Baby daddy with Multiple personality disorder

I’ve been struggling and I really want to support my partner but I don’t know how. I know he has at least two other personalities, one is almost constantly in his head, like the way we hear our own voice talking to us in our head, but they fight for control. I watch it happen.

He will be sitting, doing nothing really. Just stressed from his day/week what have you then the second is right there trying to make his way out.

I don’t mind the second person, he can be kind of a dick and first impressions were anything other than nice however, I’m so scared of what the stress of a new baby is gonna do to them.

I really struggle to engage in conversation when this gets brought up, I try asking my bd about his past, the trauma that might have caused it, his memories of childhood when it started. But I get honestly scared for him when we are out side and the second is smoking a cigar only for my bd to “wake up” and start a new conversation and when we come in, he asked me how he ended up with ash on his hand even though I was talking to him the whole time and it wasn’t him who crushed the end of the cigar.

At first I was even sure if this was real. I honestly thought he was fucking with me. Like it was some kind of game. But there’s so many times he’s had missing information when I just told him the answer to what he’s missing and he gets so upset about the lost time I can’t believe it’s not real anymore and it scares me.

What trauma normally starts DID/MPD? He was 5 years old or younger when he first switched and the second personality is very protective of him, the 3rd I’ve only met once and until I met him, no one knew he was there. It was like looking at a scared 5 year old, he didn’t even know his own name. On top of all of that, he doesn’t trust anyone in the mental health profession because he was “mistreated” as a child. He has agreed to couples therapy but how can we make time for that with a new born?

Sorry this turned out to be so long. I’m just so scared and confused and really could use any advice there is when it comes to living with/loving someone with MPD/DID

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That must be awful for both of you. Given that he doesn’t remember switching though which can be a trigger from stress and parts of his personalities being scary, he does have a responsibility to himself and your baby to get some help. If he can’t temper then how does he know these personalities won’t cause harm to the baby? If he won’t go himself then I’d push to start the couples counselling asap however he will more than likely need someone more specialist for this kind of mental health issue. It might help him gain some trust though to begin

he only has 3 personalities, him, his “protector” and the child that seems to have been abandoned in his subconscious mind. I know the first and the last will never do anything to harm or upset the baby. His protective counterpart however, I don’t think will harm the baby in anyway but I could see him upsetting her. He is emotionally distant and made it clear we’re not in a relationship even though the body they share is in a relationship with me. I just can’t stand the thought of him not claiming our daughter because he’s “not my partner” and I’ve tried asking him how he is going to act with our baby, he said “I don’t know much about how to deal with a baby and I don’t want to, I won’t impede on *bd*” but that’s all he would say.

Well that isn’t an environment you want your baby to be around. They won’t understand that Daddy doesn’t like them when he is that person. It sounds like he has a lot of unresolved trauma and it’s manifesting in this way. Hopefully he can be supported to get help as he is unwell

he just agreed to seeing a counselor today after my session. We will be looking for a specialist tonight. Thank you so much for your support and actually responding.

No worries. It’s clear you are a good and supportive partner. My career has predominantly in mental health work so I have some understanding of these things

I do my very best to support him and encourage in every healthy way I can because he does the same for me. This is honestly the best relationship I’ve ever been in, I’m just worried for our daughters sake, as I know I she would never understand the difference between “that’s daddy” and “that’s the other person in daddy”

in our community

NHS job

Anyone work for the NHS and does 12 hour shifts? How do you work around childcare and your partners job?

Is this normal?

Is it just my husband that does this? He is able to work from home via his computer and in the mornings and evenings he is on there doing his job. When he is done for the day he tends to stay in the room and either play video games or watch something. He will occasionally come out and play with the girls for a few minutes and that’s it but when I really need him he says he is busy. My daughters are both 1 year old now and I am just wondering how much involvement should he have with them now?
Idk if this is the norm or not…..

Saying NO to buying toys etc

5 year old is getting really envious of others. He is obsessed with items that other kids have at school. I am pestered daily to buy these things in a different style when we already have 3 others. I have seen parents just buying stuff their kid likes which I don't necessarily agree with even when i can afford it. How do you deal with it?

Identity crisis?

Am I the only sahm who feels like they have lost their identity??? I don’t make money for my family, when I used to make great money. But I refuse to drop my under a year old baby off with strangers.
My husband works so much. But I have no control over bringing in money and I’m a control freak type of person! I feel l like I’m losing my grip because we are kind of broke, but day care would only eat up my income anyways! So what’s the point. I’m a workaholic and now I’m just a twitching bum.
I wish I could work from home but so far that’s a fake dream. I’m almost 9 months pp, and I just need to know these awful mood swings and depression will end soon! Send wine!

Daycare?

Thoughts on daycare?? Truly, I am SCARED to be leaving my kid for daycare. I literally do not trust anyone, not even family (they haven’t given me a reason it’s just trust issues on my end, you never know). He’s turning 3 and I’ve been a sahm the whole time but tbh my man doesn’t make enough for us to move out somewhere more calm . We live in a ‘not so safe’ area in LA and I’m just not used to living here so I just want us to give my son a better life and in order to speed up the process I would have to work.. I do lashes at home and I’d be open to take new clients so I wouldn’t have to look for work but I’m just scared to lose my license 😭

Thoughts?

your soon to be brother in law (upon inquiry) told you that only a few kids from the family were attending his wedding because they are over the age cut off..