in my brother’s wedding. I knew the bride alright, I really love her now, but we weren’t “friends” really. It would have been weird for me to be a bridesmaid with all of her friends. I didn’t know any of them.

No matter what, do not miss the wedding. It doesn’t matter whether you have an official role, you need to be there for your brother. Don’t get too sucked into petty wedding BS

I honestly wouldn't care. Not to be harsh but its not really about you.

I would be really upset. My SIL asked me to be her bridesmaid (she actually lived in our family home for 4 years so we are really). I never assumed she'd ask me but would have been upset if she hadn't. I got married recently. My SIL was one of my bridesmaids. My husband had 2 best men but no ushers. He doesn't have a great relationship with his brother so didn't want him having a huge role, hence my brother not being asked either. I did ask him to do a reading but he didn't want to, so we had both brothers as our witnesses. Have you spoken to your brother about how you feel? Maybe neither of them have considered it, or are waiting to ask you to do a reading or be a witness

@Justina from the south, but not showing southern hospitality 😤

I let my brother know how I’m feeling excluded and sort of left out. He pretty much disregarded my comment entirely, brushed it off and moved on after saying, “please wear green (sage) to the wedding as it’s our theme.” Lol. I’m going to take one thing from that interaction with him and that’s BRUSHING IT OFF. The whole issue. Just going to attend the wedding and dance with my daughter. 👍🏻

@Jackie Aw this is sad. Honestly, though, you will have more fun at the wedding as a guest than actually in it! Weird that he wants you to wear their color. Is he going to have you walk down the aisle in the beginning to sit in the front seats? Maybe, after all the stress of the wedding goes away, you will be able to try to talk to him again. 🤗